War Post: May 16th Mashup and Goals

Another week another Mashup!  Good to see ya'll.  I hope that I'm able to deliver some good blogs and links for you all to be able to really enjoy.  This one will be a little long, because I'm focusing on not on blogs this week, but some good links to sites that can help you in your journey into the world of literature.  So without further ado I wish to introduce you to some of my favorite helps for writing more successfully!

Brandon Sanderson, Dan Wells, Howard Taylor, and Hugo Award Winning Mary Robinette Kowal host a program called "Writing Excuses" that you got to check out.  I learn a ton from their weekly program and have begun using their writing prompts in my writing group.

"I Should be Writing" by Muir Lafferty is a great podcast that gets real about writing.  Some of her material is videos, other things are just sound advice for how to become a better writer.  It would do you good to check her out.

This chart does a lot for my own self esteem, I figure it might help you out too.  It is called the "Photographic Height and Weight Chart."  It has helped me to better envision characters and get their proportions right in my head without having to look at hundreds of pictures online to get the same idea. It also has changed my ideas about weight and what is heavy and what is not.  Give it a look.

This blog is run by a group of authors too numerous to share here, but they have some of the best material on the web about how to write better fiction and keep yourself sane while doing so.  Check out "Magical Words", you won't be sorry you did.

For those of you who are aching to put yourself in ridiculous amounts of pain during the months of June or August, I have news for you!  Camp NaNoWriMo!  We get to do 50,000 words while working with folks in internet cabins.  I've never the camp before, but I think it will be a lot of fun.  I'm prepping myself for it now.  Oh for the record, I will not be writing something new.  Its a chance for me to get way ahead on Crimes and let my family know what kind of writing atmosphere I'll need come November.  Join me!

For those of you getting ready to submit Query Letters a great resource to look into is "Agent Query."  It is a website with all of the agents who are in the business all in one place.  You can start your research into a good agent starting here.  It will help you to get familiar with names and what a agent represents and allow you to find out what they really like to read too.

Do you like free music?  Do you like video game music?  Do you like remixes of free video game music?  Look no further then than "Overclocked Remix."  They are a great site that has given new life to a lot of the songs from my childhood of playing video games.  It is really neat to see what people do to the music to make it bearable to listen to outside of a game.

I'll end the favorite's this week with something that might appeal to some mathhead out there.  This was a site my cousin showed me years ago, which has helped me immensely with my math.  It is called "Wolfram Alpha."  It works much like a calculator, only you can put into it complicated problems that would take you a while to solve and it will show you all the steps of how it is done.  I don't honestly know how to get the best out of it, but I figure if you like math, you'll figure it out.  Enjoy!

And for our video of the week, I couldn't think of anything better than Lindsey Stirling's trip to Africa.

This girl makes me long to hear my cousin's wife play the violin.  
This week has really been about starting to make time for my writing.  Sometimes even when I shouldn't be writing.  I've sacrificed sleep to be able to write this week.  And it has finally gotten me closer to where I really want to be.  I'm a big believer in the idea of projecting what you really want.  You might have heard the idea on the movie The Secret.  It's not that much of a secret really, envision what you want, work with all your might towards that goal, and be receptive to the myriad of ways that your dream can come to life.  You'll notice that trend as we work through the goals today.
1. Finishing Chapter Two and starting Chapter Three of "Crimes of the Umbramancer by next week.     Chapter Two is done.  And I love what has happened in this chapter.  I think it gives a nice introduction to my second character and enables me to bring her to life in a way that keeps the tension of the story.  I'm really looking forward to what will happen in Chapter Three now.  I need to switch back to the point of view of Sora, but much of the action will be around another character.  Excitement builds!
2. Write seven four thousand words per week. (Between blog & fiction.)     I fell short of this goal by about three thousand words again.  Some of that is due to the anniversary, some of it is due to just not working hard enough, but most of it is due to the fact that the goal is unrealistic for me.  I think I can handle four thousand words.  Seven is just too much with all that I have on my plate.  (Keep in mind the four thousand is only my words for the blog and my fiction, I do other writing I don't count here.)
3. Exercise five times a week.     This is one of the most challenging goals.  I made it out to exercise three times and I got a gym membership and found friends to exercise with.  As I've been working at this blessings have been consistent.  I might not make the goal of five times a week yet, but things are certainly moving in a positive direction, that much is certain!
4. Finishing up my school work from my last semester in College.

     Still not done with this one.  I'm making it my goal to be done with this by the end of the round.  I think that will make my teacher happy, and also go towards making the atmosphere of achieving goals a lot more cheerful!

5. Spending time everyday with a spiritual source.
     I've been doing really well with praying everyday.  To be honest I usually find myself getting to Morning and Evening about once a week.  I spend a lot of time reading it then.  I would like to get a morning ritual of waking up and doing spiritual study then, but I'm trying to take things slow.

6. Finishing homework from Group Therapy.
     I'm all done with the first six weeks of my workbooks for group therapy!  I'm really proud of myself for actually getting it all done.  It's been pretty hard and I've learned a lot about myself.  I'm hoping that I'm able to keep up the great work as I progress into the next phase of my program.

A while ago my son asked me, "Why do you talk about writing your blog as if it is a chore?"  And it got me thinking that I must be putting off the wrong kind of energy about the things that I'm writing and working on.  I don't want to do that, so I've worked at making my goals more positive.  And thus far it is working, I feel better about writing and I want to do it more.  Just have to figure out the right balance between writing and the rest of life.

This is Jayrod Garrett, the First OG.  I'll be back on Friday with a post about a significant difference between the way that men and women think in my opinion.  Thanks for reading.  Much love to you all!  Peace.

Religion Interviews #1: A Modern Saint

This picture sits in our living room.

Good day folks!  Today I have a guest on my blog.  It is my wife, Jenny Garrett.  I wanted to give folks an unbiased view of Mormonism from someone who would understand what it means to have lived as a different denomination.  My wife belonged to the Episcopal Church as she was growing up and made a choice during her teen years to become a Latter Day Saint (Hence the name of this blog).  For those of you not of our faith, this is one view of how one balances faith with what they know.  I do this same thing differently, however I would like to believe that I am as unorthodox in my beliefs as my wife.  You will meet various Mormons who see things slightly different as in any church, but the teachings through the church itself are the same.  For the orthodox saints who read this, there are no apologies made here for how my wife has chosen to live.  Not from her or from myself.  God has accepted us as we are, and we expect any God fearing man or woman to do the same.  To quote my wife, "We are all products of our life’s experiences and I have settled into my faith and beliefs because of things that have happened in my life, the people I have known, and the trials that the Lord has helped me through."  And within our own doctrine it states:  “We claim the privilege of worshiping Almighty God according to the dictates of our own conscience, and allow all men (including other Mormons!) the same privilege, let them worship how, where, or what they may"(Article of Faith 11).  So without further ado, my first question.

 #1 I've heard that members of the LDS faith are not Christian, is that true?

It depends on how you define the term “Christian.” If by Christian you mean people who believe that Jesus Christ is an actual man, the son of God, who lived a sinless life, ministered to the sick, preached Gods word to the masses, was crucified, and then arose from the dead, and that his death atoned for the sins of mankind - then yes, we are indeed Christians. But if you define Christianity as having a belief in the holy trinity and a testimony of the Nicene Creed and the Apostles Creed, then no, we are not Christians in that sense.

The majority of Christian tradition believes that God came down to Earth in mortal form, and that we called him Jesus Christ. For example, my Grandfather literally believed that Jesus Christ was God in a mans body. I grew up in the Episcopal Church and they taught that Jesus was God; God the son. As a child I found that confusing because I would read scriptures about how Jesus would pray, and I couldn’t understand who he was praying to if he was God.

Us LDS folk believe that God is a separate entity from Jesus Christ, even though they are one in purpose. We are what is called “Unitarianism” as opposed to the Christian tradition of “Trinitarianism.” We are one of several religions under the umbrella of Christianity who believe this way. Some of the others are the Jehovahs Witnesses and the Unitarian Universalists - both are great churches full of great people, we are in good company. I have found that the Nicene Creed is vague enough that it fits the spectrum of the LDS belief system, except where Jesus Christ is described as “being of one substance with the Father” and the declaration about believing in the “one holy Catholic and apostolic Church” However, our LDS prophets have clearly stated that we do not believe in the traditional Christian creeds.

I feel like a Christian. I read the New Testament, study the parables that Jesus Christ taught, try my best (fail though I do) to apply those teachings to my own life, I pray to God in the name of Jesus Christ, follow the commandments, and on Christmas and Easter I ponder the birth and resurrection of Christ first and foremost before I indulge in all the super fun pagan rituals that we all do, like putting trees in our house and hiding eggs in the yard. I call myself a Christian, and if anybody else says that I am not, well, it’s not really up to them to decide what I am.

#2 What is it about Joseph Smith? Is he a prophet or some nut job?

Why can’t he be both? The Lord often calls unqualified men and women to do his work, does he not? From the LDS bible dictionary, a prophet is in a general sense anyone who has a testimony of Jesus Christ by the Holy Ghost. So, many people can be prophets. The question is rather, is he the prophet, seer and revelator he claimed to be?

Joseph Smith restored things to the Earth that were missing. The end result is the church we have today, which is wholesome and good, and has blessed many lives. We know Jesus Christ better, we have the most beautiful music, we have the largest Women’s organization on the planet, we have the tranquility of our temples. After a disaster, the Mormons are often there helping before the Red Cross even gets there. We give humanitarian aid to many impoverished countries. We have the power to do so much good.

But Joseph Smith did some pretty outlandish things in his day, and we often overlook them because they aren’t considered faith building. We sugarcoat many things about Joseph Smiths life. For example, much of the Book of Mormon was translated by Joseph Smith covering his face with a hat and seeing the words on a seer stone inside the hat. Now, if that’s the way it was done, and it was directed by the Lord to be done that way, why then do we hang paintings like the one above in our homes?

Why do we make him out to be so dang handsome?
  He looks like this in photos, yet looks like Adonis
in the paintings. 

Because it seems foreign to us, and maybe even a little weird, how it was really done. Then we make movies about the life of Joseph Smith and don’t include the “hat thing” at all. Then we don’t include the fact that he married so many women, some who were teenage girls, and some who were already married to other men. He was a mayor, started his own militia, and planned to run for president. That’s pretty lofty! We sweep these undesirable things under the rug in an effort to keep people from doubting, but then they find out, feel deceived, and their whole faith falls apart.

I have heard some people say “If Jesus tried to attend sacrament meeting, we wouldn’t let him in because he has a beard, long hair, sandals, and isn’t wearing a suit.” It’s a cute little idea, and it tries to point out that we are sticklers for a tidy church appearance. But I submit this thought to you: If Joseph Smith was a member today, he would likely be excommunicated for his behavior.

Why can’t we have this? Joseph Smith: an imperfect man who was also a prophet of God. We sometimes put too much of our faith in Joseph Smith, when we should be putting it in Jesus Christ, and I think Joseph Smith might agree with me on that. It’s ok that he was not a perfect man. At least, I’m ok with it.

#3 I couldn't help but notice that your husband is black, has that ever caused you any grief during your time in the church?

Within the church, no. The day we were sealed for time and eternity, we were treated like royalty inside the temple. All of the workers there in Manti didn’t seem to care a speck that our skin colors were different. Might be a little surprising considering they were older, white, rural Mormons, but they were all wonderful to us.

The Garrett's outside the Manti Temple in Utah

Before we got married, I received council from my Bishop in New Hampshire. He is Chinese and his wife of a few decades is white, so he knew a thing or two about interracial marriage.

However in the culture of Utah, which is sometimes confused with the dictates of the church, because the two are so enmeshed, I have gotten some dirty looks from people, and confused looks from little children. An uninformed teenager was surprised that interracial marriages happened in the temple. Nothing too bad though. I think the only hurtful things have been said from our actual family, the strangers seem pretty accepting. It bothers people much more that I have tattoos. Now that has been my biggest grief!

#4 Do you have a conversion story and would you be so kind as to share it with us?

Yes, I do have a conversion story. Everyone should! The people who are born into the church should become converted at some point just like us converts. I was baptized in 2000. It was a difficult age to join the church. I was 18 and had finished school, so too old for young women’s. All the sisters in Relief Society were at least 30, the closest institute class was 50 minutes away and the singles ward was just as far.

St. Johns Episcopal Church

As previously mentioned, I was raised Episcopal. I was baptized as an infant, and my Grandmother saw to it that I was fairly active in the church. I received my first communion (around age 8) after taking a few weeks of confirmation classes. I was an acolyte (altar girl) for years and sang in the Jr. Choir. In the summers of my childhood I would attend a Lutheran church with my other Grandmother.

I received several years of sunday school education. I still love the Episcopal Church, very much. I appreciate how progressive they are. We have attended midnight mass on Christmas Eve for the last 3 years because it brings back such fond memories for me, it’s actually my favorite part of Christmas. But as I became a teenager I lost interest in going to church.

When I was 16 years old, something happened in our family that shook me to my core. My Uncle, an amazing man, loving and kind and very good to me, who was serving in the Peace Corps, was shot and killed in a robbery - he was only 32. I never knew anyone who had died, let alone be murdered. I was inconsolable, just devastated. I went through some of the stages of grief, denial at first. When it finally hit me I just sobbed for days, sobbed like a person with no hope. And I was angry. And I was confused. I started to turn to religion to succor the immense pain. My belief system didn’t really have the answers I was looking for. I wanted to know if my Uncle still existed somewhere, somehow. Would I ever see him again?

I began to study religion, anything I could get my hands on. And this was in the days before internet research, I was reading honest to goodness books made out of paper. I studied Catholicism, Judaism, Shinto, Islam, Zoroastrianism, Buddhism, you name it. I started getting called “Jesus Freak” at school. When I slowed down with the partying I had been doing, a lot of my friends lost interest in me. About 18 months into my search for religion, I picked up a book of Mormon for the first time. It was my mothers book. She and my Grandmother had joined the church a few years before, but fell away. When they joined, I wanted no part of it! I opened up the book, and the first few pages were of men signing their names that the book was true. I had never seen a book like that before. I literally called the LDS missionaries who were in the phonebook under ‘LDS missionaries’ and I said “My name is Jennifer and I want to get baptized” and they were like “Who is this really?” I listened to the discussions, quit smoking, and took the plunge! The LDS church had the answers for all my burning questions.

Some things I remember about my baptism were that my best friend showed up late and missed it, and also a friend of mine, Eugene, who I had not seen in a long time showed up, and he was a member of the church and I never knew. And my dear old friend Ben showed up too. We sang “I Stand All Amazed” because it was my Grandmas favorite hymn from when she was a member, and my friend Sariah gave a short talk. I felt so loved and welcomed by the members, a love that I don’t think I had ever felt before. A love that I feel is sometimes lacking by some of the wards I have belonged to in Utah.

My Mom was there for me, and my cousin Jan was very supportive. My Grandma was thrilled even though she had left the church. She took me to get my first set of LDS scriptures, which are the ones that I still use. Some of my family members were very upset with me, some thought it was a big joke and I lost Susan, one of my best friends. The last thing she said to me was that I was a “self righteous bitch.” And I get it, I understand it now. I was that freshly baptized overzealous teenager, and I was trying to change her.

Shortly after my baptism, I traveled to Washington DC to do baptisms for the dead. It was then that I fell in love with LDS temples and the tranquility inside. It has been 12 years now, my faith has changed, grown and evolved and I choose to stay in the LDS church so that people like me can bring about change. If all the liberals, democrats, intellectuals, and free thinkers leave the church, how will it ever change? The changes I’d like to see are more equality for women, more acceptance and love for our LGBT brothers and sisters, and more love and support for those struggling with addiction.

#5 Are you going to vote for Mitt Romney, cause he's Mormon? I've heard a lot of Mormons plan on doing that.

The last thing I would do is vote for someone simply because they belonged to my church. Being LDS does not ensure that someone is a moral person, nor does it promise that someone is competent enough to run a country. When I first heard of Mitt Romney, in the early 2000’s, I remember thinking that a Mormon politician was an oxymoron. That being said, I believe he is educated enough, experienced enough, and competent enough to run the country. But he won’t run the United States the way that I think is right and moral, which is the main reason I will not be voting for him.

I lived in Massachusetts while he was the governor. If he was still “that guy” the Romney of 2003 or 2004, I might vote for him. But he has changed considerably. The man who instituted the Massachusetts health care insurance reform law, is now against “Obama Care.” He once supported stem cell research, and now he no longer does. He once supported a woman’s right to chose, specifically because a close friend of his died from an illegal abortion - but he has abandoned that also and is now pro-life. I won't stand behind a man who changes his core beliefs to suit his career goals.

#6 How do you reconcile the faith of your childhood and the faith of your adulthood?

The faith of my childhood was based on the faith of the adults in my life. My family was Episcopal and so, that is what I believed. But there comes a time in everyones life when you have to decide for your self what you believe and what feels right to you, and not base your faith on what somebody else has decided is right. In the LDS church, we call it “piggybacking on your parent's testimony.” Even when our prophets speak, they tell us to pray about it and learn for ourselves, through the holy spirit, if what they say is true. I think this is an important step to take because not every word that rolls off the tongue of a church leader is meant for every member of the church. Sometimes the faith journey that we must take gets confusing because we want to please our friends and family. We might want to please them even more than we want to find which path we should travel. As William Shakespeare penned, "Above all: to thine own self be true."

After moving to Utah, something I saw for the first time was children getting up during testimony meeting with their moms behind them. I love seeing children getting up and speaking, but here in Utah their mothers whisper into their ear what to say. They tell them to say that the church is true, that they know Joseph Smith was a prophet of God. How does this little child know that? They're not even clear on if Santa Claus is true, or if a flying woman actually removes teeth from under their pillows in exchange for cash. And how will they ever know that for themselves if you have been telling them to say it since they could walk? I would much rather have the children go up there and say what they actually feel and believe.

One of the sweetest testimonies I have ever heard was from a little girl who lost her pet rat and she prayed and prayed until she found it. She wanted to tell everyone listening that day, that Heavenly Father answers prayers and cares about rats.

*    *    *

Thanks Jenny.  For your thoughts and your words today.  I feel privileged to be able to share them with my audience.  And I hope that all of you find something in what she has shared to help you better understand our religion.  This is Jayrod and Jenny Garrett, the OG's, and we hope you've enjoyed today's blog.  If you have any questions that you would like to ask us, please comment below and we'll respond to them as soon as we can.  Thanks so much!

Black, White, and Rainbow

Yet it often is.  From the time I was a child, I was taught to think in terms of black and white.  To steal was a sin, to lie was a sin, and to kill was a sin.  Yet as an adult I learned:

• That stealing was okay as long as it was ideas (All collegiate essays require you to cite your source material).
• That lying was okay to preserve peoples feelings (Does this dress make me look fat?  Answer yes, and watch what happens).
• And killing was fine when the government mandated it (How many have died due to the death penalty or war?).

Perhaps we teach children in black and white, because its easier, but unfortunately too many of those black and white ideas follow us into adulthood.  And we begin basing the world around the black and white fallacy.

Take a step back and think about this as if you were a child: Jimmy takes Timmy's lunch money.  Some of us might teach our children Jimmy is bad because he takes Timmy's lunch money.  As a child this is as far as we will take the logic.  Truth is that Jimmy takes Timmy's lunch money because his Dad spends all their money gambling.  And when Dad spends the money Jimmy's Mom gets drunk and hits him.  So he's only doing what he's being taught at home.  So where is Jimmy spending the money?  To buy something for dinner before he gets home, because if he comes home with money, it will be taken.  Both Jimmy and Timmy in this case are being taught to think in terms of black and white.  Timmy is learning stealing is wrong and that it isn't right for the strong to pick on the weak.  Jimmy has been trained that life is about strength, and the strong take what they can to survive. 

This kind of thinking is called black or white fallacy or a false dichotomy.  Where two alternative states are presented as the only possibilities, when in fact more possibilities exist.  And lots of people suffer from it from those who suffer from Borderline Personality to a person dealing with Depression.  In politics you can watch this kind of thinking taking place on a national scale and Americans rush to take sides.  It even invade our speech when we think about ethnicity. White is associated with being cultured and educated.  When a hispanic or a black man are either they are called white.  Violence, drugs, and gangs are all associated with young hispanic or black men.  Its a little frightening when you really think about it.

The commonly accepted view seems to tilt towards white, grey, and black thinking.  Because most situations are not black or white and rather are someplace in between.  Like the question of whether we should raise taxes for millionaires.  Some folks feel that when someone earns their keep they should be able to use it as they wish.  Others feel that if they have excess they should give it away to those who have less.  This question isn't that simple though, because there are millionaires who give to charity yearly for the purposes of the tax breaks.  So they are already supporting those with less.  Should they be required to give even more?  Bill Gates says yes.  Others say no.  This isn't a yes or no question, but rather one that doesn't lend itself to any easy answers.  But too often we want easy answers.

And even among those who think in terms of white, grey, and black it tends to be difficult.  A pregnant teen faces how people really think too often.  She just wanted to prove to her boyfriend she loved him.  Does that make her bad?  And if she isn't bad, why does her father call her a slut and refuse to help her?  Why does the boy tell her she meant nothing to him and he won't support the child?  Why do the same people who fight against her aborting the child also fight the agencies that want to help her keep the child?  And if she chooses to keep the child why won't anyone employ her?  Some Christians will tell her that her child will be born in sin without a father.  Other people will tell her she's a bad Mom, because she's not doing enough to find a way to support her child.  And all this while she has no emotional support, no financial support, or friends to help her out.  She has been painted black and it was all from a few hours of fun.  But is that the truth?  Is that right?  And in all this have any of these people actually thought about the child in her womb?  Of course you have, you thought: Hey put the child up for adoption!  Which would be a viable option out of a lot of the troubles she's facing, but at this point she might not have the support to even make that choice.  And that's a scary part of the society we live in. 

Perhaps what is most troubling when we carry this white, black , and grey thinking into religion.  There are Christians out there who think that the only way to God is through Christianity.  Muslims that believe the only law is Sharia Law.  And Jews who believe both are terribly misguided.  But where does that leave the Taoist, the Buddhist, and the Atheist?  Are they wicked because they believe differently?  I think these are questions that the grey area doesn't adequately cover.  We should have a means of being able to recognize each other for who we are, separate the choices a person has made from that, and work to make the lives for all human life better.  And I think that particular thought process is best compared to a prism.

The white light that is reality comes into the prism.  And for some of us what we perceive as one color of the spectrum another person will see differently, however we are able to keep in mind that it all comes from the same ultimate source.  Some folks may say that source is God.  Others science.  I call it life.  And with life I can paint a picture of stunning beauty or terrible cruelty.

I had a teacher who was fond of saying, "There is only one race: The Human Race."  I agree with him.  We don't live in a black and white world.  And what is grey to you might be black to another person.  But when we see each other as critical parts of a whole, the black and white thinking perishes and we begin thinking of our families, our communities, and our world in different ways.  I love every color of the spectrum, and there is a need for each of us.  The Jimmys and Timmys and unwed teens alike.  We are all going to make mistakes according to the culture we live in and the rules it binds us by, but we do not have to see the world in black, white, and grey.  It is full of color, both in morality and ethnicity.

Whew!  That was a challenging one.  Thanks for hanging with me to the end.  On Wednesday I'll tackle both goals and the IWSG.  I'm Jayrod Garrett, the First OG and I just want to know:

Which do you prefer?  Black, White, and Grey or The Color Spectrum?

Faces of Manipulation: Abuse the Generational Destroyer

We hear a lot about abuse in our society today.  There is both outrage that we allow it to go on in our society, and that people would allow these things to happen to them.  I find this curious though because too few people have even an idea of how abuse starts.  So today lets reveal some of the patterns of Generational Abuse, and I see no better place to start than in the current Presidential Election between Mitt Romney and Barack Obama.

I think both of these men are good people.  I think they both have the best interests of America at hand. But I find it interesting that when you hear their campaigns, they both have to wreck the reputation of the other because "that's how the game is played."  I've seen so many things about Mitt Romney being a flip-flopper and how he cannot stay consistent on any political subject there is for long.  I've also seen a lot of propaganda about how Obama has destroyed the economy of the United States.  And you hear about the negative so often that if there is any good, it is overshadowed by negative and hence you cause people to become disillusioned to the good of voting, the entire race for President becomes a popularity contest, and men who should be friends and colleagues working towards the best future for America, become bitter rivals who leave trails of discontent and shame in their wake.

But it doesn't stop there.  Then we the people step in and add our own two cents to everything.  From folks looking for ways to make Obama a Muslim and why Romney isn't a Christian.  Because they are threats to what we as people most value.  And in my opinion, what we value most my friends is power.

Anyone entrusted with power will abuse it if not also animated

with the love of truth and virtue, no matter whether he be a prince,

or one of the people. - Jean de La Fontaine, French Poet

When it comes to abuse of any kind it is all about power.  Think about it.  When a person gets so frustrated at their baby that they shake them violently it is a power struggle.  A newborn can make an adult feel helpless because they are so dependent on the adult for everything.  And in the cultures where folks say it is wrong to leave your newborn with someone else so you get a break it gets particularly difficult.  And when that child has cried for hours upon end and it isn't because they are sleepy, hungry, wet, cold, too warm or anything else you can do something about it is enough to break a person.  So when a parent shakes their child, how empowered must they feel when that silences their child?  The pattern repeats because they have found a way to quiet the child, and empower themselves.  Similar empowerment could have been achieved with finding a good friend to watch the child, but some of us just don't have friends who are that good.

But this doesn't just happen to children.  It happens in domestic partnerships (whether couples live together or get married) frequently also.  For example with a man who beats his wife, he usually is angry about something.  Usually it has to do with him, but he takes it out on her because it is easier.  So as he gets angrier about his own mistakes his tension builds.  Finally he gets so angry that he hits her.  He beats her until he's released all the tension that's within.  When she tries to get away it makes him angry because without her he can't release that tension.  Later he'll tell her how sorry he is for doing it and he'll even give her a gift of some sort to try and make it up to her and then things will be alright for a little while.  Until he gets overwhelmingly angry again.  Usually we think the man in this situation is a terrible person and we blame him for everything, but lets be honest.  He's a victim caught in a cycle which is a lot larger than he is.  This pattern of abuse has been in his family for generations already.  According to this source one fourth of domestic abuse goes unreported.  And before OJ Simpson how much went unreported?  And reporting it to the police doesn't even mean they can do anything in a lot of cases.  Because if the judge throws it out or the abuser is released from jail the next day, doesn't that just mean they are walking back into that home more angry?  And more angry means the beating lasts longer and is more severe.  Or that he needs to find other outlets for this anger, such as his children.

And in all of this most men who are perpetrating this crime are victims of such abuse themselves.  The kids like Harry Potter who turn out superbly well adjusted despite their abuse are remarkably rare.  I wish I were one of them myself.  But I'm not.  But I don't hold that against the person who hurt me.  They are a victim in this cycle just the same as I am.  The difference between us is I no longer choose to be a victim.  I reject that label and the cycle that comes with it.  Like Harry Potter, I am a cycle breaker.  

I didn't even know I was perpetuating the cycle, until recently.  Even when you aren't trying to be abusive by hitting someone, or calling them names, the tones you use and the words you choose can send messages loud and clear that will be interpreted as "hurtful and cruel."  And when I realized it I felt like I was less than the ants that people stepped on.  For me this is another effect of my own abuse, because the voices of my childhood still affect me daily.

Cycle breaking is hard.  It requires a different strength than it required for you to deal with the abuse.  Because you have change everything you learned before.  Never say a woman or a child isn't strong because of the abuse they've dealt with, actually they are very strong.  But that strength has to be developed in different ways to silence the voices of their abusers in their head.  I'm in group therapy right now to share my story in an environment I can trust and build that new strength.  And God-willing I'll be able help others one day.  Because the power I care about is Love, Truth, and Virtue.

This is not my mission alone however.  Everyone of us can do something to break the cycles of abuse.  It starts with learning about abuse.  Why abusers do what they do, why the victims feel the way they feel, and how to get each the help they need to break their cycles.  Because we all need help to break our vicious cycles and begin new virtuous cycles.  And though it is hard, it is worth it to no longer carry the chains of generational abuse anymore.

Thanks for reading today.  On Monday I hope to address the various ways people in the world think.  And have a few more blogs in the buffer so that this will be much more efficient.  Until then I'm Jayrod Garrett, the First OG with a question for you:

Antwone Fisher

Joyce Meyer

Carlos Santana

Are you a cycle breaker?

War Post: April 25th Mashup & Goals

It is another Wednesday and I'm so happy to be back folks.  It is interesting how just little things can change in your life and just suck the life right out of you.  As I look back the depression had inched its way into me over several weeks, but I'm "leaning into the pain" (even though to be honest I don't want to sometimes) and learning some new lessons.  Once upon a time I had a motto that I can do hard things, and I think its time I picked that back up again.  One of the hard things I plan on doing is keeping more goals and making them smaller so that I can accomplish them more frequently.  But first today, we are going to have a proper Mashup, cause let's be honest.  We haven't had a good one in a few weeks.  Let's do this.

Esther Inglis-Arkell tells us the truth we should have known about summer in: "The Physics that Explain Why You Should Wear Black This Summer."

I love Ingrid, she always finds great advice for folks like in this post: "To Type or Not to Type?"

David Powers King offers some awesome tips for how to actually make it in the writers market in: "Aspiring Advice: Selling (Being) Yourself."

My friend Heidi Thornock asked a great question in her blog and I hope that some of you might be able to visit and answer her at: "Why do we care about Grammar?"

The Wordsmith mentions some pretty good suggestions as how to get yourself writing when you don't feel you can in: "3 Steps to a Focused Writing Environment."

Kristen Lamb points out something I hadn't realized about Villians in: "The Key Ingredient for Dramatic Tension – Understanding the Antagonist."

Todd Hollingshead brings us news of the real Batman's technology coming to life in: "BYU engineers create Batman-like device for Air Force competition."

In ROW80 we have a guest blogger each week, and this week Gene Lempp wrote: "Why I Love Being a Writer."

Larry Correia tells us some reasons we should buy his book in: "ADVERTISEMENT: Hard Magic mass market paperback out next week!"  (Trust me this is funny.)

Kirsten de Bouter wrote an awesome post everyone's inner war in: "Most Wars Are Fought In Our Own Minds."

Natalie Hartford shares an embarrassing story and promos a more embarrassing product in: "Road trip life saver."

K. L. Schwengel reminds us of the options we have when we have stepped up the the edge in: "On the Edge."

Team Oyenyi talks about the challenges of learning a new language in: "Two difficult English language sounds."

Asrai, the Maven of Mischief, proves why Twitter can be awesome in: "twitter conversations with Zoe Winters."

I stumbled across Bryan Schmidt on Asrai's blog and I just loved the post so I thought I'd share: "Write Tips: The Power Of Diligence."

Last, but not least– N.K. Jemisin, one of my literary heroines, defends the strength of women everywhere in: "There’s no such thing as a good stereotype."

Oh and if you happen to like some of the writing posts here, check out Inkpageant for all sorts of writerly blogs.  I usually post there, but I've been "lazy" lately.  And after you're done checking them out watch what happens when girls become gamers.

Again I had to go to the drawing board and consider if I am trying to do too much.  I had to come to the decision of whether or not I wanted to participate in NaNoWriMo with a new book this year (Oh I'm still doing it, I just won't have a new book to work on at that point).  I've been trying to rush because I thought I should be done in a year with my novel, but that really isn't the case.  I have so much on my plate that I honestly don't think I could finish my novel that fast.  I need to be realistic and consider having it done by next year for my Senior Project.  It kinda makes me sad to come to that realization, but it is a healthier decision than trying to rush things and fail at reaching my goals consistently.  So if I look like I'm slacking off, I am.  Better to slack off and accomplish more, than to rush and accomplish nothing.
1. Finishing Chapter Two of "Crimes of the Umbramancer by next week.     I am currently a scene into Chapter Two.  The rewrite of this story has been immensely difficult because I am already changing chapters entirely.  My old chapter two and the storyline it had was one of the problems I had before.  Had I finished with it, well I would be another year in doing reconstructive surgery.  I'm thankful I followed my instincts (at long last) and began this rewrite here.  The story will be better and done sooner than it would be otherwise.
     My Japanese culture research for this chapter has been supplemented with research on Hispanic families because the heroine of these chapters is Hispanic.  I'm not sure exactly which culture I want to follow closely, but I'm thinking at the moment I'll work with Mexico and see where I end from there.  I would like to be done with this chapter by the end of next week (honestly there is no reason why I shouldn't be.)  And if I'm lucky, before next Wednesday, I'll be into Chapter Three working on an even harder series of scenes.
2. Write seven thousand words per week. (Between blog & fiction.)     I'm making better progress with this.  With blogging I get about three thousand per week at least.  And if I make certain to finish a chapter a week I'll be closer to six to seven consistently.  And hopefully I can get my buffer up and ahead.  I'm working a day ahead as it is right now. :D
3. Exercise five times a week.     You don't Juice Fast when you are losing energy and have no desire to exercise afterwards.  So I stopped and began with running on Monday.  I went running again on Tuesday.  And later today I plan on running more.  My legs are in pain, but it is necessary pain and I kinda like it.  I'll share more next week.
4. Finishing up my school work from my last semester in College.

     I'm enjoying Pride and Prejudice and I hope to be done with it by next Wednesday.  I should get my short report done by tonight on Life, the Universe, and Everything.  And for my short story I'll be working on that in tandem with Chapter Two.  I'm optimistic about all of that.  Even though the storytelling always gets harder.

5. Spending time everyday with a spiritual source.
     I struggle with this one, but I'm going to work on it.  I find I do my best writing after having done some spiritual study.  But I've gotten lazy and I don't feel like I have a lot of time either.  So instead I think I'm going to focus on spending fifteen minutes on my own in some sort of spiritual study and another fifteen with my family doing some sort of spiritual study.  It will help me in both my writing and the role that I want to play with my family.

That's everything.  Smaller goals I can handle and won't stress myself out with.  There's enough going on with my writing group, work, and my group therapy sessions going on I don't need to try and force more into my life.  And I'm certain that by doing this I'll gain more confidence because when you keep goals you begin to trust yourself.  And ultimately ROW80 is all about us as writers developing self trust.  Oh visit the bloghop to see more people in the journey of self trust.  For trust is the coin by which confidence is purchased.  I'm Jayrod Garrett, the First OG and here's a my question for you:

 

How do you think you can develop more trust in yourself?

The Difference a Teacher Can Make

In another life I work at a Junior High School as a tutor.  Often it is an uplifting job, because I get to work with smart kids who are learning about their own potential and want to really go someplace with their lives.  Sometimes though, I hate being there.  Not because the kids don't care (and sometimes they don't), but because I hear the way the "teachers" are speaking to them in the hall.  As a society often we talk about the disrespect of students towards teachers, when I think we should consider the fact that the students are learning disrespect from their teachers.  Calling your students, "Lazy Lumps" or telling them that you can't believe they can't solve a problem on the board doesn't really inspire them to give their all in class.  Yelling at them like animals isn't a solution either.  But I've seen teachers do both of these things as a tutor.

Mind you I'm not saying teachers are terrible.  I believe that most of them are given tools to educate, test, and show our students the way to success.  But most of them are taught how to deal with the ideal classroom rather than a real classroom and this can frustrate and discourage even the best or most well meaning teacher.  And as I was once told by one of my mentors, "Discipline is the most important thing a teacher must teach."

For example, a few years ago I was in a classroom with a man who told his students how stupid he thought they were when they wouldn't answer his questions when he taught them at the board.  After doing so, he still expected for them to do their work, but most of them just refused.  When I was in his classroom I noticed that there were three types of students in his class.  The ones who refused to care, the ones who refused to let him keep them down, and the ones who were hurt by his callous attitude.  I didn't spend a lot of time with the ones who weren't effected by him, and instead focused on the students who he hurt the most with his comments.  In a few weeks of being in his class they were working hard on every assignment, because for every time he insulted them I reminded them of how smart they were and helped them with the work.  They trusted me and what I said more than what he said and soon enough they were able to answer his questions on the board and he was praising them too.  But had he chosen to discipline them with expectations according to their ability instead of ridiculing them for their silence he could have developed that relationship with them on his own.

The following is a video of one of my online mentors, Mr. Taylor Mali.  He's a poet and a teacher and the message in this video is superb.  Take a few minutes and watch it.  I'll wait.  He's worth it.




I think Mr. Mali would agree that right now we are in a teaching epidemic.  How many of our kids come home from school feeling this way about their teachers?  Too often they have one teacher like Mr. Mali, the others don't seem to care enough, and then there's one who is just awful.  And that awful one makes you never want to send your child to school again, because the awesome teachers can't undo the damage the awful one's do alone.

So if you have children, please be more involved in their education.  Teachers do have tenure, but nothing says that they have to attend a class or a school where they are being hurt.  One of my friends recently kept her daughter from going to a school where her son had problems.  Other friends have gotten their students involved with helping their teachers.  When a student understands the work load a teacher is under, it changes how they participate in their classrooms.

It is time to expect something more of our teachers and the systems that prepare them for the classroom. But this isn't just about teachers in the classroom.  It is also about what we invest in our children's education.  Teachers should be able to expect us to support them.  When that teacher who was calling students stupid, when he had the support of his students his attitude changed.  If we teach our children they need to support teachers and show that through our own example by communicating with them, sharing our concerns, and praising them for what they are doing well we can make a community of teaching that can change the lives of countless students.

I have a pretty solid plan for what I will do if I am not able to make it at first as a novelist.  I have every intention of teaching in a classroom.  And even if I make it as a novelist I'll be finding ways to support teachers in my community.  Because teaching is a communal activity.  You, I, and our teachers all play a part.  And it is my hope that the future will be bright because we all learn how we can.  I'm the First OG, Jayrod Garrett, and I just want to know:

In what ways do you see us being able to better support our teachers?

Early War Post: April 21st- "Lean into the Pain"

Last Sunday I posted my ROW goals for the week, because I wanted to accomplish a lot before my schedule got worse.  I thought that I would need to take up a fourth job to make ends meet for my family, because of our current financial situation.  However thinking about that along with other things going on in my life (lies that I've heard from some family members and the stress of being back from a deployment) took me into one of the worst depressive episodes I've ever had.  I felt the icy fingers of addiction reach into my chest and rip my heart out, and for a brief moment I was deliciously numb as I spent way too much time last week playing video games and isolating myself from my family, from myself, and from my writing.  It literally destroyed an entire week of progress for me in my fiction.

So as I am coming back from Never-Ever land to focus on what I think is most important I thought, I'd share with you a little bit about the issues a person can deal with in depression and why exactly it is real.

My first deployment overseas didn't have me doing what people think of soldiers typically doing.  I'm sure everyone has seen folks who go over and they are breaking down doors, taking down bad guys, and generally kicking butt and taking names.  For me I wasn't on that mission.  I wasn't on a mission to seek out and destroy the enemy.  Instead I served the enemy.  I worked as a guard at a Detainee Camp.  This means those folks the other guys found and brought in, we took care of until their trial dates.  We made sure they didn't hurt each other (which we failed at), we made sure they had food, and we tried to make them as comfortable as possible while we watched them day in and day out.  It might not sound so bad until you realize that if you are trained to seek out and destroy the enemy serving the enemy (who indeed would slit your throat in a heartbeat) does some messed up things to you psychologically.  Most people left this specific duty with terrible cases of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder or PTSD and it took us a long time to get over it.  I almost lost my marriage as a result of the issues I came home from that deployment with.  And I'm still feel broken even now.  Just I've had a little help to put most of the pieces back in the right place since that time.

When I was there I often indulged in my addiction to games and just zoned out because I had to deal with the pain somehow and there wasn't a lot of other options.  I don't smoke, and I don't drink, and I really didn't want to start up any other addictions so I just did a lot of writing and played my games frequently.

But when I got home was when the emotions came full force.  I went from being an Honors Student who loved being in class to sleeping through all my classes everyday.  I could go to work, because for some reason when I'm helping someone else I can forget all my pain for that brief moment (which explains why I always look for work where I serve others), but school just was too much.  There were days I could barely crawl out of bed because I was so sad.  I went to a therapist who said I was okay because I was still going to work.  They told my wife that I was being responsible because I took care of my obligations.  But I didn't, I didn't give her love, I couldn't care about myself, and worst of all I hated almost everyone I had gone overseas with.  And anyone who knows me knows hate is not a natural emotion to me.

It is the fact that I wasn't willing to deal with the emotions and either slept or played videogames that was sinking me.  I didn't have the coping skills to deal with such volume of painful emotions.  Depression is a disease.  It forces a person who is dealing with horrible things to deal with them in unhealthy ways.  I know some folks who eat when depressed, others who cut themselves, and some who sleep it all away.  When we don't know how to deal with the things the world has given us sometimes we crawl into a hole and hope everybody goes away because we don't know how to deal with their company and our pain.

I've met people in my life who have said that they don't believe in depression.  And there was a time in my life that I didn't understand it very well myself, and I wouldn't have been able to truly deal with my wife's depression very well.  But that was all before I had visited its depths myself.  I just want to say that it is a real illness.  And for some it goes beyond that because they are missing chemicals to balance their bodies properly.  For them it is more than a coping mechanism, it is a struggle to find real joy in life.  They have to fight against this disease to even find their emotions in the first place.  And I don't envy them in that fight, because I know from my own experiences that it is a very difficult fight to deal with.

The only reason I'm coming out of it at the moment is because I heard something in group therapy that really helped me this past week: "Lean into the pain."  By leaning into the pain it causes me to actually recognize that I'm in pain, it causes me to seek out some help from my family, and it causes me to look into the depths of the emotional hole that lies inside of me.  I can't say by any means that I'm whole yet, but I know that as I take more time "leaning into the pain" I'll be better able to deal with the things that life has put before me.

I no longer hate the people I was with back then, but I realize that that period of my life was probably the most pain I've ever been in.  And because I didn't learn earlier appropriate ways to deal with that volume of pain I chose addiction and depression over connection and family.  But I'm learning that now, and that's one of the reasons I do ROW80, because I want to replace my addictions with my writing and make it the lifeblood of my life.  It isn't an easy process, but it is entirely worth it.  Because one day I might not be broken anymore, but through all this I'll be whole.

I don't plan on posting goals with this.  I'll wait till Wednesday to do that.  I got a lot of work to get done though and I'm not going to be wasting any time.  Too much reading, writing, and living to do to allow the pain of my life to tear me apart.  But if you don't see me for a minute, know I'm off fighting for my life, my family, and my writing and that is the most important fight of my life.  As always, I'm Jayrod Garrett the First OG.

My question for you today is: What gets in the way of your goals?

War Post: 14th April's Mashup + Major Goal Revision

I have to apologize for the lateness of this post.  I wanted to get a little homework done this past week and but I've been on a Juice fast because of a movie I watched called "Fat, Sick, and Nearly Dead."  One of the things the folks who were on the fast talked about was the fact that they had so much more energy.  For me it has been exactly the opposite.  No energy to do anything outside of work has been terrible.  The only reason I've been able to finish as much as I have today is because I took a nap.  Naps are wonderful things that enable us to accomplish so much more with our time.  So I'm going to cover bunch of the links of the past week and then show you how my goals have changed recently.  Lets go!

Raylene opens us up today with some things to say when we are angry in: "What is your favorite non-swearing swear?"

Larry Correia's wife goes off like a rocket about the real choices of women in: "Guest post: Mrs.Correia on the War on Women."

Shila Iris shows us Adrinka symbols in: "Adinkra Symbols."

On ROW80 the linky is up!  Check it out at: "The Linky" or "A Round of Words in Eighty Days."

Todd Bessinger shares a few tips on how to build a great title in: " Whats in a Name: How to Develop Your Title."

Nathan Bransford shares some editing rules in: "Ten Commandments for Editing Someones Work."

Teri Harman goes hoarse in: " Blood to Ink: Your Voice May Hate You, But Your Writing Will Thank You."

Becky Wright of the Standard Examiner shows a local woman's passion for art in: "Ghetto Life Fuels Artist's Imagination."

Finding something funny this week was a challenge.

Clean funny video suggestions are welcome.

This past week has been super hard on my goals and I have had to do some serious reconstruction of them.  Because I've had my head in the clouds about what I can do realistically.  So I went back to the drawing board and made some hard decisions about what I want and what I can do.  

1. Finishing Draft Two of "Crimes of the Umbramancer" by the 30th of April.1. Finishing Chapter Two of "Crimes of the Umbramancer by next week.
Let's be honest.  I haven't really achieved any writing goals for a while.  I have no end of excuses.  We had a second teenager move into our house, we started a new diet, I started a new job, I'm tired, and on and on.  Really its a lot.  Then you consider that my progress ended as soon as I found out that I had a problem in the plot, its super sad.  I lost my momentum, but I still care about the story.  So I'm going to revise my entire method of working through the book.  If it takes me longer than another year to get through this, it is okay.  This book needs to be done right, not fast.

So I started doing research on both Japanese culture (thanks to Eden) and now because of one of our teenagers I'm learning about Hispanic culture also.  I want my brand of fantasy to be multicultural fantasy and I think if I invest the time into making a world that is a blend between what we already have and the fantastic it can be something not only that people can relate with.  That actually accounts for some of the most recent changes to the blog.  I want to focus here more on cultural and political ideas and allow my fiction to be where I play with the ideas I present here.  Hopefully I can accomplish that.
2. Write seven thousand words per week. (Between blog & fiction.)I need this because I haven't been writing nearly enough lately.  I'm going to need this for not only now, but once I begin in school again.  This will keep me honest about accomplishing writing.  I plan on returning to four blog posts a week, but one of those will be the Sunday Micropost in which I hope to just state progress in goals once again.  But this goal isn't just about writing 7000 words a week, but beginning a buffer for my blog.  I don't like being late, but I don't think it is crucial for all my Mashup pieces to be absolutely current.  Instead I want to introduce folks to wonderful blogs and wonderful topics that can help people become better writers or people.
3. Exercise five times a week & continuing the Juice Fast.This did not happen this week.  My wife and I started a Juice Fast, which has been awesome.  (After five days I've lost five pounds!)  But my energy levels to do things have been so low it is not even funny.  It is why I'm super late this week with my blogging.  There literally has not been enough energy to do much of anything.  It makes me a little sad, but I hope to make all that better in the next week.  And get back to exercising then too.
4. Finishing up my school work from my last semester in College.

     I got the query letter done that I needed to do, but I still have a lot of other work for this that I need to get done.  Saturday and Sunday are dedicated to getting through all of Pride and Prejudice.  I must do that.  Cause honestly that is the hardest thing ahead of me.  Everything else I can get done during Finals week.  My boss at work would tell me, use this week to get homework done, cause I've finished hiring for the Student Literary Journal I manage and I told everyone else to focus on their work.  I figure its only fair.

5. Get myself some stories ready to get published somewhere.
    I didn't get the story rewritten this past week, but it will happen this upcoming week.  I'm hoping that I can capture the elements that it was missing before.  And maybe it will be good enough to do something in the Writers of the Future contest.  Realistically I'm competing against so many better writers than me, so I doubt I'll make it.  But what I'm hoping for is that it sharpens my writing skills so that I can make progress toward my goal of publishing soon.

That's really all I have.  It has been a rough week for me exploring sites and getting new content due to my weariness.  Next Wednesday will be better.  (Mostly because of the Buffer.  I hope to have next Wednesday's post mostly ready by Monday.  I'll just be updating goals.)  Thanks for reading my blog and all.  I'm still Jayrod Garrett, the First OG.  Peace.