Thursday, April 5, 2012

War Post: April 5th, Mashup, & the IWSG

Howdy Howdy folks!  Welcome to another Mashup on the OG's blog.  Now mind you theres a lot in today's post so if I happen to jump around a bit understand that's because I try to accomplish a lot in a Mashup & IWSG day.  But I'll be short on the Mashup and long on the IWSG part.

On Letters of Note they post a letter from Kurt Vonnegut which is truly the real thing in: "I am very real."

Robinson Wells, an up and coming Utah writer (yes, I have all sorts of love for Utah Writers) shares with us some concerns in: "Ranty Ranty Rant-Face."

Susan Donaldson James shares with us one family's agony in dealing with legislation concerning Abortion in: "Danielle Deaver denied Abortion Even as Uterus Crushed Fetus." (More on this on Friday.)

Robyn Oyeniyi shares a touch of her memories in: "So it is Easter and school holidays."

Carol C. Rzadkiewicz shows us an awesome technique to use to make our writing better in: "Improve Writing Skills by Using Sentence Parallelism."

The Wordslinger tells us what not to do in naming children in: "Stop in the Name of... Terrible Baby Names."  (Obviously this woman is doing something right, study her to build a better blog.)

Jael McHenry turns oft heard advice on its head in: "Flip the Script: Write What You Don't Know."

Natalie Hartford shares a concept I'm too familiar with: "Urban Word Wednesday: Vacationitis."

Rainy Kaye shares a breath of fresh air with me in: "The Hunger Games, Rue, and a Meme in the Making."

As stated a short Mashup.  So you can watch this Ted Presentation.
Note: I'm not an Introvert, but I recognize this as a problem in our society also.




Let's be honest here.  I can cover my goals for the week in a few sentences and get on to my bit for the Insecure Writers Support Group more quickly.  



1. Finishing Draft Two of "Crimes of the Umbramancer" by the 30th of April.
I got a great review back on a chapter of Crimes this week.  And I'm hopefully during the next 48 hours going to knock out about six thousand words of rewrite.  I'm learning a lot about my story as I start again, there was a flaw in what I wrote and I can't continue until I fix that flaw.  So the draft is moving along.  (Needs to move faster to make the end month goal though, but once Spring Semester is over I'll make more progress.)
2. Exercise five times a week.
I'm haven't gotten as much exercise as I was hoping this week, but I did have a great work out today and I'm looking forward to a great one tomorrow.  And I'm excited about my walk this Friday with my wife.  It is a great time to talk and just unwind.
3. Finishing up my school work from my last semester in College.
     This weekend I'll be rewriting an older story and reading Pride and Prejudice.  It should be an interesting weekend.  But I got a query letter to also get done this weekend.  I'm stacking it high so I can get it all in by the end of the term.  I need to pass this class.
4. Get myself some stories ready to get published somewhere.
     The story I'm rewriting is one I plan on submitting to a few contests this year as well as sending it to the Writers of the Future Contest.  We'll see exactly how it goes when I do it.  I'm pretty excited.

So we are through with my goals and I can get to what I want to really talk about.  An insecurity.  This past weekend I had a really long talk with some of my family (the folks in Utah who are family are those I've adopted, because I didn't have one of my own) about my identity.  For the longest time I've always tried to hide by being extra religious a part of me that scared me.

I went through a lot of emotional abuse growing up, and while I don't sit here and blame my Mom for it.  I don't have much of a relationship with her either because there is a great deal of toxicity there that I'm not able to deal with well.  Between the darkness that I think was always mine and the darkness etched upon my soul through the abuse I find myself wondering who I am frequently.

And as I read I am not a Serial Killer and A Game of Thrones I've begun to think who I am is much more complex than I thought before.  That like the color of my skin the darkness that is within me isn't a bad thing, but instead a misunderstood thing.  Darkness isn't evil, because I can use my fingers to feel what it is, and my feelings don't tell me its bad, instead they tell me that its important.  This isn't to say that I plan on going out and killing anybody or using the F-bomb at every opportunity, but instead to come to grips with the fact that who I am, is much larger than who I've allowed myself to be.

An example of this can be seen in how I approach schoolwork.  I don't set aside time for schoolwork.  Instead I do it when I feel like doing it.  Sometimes that is right after I get it.  Other times it is right before the assignment is due.  As a whole it usually is done in such a way that I can fit whatever else is going on in my life around school.  And at one time I thought that it made me less of a person to be all about getting the work done one day and the next laissezfaire about when it got done.  (Did I mention I'm an A to B student most of the time?)

I'm the same way with pretty much how I approach life as a whole.  I'm either one extreme or the other.  I'm either full of energy or nearly falling asleep.  I'm either completely prepared or completely unprepared.  Super loud or completely quiet.  Terribly busy or crazy bored.  And I thought something was wrong with me because I was always like that.  Until one day someone said to me, "I think you are the most balanced person I've ever met."

That blew me away.  But it made sense.  Because while my personality is made up of extremes my views of the world are not.  I tend to have liberal values, but I temper them with a sense of what is right and wrong.  And while I might not agree with others I have been successful in sharing my thoughts in the manner of a philosopher that rather than wanting you to agree with him, wants you just to think a little deeper about the problem at hand.

I tend to think I'm a little like Mulan, who in order to find herself had to become someone that nobody, including herself, believed that she could become.  I'm Jayrod the writer, but there is something more that I don't think I'm really aware of yet.  But only as I continue writing, will I get there.  And that journey both thrills and scares me.

Well, I realize all the bits of the post today were short, but it has been a crazy week for me.  I will be back on Friday to discuss with you a subject that is near and dear to my heart: Abortion.  Yeah, I wasn't going to talk about it now, but I figure after seeing that video earlier that I should share my opinions and perhaps open up some minds by the sharing.  Until then I'm Jayrod Garrett, the First OG.


Do you ever get afraid that who you are is going to get in the way of who you want to be?
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