Wednesday, January 11, 2012

What does that word "Hope" mean anyway?

As I was pondering what I wanted to actually blog about I found myself actually with a few ideas.  I recently had a conversation on Facebook about PPACA or "Obamacare" and whether or not it is a good plan.  Then I thought perhaps I could do the same old boring blog of my goals, but that didn't feel right either.  But then I started reading peoples blogs and the word Hope came to mind.  Seeing as I am hoping to finish a chapter tonight in the midst of my procrastination, I figure why not spend a few minutes talking about this wonderful word.

According to Merriam Webster's Dictionary Hope means:
intransitive verb
: to cherish a desire with anticipation <hopes for a promotion>
archaic : trust
transitive verb
: to desire with expectation of obtainment
: to expect with confidence : trust
Now most of us tend to use the word in the small meaning to cherish a desire with anticipation, but we don't think about like what that means.  We cannot have anticipation without expecting something to happen!  Like I anticipate that I will get bills this month.  It means that I expect to get bills.  On a good note I also expect to get enough money to pay all my bills for this month (the bills due next month are a different story).  Something you might notice in each of the forms of hope it has to do with expectations.  Trust is a word that sometimes we are afraid to use, because of the expectations that come with it.  Like if I trust you, I expect you to act a certain way because that is who you are.

Now I could go on for hours on trust, particularly the difference between positive trust and negative trust, but lets focus on the relationship between trust and hope for right now.  Hope is an expectation.  Trust is giving that expectation a name.  We hope for good weather, but we trust that our family will stand by us.  We hope to write great fiction, but we trust if we put ourselves in the chair each day that we will develop as writers.
But the sad truth of it is often we separate hope from truth.  We put our hopes in things that don't mean a whole lot.  Like the weather, or the stock market, and getting a new car.  Mind you, these are important, just not necessarily meaningful to our lives.  Writing is something that gives meaning to my life and I just realized a few months ago, how precious it is to me.  When I write I really feel alive, I feel vibrant, and I know that I can do anything.  I stop putting my hope into things and start putting my hopes into people.  Particularly me.  I begin expecting of myself to be a better man, to be a better husband.  I begin expecting of myself to write each day and to read scriptures also.  And as I do these things I've noticed that I trust myself more than I did in the past.

There was a day when I didn't trust myself to write.  I also didn't put any hope into my writing.  I thought about doing it often, and I'd make half hearted attempts, but I never honestly expected to sit down each day, or even each week and write.  I just didn't care enough.

And then when I had nothing else really going for me, I began the habit again.  It was haphazard at best how much I wrote, but it was a start.  And then I did NaNoWriMo (And considering I really missed about 7 to 8 days where I didn't get any writing done and I still finished in the evening of the 24th to report in for the 25th) and chose writing over my self doubts and fears.  I chose to hope.  I chose to give me a chance to be the person I've always wanted to be.  Funny thing is, I'm starting to trust me again in a deeper way that I ever have before.

Now for my goals this week I'm doing just fine.  I'm finishing a scene each day, and enjoying every moment of it.  Even with all the stress of being in New Hampshire trying to help my wife through the funeral of her Grandfather, I'm finding the time to trust me again and live out my dreams.  How about you?  Is this opportunity to write during ROW80 helping you to have hope in your dreams again?  Is it restoring trust in yourself that you were unaware you lost?  Comment about it below.  I'd love to hear your stories about hope and trust alike.

This is the OG.  PEACE.
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