According to Merriam Webster's Dictionary Hope means:
intransitive verb
1
: to cherish a desire with anticipation <hopes for a promotion>
2
archaic : trust
transitive verb
1
: to desire with expectation of obtainment
2
: to expect with confidence : trust
Now most of us tend to use the word in the small meaning to cherish a desire with anticipation, but we don't think about like what that means. We cannot have anticipation without expecting something to happen! Like I anticipate that I will get bills this month. It means that I expect to get bills. On a good note I also expect to get enough money to pay all my bills for this month (the bills due next month are a different story). Something you might notice in each of the forms of hope it has to do with expectations. Trust is a word that sometimes we are afraid to use, because of the expectations that come with it. Like if I trust you, I expect you to act a certain way because that is who you are.
Now I could go on for hours on trust, particularly the difference between positive trust and negative trust, but lets focus on the relationship between trust and hope for right now. Hope is an expectation. Trust is giving that expectation a name. We hope for good weather, but we trust that our family will stand by us. We hope to write great fiction, but we trust if we put ourselves in the chair each day that we will develop as writers.
But the sad truth of it is often we separate hope from truth. We put our hopes in things that don't mean a whole lot. Like the weather, or the stock market, and getting a new car. Mind you, these are important, just not necessarily meaningful to our lives. Writing is something that gives meaning to my life and I just realized a few months ago, how precious it is to me. When I write I really feel alive, I feel vibrant, and I know that I can do anything. I stop putting my hope into things and start putting my hopes into people. Particularly me. I begin expecting of myself to be a better man, to be a better husband. I begin expecting of myself to write each day and to read scriptures also. And as I do these things I've noticed that I trust myself more than I did in the past.
There was a day when I didn't trust myself to write. I also didn't put any hope into my writing. I thought about doing it often, and I'd make half hearted attempts, but I never honestly expected to sit down each day, or even each week and write. I just didn't care enough.
And then when I had nothing else really going for me, I began the habit again. It was haphazard at best how much I wrote, but it was a start. And then I did NaNoWriMo (And considering I really missed about 7 to 8 days where I didn't get any writing done and I still finished in the evening of the 24th to report in for the 25th) and chose writing over my self doubts and fears. I chose to hope. I chose to give me a chance to be the person I've always wanted to be. Funny thing is, I'm starting to trust me again in a deeper way that I ever have before.
Now for my goals this week I'm doing just fine. I'm finishing a scene each day, and enjoying every moment of it. Even with all the stress of being in New Hampshire trying to help my wife through the funeral of her Grandfather, I'm finding the time to trust me again and live out my dreams. How about you? Is this opportunity to write during ROW80 helping you to have hope in your dreams again? Is it restoring trust in yourself that you were unaware you lost? Comment about it below. I'd love to hear your stories about hope and trust alike.
This is the OG. PEACE.
I think you're right - hope is what keeps us going, though another thing to do is just to keep writing. I'm now to the point it's just part of me - so that if I take a break (e.g. like over holidays) I get cranky :).
ReplyDeleteThat's great Mark! I know how you feel about the holidays, cause when I first got home from Iraq I wasn't writing terribly much and I felt it everyday on my shoulders, lurking around and telling me that something was really missing. Thanks for commenting!
DeleteI can really relate to this post,especially the parts about self-trust and putting hope into your writing.I am learning to trust myself in way that I never have previously. I made the decision that my writing counts and that I'll nurture it and therefore myself. Great job with your goals. Keep it up!--Yolanda Early
ReplyDeleteIt not just your writing that counts. You count. And writing is above all (in my opinion) a spiritual act which reveals the truth of who we really are. I hope you continue trusting yourself. You really are worth it. Thanks for commenting and the support on my goals!
DeleteWhat an encouraging post. I agree that once we begin to work towards our hopes then we also create more energy for other things and other people. It is especially hard - yet so rewarding! - to continue to press forward when under stress. Condolences to you and your wife on the loss of her grandfather.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for your kind words. My wife and I really appreciate it. It has been really hard figuring out what my groove needed to be for this year, and oddly enough this struggle has helped me identify it. It is almost like even though he pass on, somehow he continues to push me towards making certain his granddaughter is taken care of. Have a blessed day, Bridgette.
DeleteThanks so much for this blog OG. You got me to think about what writing means to me though I've always known it to be a passion of mine, and I feel I am constantly defending it in some form or another.
ReplyDeleteI hope to continue to encourage others to embrace this artform, and I trust that people will respect my love of it even if it isn't something they understand.
If you took writing away from me, I'd feel hollow. Recently I had a really rocky patch where I couldn't even bring myself to write at all despite it always being a release for me. I found that I was sinking, slowly but surely, into the depths of depression and it smothered me.
It wasn't until I got to talking to a friend of mine and I was mulling over my reasons for not writing that I decided to write a short paragraph. Over the following days I added a little to this and it began to form the basis of what I'm now working on for ROW80.
I feel so enthused by it! Not just because I love the idea, but also because writing saves me from the brink every time. <3
Kelly.
http://www.blog.co.uk/user/koldham/
I know, and you know what a hard time this is -- I'm sorry for your and your wife's loss -- I'm beginning to think it makes us see things differently, though. Glad you're getting through it and still writing.
ReplyDeleteKelly, I know how that feels to be in that depressed place where you don't feel you can embrace your writing. I lived there after my first deployment to Iraq with the Utah Army National Guard (I'm in the US). It is like there is a hole inside you that you can't explain and you can feel it eating at you daily, but because of fear you can't find the way to fill it. Hearing your story really connects with me, and I appreciate you sharing just a bit of it with me. Thank you. P.S. I'm checked out your blog, your goal orientation is inspiring.
ReplyDelete