IWSG: Self Trust and Voice

Last week I wrote about self trust at the end of a post and I thought I would elaborate on my own issues with self trust here for the support group.  I think that most folks who have met me in person would agree that I exude confidence.  I'm kind, charismatic, and gentle which I guess in a soldier is a good combination.  However, I'm actually insecure about something that most wouldn't guess, and that is my voice in writing.

Obviously, I don't have an issue with speaking my mind.  I'm willingly opening myself up to people criticizing my thoughts concerning abortion, politics, and black culture.  I welcome that.  It doesn't bother me if you don't agree with me.  What worries me is that I come across saying what I really want to say.  That isn't an issue of simply word choice, but the tone and voice of my writing.

Blogging for me is an exercise in learning to self validate.  Often my writing when I blog is quite raw.  It hasn't gone through multiple different people.  It has seen my wife and sometimes our adopted son.  But it hasn't gone to them for proofreading or to help me fix problems.  Instead it has been about validating my writing for me.  And that's not fair to them.  I need to be able to self validate and trust that what I put down is good enough.  But I bet there is someone else out there like me who suffers from the same fear of not being good enough.

So here is my advice to those of you who share my fear.  Write inside your own comfort zone.  My comfort zone is a unique one, I feel most comfortable talking about issues that are particularly controversial in society.  I realize that I have good things to say about them.  And that because of my own experiences that I have an education there that other lack.  So I focus on those things because for me, I am most comfortable there.  And it gives me an opportunity to exercise my voice and learn about how I write and how I express myself.  Both of which are crucial for any young writer to learn about.

But once you have found your comfort zone, push the envelope of your abilities.  You do not learn to walk without failure, and you will not learn how to write without failure.  As I grow in my abilities and my education I hope to work towards making this more culturally friendly as a blog.  I want to be able to speak about issues that the LBGT community, Asians, and the Native Americans face.  I might have someone comment and tell me that everything I'm writing is garbage, and inform me as to what the real deal is on a subject.  And guess what, that's okay!  Because I'm comfortable with failure in my journey.  Because I don't learn the most from my successes, but rather from my failures.

Soon I'll have a new comfort zone and I'll have to reach further to search out excellence.  I want to the same thing in literature.  I recently read a post from Nora Jemisin on RaceFail, and I realized that I'm coming into writing at a good time.  When I was younger I wanted to just write a story about an African American Hero in Science Fiction & Fantasy, but now my views have expanded to want to see Heroes and Heroines of color throughout SFF.  I think I'm a decent writer, but while I am bringing my skills up to the level that someone will choose to publish my work, I'm going to focus on other cultures and religions and bring them to light.  But again I cannot do any of this if I lack confidence in my voice.

So I leave you my fellow writers with a challenge.  Start writing within your comfort zone.  And as soon as you think you have a grasp on your voice, start pushing the envelope.  Don't sit back and think you are good as is.  Develop the healthy mindset that you are always seeking out the next peak of performance.  Writing is a journey that has potential to never end.  Look at Frank and Brian Herbert, their journey in writing has already spanned two generations.  There is no limit to what we can do as writers if we will work towards touching the stars.

If you are struggling with your voice, that's okay.  But it isn't okay to give up.  Sit down in your chair and write.  Something, anything.  One word or a thousand.  Because for each word you put down you forge the voice within you.  And after you have forged the edge of your own voice, you'll find the battle towards becoming a paid author one that you can tackle with the grace of a ballerina.

That's all I got for today.  Stay tuned for the end of the week when I tackle my first interview.  I'm Jayrod Garrett, and I'm the First OG.  And naturally I have a question for you:

What do you want to do with your voice?

War Post: 7th March Mashup & Insecurities

Learn more here.

With today's Mashup we have a special surprise.  Rather than explain my goals with ROW80 to you I thought it would be better if I shared with you an insecurity of mine.  As I'm sure you noticed today is the Insecure Writers Group and it is a wonderful forum to recognize other writers who have challenges and insecurities just like you.  So I thought today it would be best if I chose some of our Mashup folks from those blogs.  And then we'll get to why I'm insecure at the moment.





Sunny Smith shares with us how she gets through the 15 minutes of doom in: "Insecure Writers Group: March 2012."

Mark Hoopman reminds of us the difficulties of writing with children in: "IWSG: Worried about WIP."

Cherie Reich reminds of one of the most important parts of writing in:"IWSG: Believe."

Erin Shakespear brings us a boost of enthusiasm to write in: "A Strange Thing."

Ingrid shares about several of the blogs that both her and I love in: "A Little Blog Love."

I share Ingrid again (because what she has to share here every person on earth should listen to) in her post on: "When someone shows you who they are."

Bayard and Holmes share their honest feelings in: "Bayard and Holmes Cybersmack: Rush Limbaugh."

Kim Switzer shares about the process of finding direction in ones writing in: "Which Way to Where?"

Kristen Lamb shows us the similarities of the history of warfare and of writing in: "The Modern Author: A New Breed of Writer for the Digital Age of Publishing."

Morgan Dragonwillow's contest is still running!  Here a link to check it out: "Fantasy Fiction Writing Contest I: Day 16."

Team Oyeniyi gives us a taste of Autumn in Australia in: "Autumn."

Karen Sandler promoted herself (as opposed to me promoting her) in: "Tankborn Sequels."

Carl Duzette tells us all about Try/Fail Cycles in: "Why three is a magic number."

And now for some creative stalling so I don't have to tell you what I'm insecure about yet.

Okay that's probably enough stalling.  I should tell you why I'm insecure at the moment.  I've been doing a ton of writing of late.  I write emails, blogs, comments and I spend hours at this a day.  I try very hard to have a blog that is of a professional quality and content.  However, it has taken away from my time to work on my WIP: "Crimes of the Umbramancer."

Now I know how my drafting process goes when I write stories, and it scares me a lot more when I'm working on a novel that I do this.  Typically I write a certain amount of the essay or story, about a third and then I start over.  Then I write about half to two thirds and then I start over.  And then during my third attempt I finish my first draft.  Then once again I start over.  Sometime after that the final draft is done.

I hit the point recently in the book where everything inside me is saying that it is time to start over.  And I'm fighting it because I don't want to.  I've gotten about 40,000 words into this story.  The last thing I want to do right now is start over.  An essay is only a couple of thousand words.  So is a blog.  (Though my blogging process only requires about a single to two starts before I have a finished product.)  So I guess I'm scared at the moment.

To top it all off, I've been reading Larry Correia's Monster Hunter International (next month's promotional book), and I realized why I need to start over.  The beginning of my story is flawed.  I knew it was flawed when I began, but I now know why and it is bothering me day and night.  I know that I need to start over differently.  But is it wrong for me to feel this way?

Now I'm not really looking for advice.  I know the answer to this problem.  It is pretty simple.  "Write the damned book, Jayrod!"  I hear this from folks who hear the synopsis and really want to read it fairly frequently (omitting the damned part, of course).  So I am at a place where I want to be finished with the draft by the end of April, but I know I have to start over and I'm scared.  That's my insecurity this month.  By next week I'll have about six thousand words on my restart.  How do I know that?  Cause I'm depending on ya'll to keep me honest.

I know that if I share a goal like that with everyone who reads my blog they will push me to be the best me that I can be.  And part of that is getting my words down.  I know, pretty lame isn't it?  I need peer pressure to write.  Well honestly I need social interaction to write.  Which is one of the reason's the blog is healthy because it gets so much more interaction that I do when I'm doing the WIP.

I'm a social person.  I'm not your typical writer (at least I don't think I am).  I need social energy to write.  I realize to generate this energy sometimes I need to do things that are weird, such as be a part of several writing communities.  Or support writers that I think are awesome.  Or share a little bit of who I am with you.  That's part of the reason I'm giving away one bundle of books this month.  Karen Sandler's Tankborn (Did you notice her blog earlier?) and Samuel Delany's Dhalgren.  For each person who follows the blog (inclusive to those who joined since the beginning of March) I'll put your name into the contest three times.  And for each person who comments on each post for the month I'll put you down for one per comment.  I know I need interaction, I know I need to support the writers I believe in.  This really is a way for us to continue our conversation and also support those I believe in.

Next time I'll have my next blog series prepared on weapons.  Hey we aren't just about culture here, the sci-fi and fantasy kids need to get some toys too.  I just hope the ideas presented enable all writers to find tools to generate more diverse fiction.  This is Jayrod Garrett, the First OG, with just one question for you.  Do social networks help you to write?