Three Points of No Return

"Past the point of no return

the final threshold -

the bridge is crossed, so stand

and watch it burn."

So now that the background music in your head has become "The Point of No Return" from Phantom of the Opera, our conversation today might resonate with you.  The point of no return is something that is common in our society, though we hardly speak of it as such.  Many of the choices we make in our lives can find meaning in the burning Opera House as we hatch our best plans to achieve worthy ends.  Perhaps the problem in such places is that we don't really think of changing our lives forever with certain choices, or that the effects of our choices change other peoples lives forever.  Today I'll only address three, but keep in mind there are far more than these.

The first point of no return we deal with in life is that of birth.  Nobody gets to go back in the womb after they have come out (unless they take the entire womb).  As my wife and I have been married five years this question is thrown at me every so often, "When is Jayrod Junior coming?"  I could answer with the fact that in all my wife's dreams we only have daughters, or talk about our psychological issues we are facing now so we don't screw up our kids later, but the main reason is simply this: We are not prepared to have kids yet.  It is because we know this is a point of no return.  When you have a child they have passed their first point of no return, but as a parent you should be used to this, and you owe it to them to give them the best life you are capable of giving them.

I know a lot of people who are really unhappy in their marriages because they made the choice to have children too soon.  Either they listened to a religious leader who said "It is selfish to not have children immediately after marriage," just weren't responsible with their birth control, or they were so baby hungry that they just couldn't wait.  My wife made a boundary early in our marriage that I have honored stating that until I took care of my issues we would not have any.  Funny thing is that boundary eventually became about our issues.  You can tell us how wrong that is or that we are "sinning," but the bottom line is: We don't care what you think.  We care what our children will think, and we know they will thank us for putting their welfare first.  The poor choices of our parents affected us, likewise as did their wise choices.  We want more wise choices to affect our children.

Another point of no return in life is marriage itself.  Obviously we have stopped regarding it as such, or else there wouldn't be such a high rate of divorce in the world today.  Some folks think of marriage like purchasing a house.  You get a starter spouse this year, to divorce them and later have your second who you hope to keep a lot longer.  But by marrying them you tie yourself to them both socially and emotionally.  It isn't as easy to disengage as just saying "I'm leaving."  You might see this on the outside, but there is emotional trauma underneath the surface, because it was a point of NO return.  Women leave those relationships believing men are all scum, or that something was wrong with them.  Men leave those relationships believing women are conniving whores and think they can treat them as less than human.  Mind you I'm not saying that is what everyone thinks, but trauma of that nature does occur.

I know because when I came home from Iraq the first time, my wife told me she wanted a divorce.  The wounds those words left were deep.  I scrambled to save my new marriage, and found myself failing for nearly three years and each time I heard those words "I want a divorce" I was even more traumatized.  If we had divorced, I would not have walked out of that marriage the same man who went into it.  Because just like marriage, divorce is also a point of no return.   Or perhaps we should refer to these points a little differently.  They are changing points in life.  They are like earthquakes, so life changing that the past looks entirely different to us afterwards.  And we wonder how we survived before that experience.

The last point of no return and perhaps the final is death.  After one dies, there really is no returning.  Not to life as you knew it.  Whether you believe in life after death, or just getting put in the ground, Death changes everything.  It is the final quake that reshapes the worlds of the people around you.  Most of us don't think about death, we just figure that we'll go on living until we die.  We don't prepare for it.  And saddest of all, we often don't live like we are going to die.  I'll repeat that.  

We don't live like we are going to die.  

You might ask me what I mean by that.  The answer is fairly simple.  Over the course of this blog we have spoken about birth and marriage.  These are subjects that have to do with the idea of legacy.  Legacy is what we leave behind after we have passed on.  Legacy doesn't have to do with our will and giving all our possessions away.  It has to do with making the world a better place.  Through our influence, through our children, and through our actions.  To never look at the choices we make in life lightly, and thoughtfully consider what it could mean years from now.  Perhaps that calls for us to live like chess players being able to anticipate what may happen in life five years from today, but how much better would the world be if people took having children more seriously, or getting married more seriously, or took their lives more seriously?  Perhaps I'm just old fashioned in the fact that I want my life to mean something one hundred years from now, and I the choices I make today will shape that reality.  Or maybe, just maybe that is one of the ideals we should strive to achieve.

Thanks for reading my rant.  Hopefully you got something out of it.  Whether to make your life better or to make your fiction more realistic.  I'm Jayrod Garrett, the First OG, and I hope that you navigate the points of no return successfully.  Peace, peoples!

What are some of the points of no return, you've successfully navigated?

War Post: May 16th Mashup and Goals

Another week another Mashup!  Good to see ya'll.  I hope that I'm able to deliver some good blogs and links for you all to be able to really enjoy.  This one will be a little long, because I'm focusing on not on blogs this week, but some good links to sites that can help you in your journey into the world of literature.  So without further ado I wish to introduce you to some of my favorite helps for writing more successfully!

Brandon Sanderson, Dan Wells, Howard Taylor, and Hugo Award Winning Mary Robinette Kowal host a program called "Writing Excuses" that you got to check out.  I learn a ton from their weekly program and have begun using their writing prompts in my writing group.

"I Should be Writing" by Muir Lafferty is a great podcast that gets real about writing.  Some of her material is videos, other things are just sound advice for how to become a better writer.  It would do you good to check her out.

This chart does a lot for my own self esteem, I figure it might help you out too.  It is called the "Photographic Height and Weight Chart."  It has helped me to better envision characters and get their proportions right in my head without having to look at hundreds of pictures online to get the same idea. It also has changed my ideas about weight and what is heavy and what is not.  Give it a look.

This blog is run by a group of authors too numerous to share here, but they have some of the best material on the web about how to write better fiction and keep yourself sane while doing so.  Check out "Magical Words", you won't be sorry you did.

For those of you who are aching to put yourself in ridiculous amounts of pain during the months of June or August, I have news for you!  Camp NaNoWriMo!  We get to do 50,000 words while working with folks in internet cabins.  I've never the camp before, but I think it will be a lot of fun.  I'm prepping myself for it now.  Oh for the record, I will not be writing something new.  Its a chance for me to get way ahead on Crimes and let my family know what kind of writing atmosphere I'll need come November.  Join me!

For those of you getting ready to submit Query Letters a great resource to look into is "Agent Query."  It is a website with all of the agents who are in the business all in one place.  You can start your research into a good agent starting here.  It will help you to get familiar with names and what a agent represents and allow you to find out what they really like to read too.

Do you like free music?  Do you like video game music?  Do you like remixes of free video game music?  Look no further then than "Overclocked Remix."  They are a great site that has given new life to a lot of the songs from my childhood of playing video games.  It is really neat to see what people do to the music to make it bearable to listen to outside of a game.

I'll end the favorite's this week with something that might appeal to some mathhead out there.  This was a site my cousin showed me years ago, which has helped me immensely with my math.  It is called "Wolfram Alpha."  It works much like a calculator, only you can put into it complicated problems that would take you a while to solve and it will show you all the steps of how it is done.  I don't honestly know how to get the best out of it, but I figure if you like math, you'll figure it out.  Enjoy!

And for our video of the week, I couldn't think of anything better than Lindsey Stirling's trip to Africa.

This girl makes me long to hear my cousin's wife play the violin.  
This week has really been about starting to make time for my writing.  Sometimes even when I shouldn't be writing.  I've sacrificed sleep to be able to write this week.  And it has finally gotten me closer to where I really want to be.  I'm a big believer in the idea of projecting what you really want.  You might have heard the idea on the movie The Secret.  It's not that much of a secret really, envision what you want, work with all your might towards that goal, and be receptive to the myriad of ways that your dream can come to life.  You'll notice that trend as we work through the goals today.
1. Finishing Chapter Two and starting Chapter Three of "Crimes of the Umbramancer by next week.     Chapter Two is done.  And I love what has happened in this chapter.  I think it gives a nice introduction to my second character and enables me to bring her to life in a way that keeps the tension of the story.  I'm really looking forward to what will happen in Chapter Three now.  I need to switch back to the point of view of Sora, but much of the action will be around another character.  Excitement builds!
2. Write seven four thousand words per week. (Between blog & fiction.)     I fell short of this goal by about three thousand words again.  Some of that is due to the anniversary, some of it is due to just not working hard enough, but most of it is due to the fact that the goal is unrealistic for me.  I think I can handle four thousand words.  Seven is just too much with all that I have on my plate.  (Keep in mind the four thousand is only my words for the blog and my fiction, I do other writing I don't count here.)
3. Exercise five times a week.     This is one of the most challenging goals.  I made it out to exercise three times and I got a gym membership and found friends to exercise with.  As I've been working at this blessings have been consistent.  I might not make the goal of five times a week yet, but things are certainly moving in a positive direction, that much is certain!
4. Finishing up my school work from my last semester in College.

     Still not done with this one.  I'm making it my goal to be done with this by the end of the round.  I think that will make my teacher happy, and also go towards making the atmosphere of achieving goals a lot more cheerful!

5. Spending time everyday with a spiritual source.
     I've been doing really well with praying everyday.  To be honest I usually find myself getting to Morning and Evening about once a week.  I spend a lot of time reading it then.  I would like to get a morning ritual of waking up and doing spiritual study then, but I'm trying to take things slow.

6. Finishing homework from Group Therapy.
     I'm all done with the first six weeks of my workbooks for group therapy!  I'm really proud of myself for actually getting it all done.  It's been pretty hard and I've learned a lot about myself.  I'm hoping that I'm able to keep up the great work as I progress into the next phase of my program.

A while ago my son asked me, "Why do you talk about writing your blog as if it is a chore?"  And it got me thinking that I must be putting off the wrong kind of energy about the things that I'm writing and working on.  I don't want to do that, so I've worked at making my goals more positive.  And thus far it is working, I feel better about writing and I want to do it more.  Just have to figure out the right balance between writing and the rest of life.

This is Jayrod Garrett, the First OG.  I'll be back on Friday with a post about a significant difference between the way that men and women think in my opinion.  Thanks for reading.  Much love to you all!  Peace.

Faces of Manipulation: Addiction – The acceptable plague

I remember back in 2009 when we called the Swine Flu h1n1 a pandemic in the United States.  It was a horrible state of affairs, I knew of professors at my university who died, I had friends who came down with it, and the atmosphere of my employment and school completely changed.  We suddenly cared about people being sick and getting them the care they needed because this virus was so dangerous.  In the end according to the CDC from April 2009 to April 2010 according to mid-range estimations 61 million people caught the virus, 274,000 people were hospitalized because of the virus, and 12,740 people died from the virus.  When you consider US NEWS estimates of the population were around 305 million people living in the United States it becomes clear why people were worried,  that's some pretty scary numbers.  But everyone takes a collective sigh of relief that we lost no more than 18,300 people to it.  That's less than a small city.  It wasn't that bad.  I was one of those who thought that way, until I realized that one out of every five people contracted the virus.  It got me thinking about the pandemics which have been taking lives for centuries and effecting even more people world wide than H1N1 even began to touch in a single year.  The pandemic, or rather plague, I'm talking about is addiction.

Now I like to think about addiction in much wider terms than just alcohol and drugs, because this pandemic has arms that are much longer and more dangerous than that.  An addiction is a pathological relationship with any mood-altering experience that has life-threatening consequences.  So what kinds of things can be considers mood altering experiences?  Alcohol, drugs (illegal and prescription), co-dependency, video games, and sex are only a few kinds of addiction.  Each one gives to the addict a different emotional experience that strengthens a relationship with the addiction and weakens the relationship they have with themselves.  And therein is the danger of addiction, because the addict loses themselves within their addiction which makes the addict capable of things that in a healthy state of mind they would never do.

Now you may ask why someone would seek out some experience or substance to make themselves feel better.  John Bradshaw describes addiction as "an outer reach for an inner security."  In other words addiction is an exterior symptom of a inward condition.  So when you see the alcoholic with their vodka, or the drug addict with their lines, there is a hole in their life that they are trying to fill with the drinking or cocaine.  The hole in my life is self acceptance.  My mind was broken during my childhood and I struggle with being able to see myself as a good person.

I've tried to fill that hole with being uber religious.  I've tried to fill that hole with numbing myself with video games.  I've tried to fill that hole through being co-dependent with others.  And each drug has only stripped me further of the acceptance I needed for myself.  God's acceptance never penetrated my resentment.  When I numbed my resentment I couldn't give of myself sincerely.  And I when I returned to helping others I overextended myself and grew more resentful.  Which sent me back to God asking for him to expel the anger and resentment from my heart.  But none of these things helped.

And I didn't get how they related to me, until in my group therapy they showed us this diagram.  Those places I tried to fill the hole with were unhealthy roles that removed me from who I really was.  As the uber religious person (Persecutor) I tried to force myself to God.  When I felt I was worthless (Victim) I played video games to make myself numb to my own pain.  And as when I went out to help people (Rescuer) I over extended myself frequently and found myself resenting the situation, the people, or myself.  And because I refused to directly channel that angry energy towards anyone I would just continue the cycle.  Does that sound healthy?

Every addict deals with these same roles in a different way.  Yet how many really have the education as how to deal with the addiction in such a way that they can begin to reclaim their identity?  Let's count.  According to the COA seventy six million Americans have been exposed to Alcoholism in their family.  Almost one in five adult Americans (18%) lived with an alcoholic while growing up.  And roughly one in eight American adult drinkers is an alcoholic or experiences problems due to the use of alcohol.  Worst of all is the cost to society which is in excess of $166 billion per year.  Shouldn't that mean the AA groups and Al-anon should be overflowing with people wanting help?  Or that perhaps our government should address this addiction problem more directly?  The scary part to me is that's just the alcoholics.  I haven't even addressed the co-dependents like myself, the drug addicts, the sex addicts, or the myriad of different addicts out there.  I would wager that every home in America has been affected by the actions of addicts in one way or another.  And we called h1n1 a pandemic?

It is up to each of us to take the time to learn about this plague and do what we can to establish having healthy identities of our own, and to teach our children to have healthy identities of their own.  There are groups like Alcoholics Anonymous for some.  Others need groups like LifeStar.  Rehab is a solution for some, but that's expensive and they don't always help you find your real identity.  They just keep you clean long enough that you think you're healed.  And the truth of it is, addiction is a life-long disease.  You can manage it, but you'll never be cured.

My wife is with me on my journey of healing right now.  Because she has been harmed by my self harm.  She has learned things that she has to unlearn to be able to be whole for herself.  Addicts never harm only themselves, they always leave victims in their wake.  Whether the victim is the child ignored for the addict's isolation, the spouse the addict beat to control, or the woman in the casket the addict hit when they drove drunk.  And we as a society must learn enough to help addicts seek the help they need without hating them for their weakness.  Because hatred will not heal our homes or the addicts either.

I'm an addict in recovery.  You might wonder what that means.  It means I work daily towards seeing myself in healthy vision.  I find seek out healthy ways to cope with my pain.  And I recognize that I will always be an addict.  But it doesn't define who I am.  My boundaries, my hobbies, and how I help others do define me.  The lion in my mirror can either be the shame and repulsion of self that eats at me because I'm not living up to who I can be, or he can be my potential and the image I work towards being with each day.  I choose potential.

I am Jayrod Garrett, the First OG, and it is my sincere hope that we as a nation can start to address these real problems in our society.  Addiction is only one of many.  Not only a face of manipulation, but a mirror of the society that we are embracing.  What other problems do you see in the mirror?

Religion Interviews #1: A Modern Saint

This picture sits in our living room.

Good day folks!  Today I have a guest on my blog.  It is my wife, Jenny Garrett.  I wanted to give folks an unbiased view of Mormonism from someone who would understand what it means to have lived as a different denomination.  My wife belonged to the Episcopal Church as she was growing up and made a choice during her teen years to become a Latter Day Saint (Hence the name of this blog).  For those of you not of our faith, this is one view of how one balances faith with what they know.  I do this same thing differently, however I would like to believe that I am as unorthodox in my beliefs as my wife.  You will meet various Mormons who see things slightly different as in any church, but the teachings through the church itself are the same.  For the orthodox saints who read this, there are no apologies made here for how my wife has chosen to live.  Not from her or from myself.  God has accepted us as we are, and we expect any God fearing man or woman to do the same.  To quote my wife, "We are all products of our life’s experiences and I have settled into my faith and beliefs because of things that have happened in my life, the people I have known, and the trials that the Lord has helped me through."  And within our own doctrine it states:  “We claim the privilege of worshiping Almighty God according to the dictates of our own conscience, and allow all men (including other Mormons!) the same privilege, let them worship how, where, or what they may"(Article of Faith 11).  So without further ado, my first question.

 #1 I've heard that members of the LDS faith are not Christian, is that true?

It depends on how you define the term “Christian.” If by Christian you mean people who believe that Jesus Christ is an actual man, the son of God, who lived a sinless life, ministered to the sick, preached Gods word to the masses, was crucified, and then arose from the dead, and that his death atoned for the sins of mankind - then yes, we are indeed Christians. But if you define Christianity as having a belief in the holy trinity and a testimony of the Nicene Creed and the Apostles Creed, then no, we are not Christians in that sense.

The majority of Christian tradition believes that God came down to Earth in mortal form, and that we called him Jesus Christ. For example, my Grandfather literally believed that Jesus Christ was God in a mans body. I grew up in the Episcopal Church and they taught that Jesus was God; God the son. As a child I found that confusing because I would read scriptures about how Jesus would pray, and I couldn’t understand who he was praying to if he was God.

Us LDS folk believe that God is a separate entity from Jesus Christ, even though they are one in purpose. We are what is called “Unitarianism” as opposed to the Christian tradition of “Trinitarianism.” We are one of several religions under the umbrella of Christianity who believe this way. Some of the others are the Jehovahs Witnesses and the Unitarian Universalists - both are great churches full of great people, we are in good company. I have found that the Nicene Creed is vague enough that it fits the spectrum of the LDS belief system, except where Jesus Christ is described as “being of one substance with the Father” and the declaration about believing in the “one holy Catholic and apostolic Church” However, our LDS prophets have clearly stated that we do not believe in the traditional Christian creeds.

I feel like a Christian. I read the New Testament, study the parables that Jesus Christ taught, try my best (fail though I do) to apply those teachings to my own life, I pray to God in the name of Jesus Christ, follow the commandments, and on Christmas and Easter I ponder the birth and resurrection of Christ first and foremost before I indulge in all the super fun pagan rituals that we all do, like putting trees in our house and hiding eggs in the yard. I call myself a Christian, and if anybody else says that I am not, well, it’s not really up to them to decide what I am.

#2 What is it about Joseph Smith? Is he a prophet or some nut job?

Why can’t he be both? The Lord often calls unqualified men and women to do his work, does he not? From the LDS bible dictionary, a prophet is in a general sense anyone who has a testimony of Jesus Christ by the Holy Ghost. So, many people can be prophets. The question is rather, is he the prophet, seer and revelator he claimed to be?

Joseph Smith restored things to the Earth that were missing. The end result is the church we have today, which is wholesome and good, and has blessed many lives. We know Jesus Christ better, we have the most beautiful music, we have the largest Women’s organization on the planet, we have the tranquility of our temples. After a disaster, the Mormons are often there helping before the Red Cross even gets there. We give humanitarian aid to many impoverished countries. We have the power to do so much good.

But Joseph Smith did some pretty outlandish things in his day, and we often overlook them because they aren’t considered faith building. We sugarcoat many things about Joseph Smiths life. For example, much of the Book of Mormon was translated by Joseph Smith covering his face with a hat and seeing the words on a seer stone inside the hat. Now, if that’s the way it was done, and it was directed by the Lord to be done that way, why then do we hang paintings like the one above in our homes?

Why do we make him out to be so dang handsome?
  He looks like this in photos, yet looks like Adonis
in the paintings. 

Because it seems foreign to us, and maybe even a little weird, how it was really done. Then we make movies about the life of Joseph Smith and don’t include the “hat thing” at all. Then we don’t include the fact that he married so many women, some who were teenage girls, and some who were already married to other men. He was a mayor, started his own militia, and planned to run for president. That’s pretty lofty! We sweep these undesirable things under the rug in an effort to keep people from doubting, but then they find out, feel deceived, and their whole faith falls apart.

I have heard some people say “If Jesus tried to attend sacrament meeting, we wouldn’t let him in because he has a beard, long hair, sandals, and isn’t wearing a suit.” It’s a cute little idea, and it tries to point out that we are sticklers for a tidy church appearance. But I submit this thought to you: If Joseph Smith was a member today, he would likely be excommunicated for his behavior.

Why can’t we have this? Joseph Smith: an imperfect man who was also a prophet of God. We sometimes put too much of our faith in Joseph Smith, when we should be putting it in Jesus Christ, and I think Joseph Smith might agree with me on that. It’s ok that he was not a perfect man. At least, I’m ok with it.

#3 I couldn't help but notice that your husband is black, has that ever caused you any grief during your time in the church?

Within the church, no. The day we were sealed for time and eternity, we were treated like royalty inside the temple. All of the workers there in Manti didn’t seem to care a speck that our skin colors were different. Might be a little surprising considering they were older, white, rural Mormons, but they were all wonderful to us.

The Garrett's outside the Manti Temple in Utah

Before we got married, I received council from my Bishop in New Hampshire. He is Chinese and his wife of a few decades is white, so he knew a thing or two about interracial marriage.

However in the culture of Utah, which is sometimes confused with the dictates of the church, because the two are so enmeshed, I have gotten some dirty looks from people, and confused looks from little children. An uninformed teenager was surprised that interracial marriages happened in the temple. Nothing too bad though. I think the only hurtful things have been said from our actual family, the strangers seem pretty accepting. It bothers people much more that I have tattoos. Now that has been my biggest grief!

#4 Do you have a conversion story and would you be so kind as to share it with us?

Yes, I do have a conversion story. Everyone should! The people who are born into the church should become converted at some point just like us converts. I was baptized in 2000. It was a difficult age to join the church. I was 18 and had finished school, so too old for young women’s. All the sisters in Relief Society were at least 30, the closest institute class was 50 minutes away and the singles ward was just as far.

St. Johns Episcopal Church

As previously mentioned, I was raised Episcopal. I was baptized as an infant, and my Grandmother saw to it that I was fairly active in the church. I received my first communion (around age 8) after taking a few weeks of confirmation classes. I was an acolyte (altar girl) for years and sang in the Jr. Choir. In the summers of my childhood I would attend a Lutheran church with my other Grandmother.

I received several years of sunday school education. I still love the Episcopal Church, very much. I appreciate how progressive they are. We have attended midnight mass on Christmas Eve for the last 3 years because it brings back such fond memories for me, it’s actually my favorite part of Christmas. But as I became a teenager I lost interest in going to church.

When I was 16 years old, something happened in our family that shook me to my core. My Uncle, an amazing man, loving and kind and very good to me, who was serving in the Peace Corps, was shot and killed in a robbery - he was only 32. I never knew anyone who had died, let alone be murdered. I was inconsolable, just devastated. I went through some of the stages of grief, denial at first. When it finally hit me I just sobbed for days, sobbed like a person with no hope. And I was angry. And I was confused. I started to turn to religion to succor the immense pain. My belief system didn’t really have the answers I was looking for. I wanted to know if my Uncle still existed somewhere, somehow. Would I ever see him again?

I began to study religion, anything I could get my hands on. And this was in the days before internet research, I was reading honest to goodness books made out of paper. I studied Catholicism, Judaism, Shinto, Islam, Zoroastrianism, Buddhism, you name it. I started getting called “Jesus Freak” at school. When I slowed down with the partying I had been doing, a lot of my friends lost interest in me. About 18 months into my search for religion, I picked up a book of Mormon for the first time. It was my mothers book. She and my Grandmother had joined the church a few years before, but fell away. When they joined, I wanted no part of it! I opened up the book, and the first few pages were of men signing their names that the book was true. I had never seen a book like that before. I literally called the LDS missionaries who were in the phonebook under ‘LDS missionaries’ and I said “My name is Jennifer and I want to get baptized” and they were like “Who is this really?” I listened to the discussions, quit smoking, and took the plunge! The LDS church had the answers for all my burning questions.

Some things I remember about my baptism were that my best friend showed up late and missed it, and also a friend of mine, Eugene, who I had not seen in a long time showed up, and he was a member of the church and I never knew. And my dear old friend Ben showed up too. We sang “I Stand All Amazed” because it was my Grandmas favorite hymn from when she was a member, and my friend Sariah gave a short talk. I felt so loved and welcomed by the members, a love that I don’t think I had ever felt before. A love that I feel is sometimes lacking by some of the wards I have belonged to in Utah.

My Mom was there for me, and my cousin Jan was very supportive. My Grandma was thrilled even though she had left the church. She took me to get my first set of LDS scriptures, which are the ones that I still use. Some of my family members were very upset with me, some thought it was a big joke and I lost Susan, one of my best friends. The last thing she said to me was that I was a “self righteous bitch.” And I get it, I understand it now. I was that freshly baptized overzealous teenager, and I was trying to change her.

Shortly after my baptism, I traveled to Washington DC to do baptisms for the dead. It was then that I fell in love with LDS temples and the tranquility inside. It has been 12 years now, my faith has changed, grown and evolved and I choose to stay in the LDS church so that people like me can bring about change. If all the liberals, democrats, intellectuals, and free thinkers leave the church, how will it ever change? The changes I’d like to see are more equality for women, more acceptance and love for our LGBT brothers and sisters, and more love and support for those struggling with addiction.

#5 Are you going to vote for Mitt Romney, cause he's Mormon? I've heard a lot of Mormons plan on doing that.

The last thing I would do is vote for someone simply because they belonged to my church. Being LDS does not ensure that someone is a moral person, nor does it promise that someone is competent enough to run a country. When I first heard of Mitt Romney, in the early 2000’s, I remember thinking that a Mormon politician was an oxymoron. That being said, I believe he is educated enough, experienced enough, and competent enough to run the country. But he won’t run the United States the way that I think is right and moral, which is the main reason I will not be voting for him.

I lived in Massachusetts while he was the governor. If he was still “that guy” the Romney of 2003 or 2004, I might vote for him. But he has changed considerably. The man who instituted the Massachusetts health care insurance reform law, is now against “Obama Care.” He once supported stem cell research, and now he no longer does. He once supported a woman’s right to chose, specifically because a close friend of his died from an illegal abortion - but he has abandoned that also and is now pro-life. I won't stand behind a man who changes his core beliefs to suit his career goals.

#6 How do you reconcile the faith of your childhood and the faith of your adulthood?

The faith of my childhood was based on the faith of the adults in my life. My family was Episcopal and so, that is what I believed. But there comes a time in everyones life when you have to decide for your self what you believe and what feels right to you, and not base your faith on what somebody else has decided is right. In the LDS church, we call it “piggybacking on your parent's testimony.” Even when our prophets speak, they tell us to pray about it and learn for ourselves, through the holy spirit, if what they say is true. I think this is an important step to take because not every word that rolls off the tongue of a church leader is meant for every member of the church. Sometimes the faith journey that we must take gets confusing because we want to please our friends and family. We might want to please them even more than we want to find which path we should travel. As William Shakespeare penned, "Above all: to thine own self be true."

After moving to Utah, something I saw for the first time was children getting up during testimony meeting with their moms behind them. I love seeing children getting up and speaking, but here in Utah their mothers whisper into their ear what to say. They tell them to say that the church is true, that they know Joseph Smith was a prophet of God. How does this little child know that? They're not even clear on if Santa Claus is true, or if a flying woman actually removes teeth from under their pillows in exchange for cash. And how will they ever know that for themselves if you have been telling them to say it since they could walk? I would much rather have the children go up there and say what they actually feel and believe.

One of the sweetest testimonies I have ever heard was from a little girl who lost her pet rat and she prayed and prayed until she found it. She wanted to tell everyone listening that day, that Heavenly Father answers prayers and cares about rats.

*    *    *

Thanks Jenny.  For your thoughts and your words today.  I feel privileged to be able to share them with my audience.  And I hope that all of you find something in what she has shared to help you better understand our religion.  This is Jayrod and Jenny Garrett, the OG's, and we hope you've enjoyed today's blog.  If you have any questions that you would like to ask us, please comment below and we'll respond to them as soon as we can.  Thanks so much!

The Difference a Teacher Can Make

In another life I work at a Junior High School as a tutor.  Often it is an uplifting job, because I get to work with smart kids who are learning about their own potential and want to really go someplace with their lives.  Sometimes though, I hate being there.  Not because the kids don't care (and sometimes they don't), but because I hear the way the "teachers" are speaking to them in the hall.  As a society often we talk about the disrespect of students towards teachers, when I think we should consider the fact that the students are learning disrespect from their teachers.  Calling your students, "Lazy Lumps" or telling them that you can't believe they can't solve a problem on the board doesn't really inspire them to give their all in class.  Yelling at them like animals isn't a solution either.  But I've seen teachers do both of these things as a tutor.

Mind you I'm not saying teachers are terrible.  I believe that most of them are given tools to educate, test, and show our students the way to success.  But most of them are taught how to deal with the ideal classroom rather than a real classroom and this can frustrate and discourage even the best or most well meaning teacher.  And as I was once told by one of my mentors, "Discipline is the most important thing a teacher must teach."

For example, a few years ago I was in a classroom with a man who told his students how stupid he thought they were when they wouldn't answer his questions when he taught them at the board.  After doing so, he still expected for them to do their work, but most of them just refused.  When I was in his classroom I noticed that there were three types of students in his class.  The ones who refused to care, the ones who refused to let him keep them down, and the ones who were hurt by his callous attitude.  I didn't spend a lot of time with the ones who weren't effected by him, and instead focused on the students who he hurt the most with his comments.  In a few weeks of being in his class they were working hard on every assignment, because for every time he insulted them I reminded them of how smart they were and helped them with the work.  They trusted me and what I said more than what he said and soon enough they were able to answer his questions on the board and he was praising them too.  But had he chosen to discipline them with expectations according to their ability instead of ridiculing them for their silence he could have developed that relationship with them on his own.

The following is a video of one of my online mentors, Mr. Taylor Mali.  He's a poet and a teacher and the message in this video is superb.  Take a few minutes and watch it.  I'll wait.  He's worth it.




I think Mr. Mali would agree that right now we are in a teaching epidemic.  How many of our kids come home from school feeling this way about their teachers?  Too often they have one teacher like Mr. Mali, the others don't seem to care enough, and then there's one who is just awful.  And that awful one makes you never want to send your child to school again, because the awesome teachers can't undo the damage the awful one's do alone.

So if you have children, please be more involved in their education.  Teachers do have tenure, but nothing says that they have to attend a class or a school where they are being hurt.  One of my friends recently kept her daughter from going to a school where her son had problems.  Other friends have gotten their students involved with helping their teachers.  When a student understands the work load a teacher is under, it changes how they participate in their classrooms.

It is time to expect something more of our teachers and the systems that prepare them for the classroom. But this isn't just about teachers in the classroom.  It is also about what we invest in our children's education.  Teachers should be able to expect us to support them.  When that teacher who was calling students stupid, when he had the support of his students his attitude changed.  If we teach our children they need to support teachers and show that through our own example by communicating with them, sharing our concerns, and praising them for what they are doing well we can make a community of teaching that can change the lives of countless students.

I have a pretty solid plan for what I will do if I am not able to make it at first as a novelist.  I have every intention of teaching in a classroom.  And even if I make it as a novelist I'll be finding ways to support teachers in my community.  Because teaching is a communal activity.  You, I, and our teachers all play a part.  And it is my hope that the future will be bright because we all learn how we can.  I'm the First OG, Jayrod Garrett, and I just want to know:

In what ways do you see us being able to better support our teachers?

War Post: 14th April's Mashup + Major Goal Revision

I have to apologize for the lateness of this post.  I wanted to get a little homework done this past week and but I've been on a Juice fast because of a movie I watched called "Fat, Sick, and Nearly Dead."  One of the things the folks who were on the fast talked about was the fact that they had so much more energy.  For me it has been exactly the opposite.  No energy to do anything outside of work has been terrible.  The only reason I've been able to finish as much as I have today is because I took a nap.  Naps are wonderful things that enable us to accomplish so much more with our time.  So I'm going to cover bunch of the links of the past week and then show you how my goals have changed recently.  Lets go!

Raylene opens us up today with some things to say when we are angry in: "What is your favorite non-swearing swear?"

Larry Correia's wife goes off like a rocket about the real choices of women in: "Guest post: Mrs.Correia on the War on Women."

Shila Iris shows us Adrinka symbols in: "Adinkra Symbols."

On ROW80 the linky is up!  Check it out at: "The Linky" or "A Round of Words in Eighty Days."

Todd Bessinger shares a few tips on how to build a great title in: " Whats in a Name: How to Develop Your Title."

Nathan Bransford shares some editing rules in: "Ten Commandments for Editing Someones Work."

Teri Harman goes hoarse in: " Blood to Ink: Your Voice May Hate You, But Your Writing Will Thank You."

Becky Wright of the Standard Examiner shows a local woman's passion for art in: "Ghetto Life Fuels Artist's Imagination."

Finding something funny this week was a challenge.

Clean funny video suggestions are welcome.

This past week has been super hard on my goals and I have had to do some serious reconstruction of them.  Because I've had my head in the clouds about what I can do realistically.  So I went back to the drawing board and made some hard decisions about what I want and what I can do.  

1. Finishing Draft Two of "Crimes of the Umbramancer" by the 30th of April.1. Finishing Chapter Two of "Crimes of the Umbramancer by next week.
Let's be honest.  I haven't really achieved any writing goals for a while.  I have no end of excuses.  We had a second teenager move into our house, we started a new diet, I started a new job, I'm tired, and on and on.  Really its a lot.  Then you consider that my progress ended as soon as I found out that I had a problem in the plot, its super sad.  I lost my momentum, but I still care about the story.  So I'm going to revise my entire method of working through the book.  If it takes me longer than another year to get through this, it is okay.  This book needs to be done right, not fast.

So I started doing research on both Japanese culture (thanks to Eden) and now because of one of our teenagers I'm learning about Hispanic culture also.  I want my brand of fantasy to be multicultural fantasy and I think if I invest the time into making a world that is a blend between what we already have and the fantastic it can be something not only that people can relate with.  That actually accounts for some of the most recent changes to the blog.  I want to focus here more on cultural and political ideas and allow my fiction to be where I play with the ideas I present here.  Hopefully I can accomplish that.
2. Write seven thousand words per week. (Between blog & fiction.)I need this because I haven't been writing nearly enough lately.  I'm going to need this for not only now, but once I begin in school again.  This will keep me honest about accomplishing writing.  I plan on returning to four blog posts a week, but one of those will be the Sunday Micropost in which I hope to just state progress in goals once again.  But this goal isn't just about writing 7000 words a week, but beginning a buffer for my blog.  I don't like being late, but I don't think it is crucial for all my Mashup pieces to be absolutely current.  Instead I want to introduce folks to wonderful blogs and wonderful topics that can help people become better writers or people.
3. Exercise five times a week & continuing the Juice Fast.This did not happen this week.  My wife and I started a Juice Fast, which has been awesome.  (After five days I've lost five pounds!)  But my energy levels to do things have been so low it is not even funny.  It is why I'm super late this week with my blogging.  There literally has not been enough energy to do much of anything.  It makes me a little sad, but I hope to make all that better in the next week.  And get back to exercising then too.
4. Finishing up my school work from my last semester in College.

     I got the query letter done that I needed to do, but I still have a lot of other work for this that I need to get done.  Saturday and Sunday are dedicated to getting through all of Pride and Prejudice.  I must do that.  Cause honestly that is the hardest thing ahead of me.  Everything else I can get done during Finals week.  My boss at work would tell me, use this week to get homework done, cause I've finished hiring for the Student Literary Journal I manage and I told everyone else to focus on their work.  I figure its only fair.

5. Get myself some stories ready to get published somewhere.
    I didn't get the story rewritten this past week, but it will happen this upcoming week.  I'm hoping that I can capture the elements that it was missing before.  And maybe it will be good enough to do something in the Writers of the Future contest.  Realistically I'm competing against so many better writers than me, so I doubt I'll make it.  But what I'm hoping for is that it sharpens my writing skills so that I can make progress toward my goal of publishing soon.

That's really all I have.  It has been a rough week for me exploring sites and getting new content due to my weariness.  Next Wednesday will be better.  (Mostly because of the Buffer.  I hope to have next Wednesday's post mostly ready by Monday.  I'll just be updating goals.)  Thanks for reading my blog and all.  I'm still Jayrod Garrett, the First OG.  Peace.

The Culture Blogs: Sex Education, isn't it about time?

As I finished my last blog I said that I was going to blog about Abortion.  Let's just say that was the seed of a larger idea.  This is one of many trees that have grown from that seed.  I'll get to Abortion itself eventually, but we need a foundation by which to have that conversation.  This series is dedicated to building a better foundation for people understanding sex itself.

President Obama said during his last campaign a loaded statement about his daughers: "If they make a mistake, I don't want them punished with a baby."  This is the kind of fodder that political newscasters rail folks for and here you can see it developed into a meme.  So I went to CNN for a more complete version of what was said.  He followed this statement with: "I don't want them punished with a STD at the age of 16."  Which clearly made this conversation about Sex Education.  But for the sake of our discussion I'd like bring up a single point of the wide array of subjects underneath Sexual Education:  Birth Control.

Politically, Sexual Education is a wedge issue.  In my experience these are issues politicians talk about a lot, and put into place poor standards for how to fix them.  Danielle Deaver's experience is an example of this.  And I'll be honest I don't blame them.  We as American's don't take the time to really learn about most issues in our society.  We tend to hear a few comments that we agree with or disagree with and base our decision on what we want on that.  Because let's face it, most of us don't really want the facts.  The facts can mess with our idea of morality, and too many of us are too shallow in our ideologies to really deal with them (notice I didn't remove myself from that generalization).

My wife a few years ago was in a Human Sexuality class where she was asked to ask a Pharmacist: What is the most effective form of birth control?  The purpose of the question was to see how pharmacists might react to that question.  Well when she went to the pharmacy she wasn't wearing her wedding ring (cause she was going to go exercise after the visit) and she was wearing a Carebears hoodie which made her look like a 19 year old.  And when she approached the pharmacy the pharmacy assistant asked if they could help her.  She asked her question and it caused the assistant take a step back away from her and the counter.  (I can't help, but wonder why?  Maybe it had something to do with her unadorned left hand.)  The assistant then went back to get the Pharmacist and spoke in a low voice to the pharmacist.  The Pharmacist came up, looked at my wife's left hand, and then asked my wife how he could help her.  She asked her question.  Afterwards he began asking her questions that she felt were inappropriate such as: "Why don't you want to have children?"  "How old are you?"& "Does your partner approve of this?"  Because she is awesome, she managed to put up with it long enough for the pharmacist to give her the information.  In her class she was the only person who had a bad experience, but she's not alone in this kind of treatment.  Karen, on prochoice America's Youtube channel shares about her own pharmacy refusal story here.   They are two of thousands who I'm certain have been given the same treatment.  This frightens me.  Not because of their questions, but about the kind of power a Pharmacist (who is a medical professional and therefore required by law to be impartial) has.  Because if either one of them came in as a rape victim and asked for the morning after pill, there is a high likelihood that either the Pharmacist would have refused or they would have walked out because of the emotional stress the Pharmacist would be putting them through.  Neither one of those answers are acceptable.

Birth Control takes various different forms from pills, to condoms, to even implants to prevent pregnancy.  It isn't something folks use just because they don't want a baby, it is used for far more purposes than that.  The morning after pill is crucial for victims of rape, because I cannot see anything more traumatic than giving birth to the child of your rapist.  Even if she puts the child up for adoption she will always wonder about that child and that could get in the way of her healing.  The morning after pill prevents a impregnation in several ways (all of which can be found at goaskalice.com).  Two of which are: Stopping the woman's overies from releasing eggs (ovulation), and making the uterine lining inhospitable to a fertilized egg.  Now contrary to popular belief this is not abortion because there will not be a pregnancy at all if the zygote or blastocyst doesn't attach to either the fallopian tube (which you don't want to happen under any circumstances) or the uterine wall.  This saves a rape victim from having to deal with birthing a possible child from her attacker.

Ever heard of Polycytic Ovary Syndrome?  This is one of the most common female endocrine disorders  which can cause anovulation, irregular menstration, amenorrhea, and polycystic ovaries.  And one of the things they prescribe to help with it is Birth Control Pills.

And lets face it, what if a woman does want to use birth control so that she can have sexual intercourse?  Does this make her a slut?  No.  Basing this on a moral judgment is unfair because all of us have different moral backgrounds.  We don't have a right to judge a woman who has chosen to be responsible about when she has children.  The funny thing about the responsible woman is she has been made a rarity, because receiving an education to be responsible is difficult.  In my experience the same folks who would judge the woman for her actions, are the same who will not give their children an adequate sexual education.  Instead many of them speak of sex as dirty, sinful, and ugly.  Because we don't support sexual education, we unwittingly support the entertainment media that sells kids sexual glamorization.

If we want a nation where birth control is used responsibly we have to give our citizens the right to learn about it.  If parents won't open their mouths, then we need it in our schools and we need professionals who are qualified to teach it without an inflection of their own moral system.  I was in college before I had adequate education concerning sex to help my understanding.  Is it just me, or does that strike you as too late?

I'm deliberately avoiding current controversies to institute deeper thought, because I know as well as you do sometimes we think on an emotional basis as opposed to a logical one.  I hope that this has expanded your understanding concerning birth control.  And I welcome your opinions.  Feel free to add to these thoughts in a way that doesn't tear down what anyone else thinks or believes.  I'm Jayrod Garrett, the First OG and here's a departing question for you:

Do you want your children to be punished by children or

Recognize them for the gift that they really are?

The Weapons Cache: Guns and Gun Control

Howdy folks!  Before I get into the gun toting action of this blog too far, I wanted to share with you about A Round of Words in Eighty Days.  Some of you know that I participate in this event and on Wednesdays with my Mashup you can find a list of my goals for the week with the event.  Well... just to let you know the second round started today!  Woo hoo!  So if you are looking for a writing community to help you to reach your potential this is a great place to stop.  We have several published and unpublished authors who want to support you and help you to reach your dreams.  So give it a shot.  Now that we've finished that, it is on to the guns!



Even though I've been a soldier for the past twelve years I never really got into guns.  Now I know there are folks out there who are thinking that this is some sort of crazy sacrilege, but it is the truth.  I've always thought they were neat, that they were powerful, but I'd take a sword any day over a gun.  Swords in my book are just cooler.

That is probably how a lot of folks feel about guns, because I remember when I was younger seeing the character to the left in a video game called Final Fantasy 7.  A great game and a great story, but some of the science they had in the game was dead wrong.  Like Barret here.  Notice the chain gun on his right arm.  That isn't something that could ever be attached to a person because it wouldn't ever work.  It is a nice idea, but it wouldn't function in real life.  The reason that comes to mind most immediately is that the recoil on such a weapon is incredible.  He would be thrown back every time he tried to fire such a weapon.  There is a reason why police officers hold guns in two hands and a person with a rifle puts it up to their shoulder.  You can't fire accurately when you can't control the weapon properly.

For example, I'm sure all of you have seen this: the sidehold.  Kay, this doesn't work because one, the gun is pointed down.  Two, he doesn't have the proper support to actually aim his fire.  And three because he's put it on its side he can't aim it because the weapon is designed to be aimed when  everything is horizontal rather than vertical.  This is not cool, nor is it neat.  The way this man is holding this weapon shows his disrespect for the weapon and carelessness for human life.

Through my training in the military I've developed a moral sense of how a weapon should be handled, and I think if everyone followed these rules we would have no need of gun control laws.  I'm going to share with you a version of these rules from the Marines and then I'm going to break it down in the style of the OG.

The four rules of safety for a firearm are as follows:

1. Treat every weapon as if it were loaded.
     This means that you should treat it as if it were loaded at all times.  I've seen folks who have pointed guns at other people because they think its funny.  I'm sorry, its not.  Please don't point a gun at me, because I don't know if it is loaded or unloaded.  And you should only point a weapon at someone or something you intend on killing.
2. Keep your finger straight and off the trigger, until you intend to fire.
     This is such an important rule.  Triggers do not take a lot of pressure to pull.  Consider it only takes a little strength in one finger to pull most triggers.  And if you have your finger in the trigger well and someone surprises you, guess what, your gun just went off.  This is even worse when you consider a hairline trigger, that takes hardly any pressure to cause the hammer to drop.
3. Never point your weapon at anything you don't intend to shoot.
     When you point your weapon at someone you don't intend on shooting, you start a habit of being careless with a firearm.  You should NEVER be careless with a firearm.  Consider the purpose of a gun for most folks is to kill.  Do you want to make anyone feel like you are out to kill them?  I certainly hope not.  This might seem a little repetitive.  Did I mention this above?  Yeah, I did.  Put a star next to rules one and three.
4. Keep your weapon on safe until you intend to fire.
     You know what this really means?  Be familiar enough with your weapon to know when it is on safe and on fire.  This means you might need to find out what all the parts are and what they do.  The diagram to the left is a good start to understanding a gun a lot better.  But I'm certain if you Google it, you can find much better examples.

Now honestly if we actually had most folks follow those rules, we would have little need for gun laws.  If we actually would spend time learning the correct principles behind how to use these we wouldn't have the government dictating who and who can't purchase a weapon as much as they do.  Say what you want about Obama and Democrats wanting stricter gun laws, I believe that we have a great amount of say in the laws we have in our country.  And when we don't take responsibility for our actions, others will do so for us, because they want to protect their families from those who might hurt them because they do not have the good sense to be responsible.

Government has the purpose of guiding and protecting us as people.  And just like a gun when we choose to ignore the proper use of the government, or abuse its power, we deny ourselves the freedoms that we would otherwise blessed to enjoy.  That's part of the reason that I've chosen to be a soldier, it is because I care about the freedoms that I have and I'm willing to kill, and even die to protect those freedoms.

Most people have guns for similar reasons to that.  They have them to protect their homes, nothing more.  The gangsters from Los Angeles and New York we see have them to protect their families too.  Misguided though they are, they want to protect what they feel is theirs.  Hunters use them to provide for their families.  So even though this weapon has the purpose of killing, it can provide through its proper use several blessings.

Do you own a gun or a rifle?  I didn't until recently.  My adopted Dad, purchased me a Mosin Nagant for Christmas.  It is a beautiful weapon with a maximum effective range of 2000 yards.  I'm really looking forward to getting out to a range to learn better how to use it.  Because I refuse to be an uneducated gun owner.  When you hold the power of life or death in your hands, it is crucial that you understand how to use it, and even more important that you can use it properly.

Well another month has come and gone.  I'm sad to see March gone, but April looks like it is going to be a beautiful month to be honest with you.  I feel like I'm going to get a lot of writing done and that's always a good thing.  Another good thing is that we have a winner for our giveaway last month.  And that is: Carmen Esposito.  Congratulations!

Unfortunately, I need to be responsible.  My family has fallen on some hard times financially, so I cannot do this for the month of April.  Perhaps in May things will be better and I'll feel like we can afford it, but not this month.  My apologies.  But I'm sure if you look around my blog you'll always find a good book to read, cause I like to recommend books.

Well that's all I have for now.  This is Jayrod Garrett, the First OG keeping it real with a few questions for you.  For those of you who are gun nuts out there: What would you recommend for a good pistol?  And for those of you who barely know anything about guns: How do you think gun safety education would benefit us as a society?