Goals for the New Year

I think Mr. Einstein was on to something when he said that. I can recall that many of the greatest experiences of my life have been those related to having a goal. I've won NaNoWriMo twice now. I'm a year off from graduating from college. I've gotten married. I've gotten help for my addiction. And on and on goes the list of goals that I've set and been able to achieve. And I think I want to actually reach for things that are terrifying now. Because when our goals scare us, the joy we get from their achievement is multiplied.

You can do anything, when you set
your mind to it.

This year I plan on going to Clarion West Writers Workshop. It is a workshop that is based entirely upon the submission of a work of fiction. The story that I wrote during this last NaNoWriMo "The Blood Malediction" is the story that I'll be sending to the judges. It is based in the same world of "Crimes of the Umbramancer." And writing it already has developed that world far more than I would have thought it would. I've finished the first draft of the story at 10,672 words. I'm now in the process of rewriting it. My rewrite and edits have to be done by the end of January for me to send it in to the judges of the workshop (not because the deadline is then, but because I don't want to send it to the judges once they are burning out).

The food my demon prefers: Eyeballs.

I can't tell you how much this scares me. I'm competing on a national level with my writing and hoping that others like it enough to get me to a place that I can take it to the next level. I find myself wondering if I'm good enough. Wondering if I will belong if I make it. Wondering if I haven't wasted all this time working towards this dream that can't come true. I know that it is the inner demon critic within trying to tear me down. That knowledge is the only reason I refuse to allow myself to wonder in those avenues.

My internal editor is much
like my wife. Supportive
& willing to push me.

Instead I go to the productive places. Like tonight I was writing a scene that I had watched multiple classmates attempt and get wrong, and I found myself making the same mistakes. I fought with myself to figure out why this scene had relevance and found what made the scene meaningful. That struggle made me really think about what I want to say with my writing, and it got me to the place where I understood my characters and their motivations much better than if I had simply allowed myself to make the same mistakes they did. This is the work of my friend, my internal editor. I am grateful for him, because he encourages me to work.

I am determined to actually move somewhere with my writing this year. So I joined up with Write 1 Sub 1 this year. I will be finishing "Crimes of the Umbramancer" before I leave for Clarion this summer, but in the meantime I will be writing at the very least one poem per month. This month for the project I'll finish this short story, but while I'm working on the novel I'll do poetry. It is a good way to learn how to compress meaning into small works.

So listing them out in order goals for this year:

1. Get accepted to and attend Clarion West Writers Workshop.
     A. Finish "The Blood Malediction" by the 31st of January.
     B. Send story and application for scholarship to Clarion February 1st.
     C. Await letter of acceptance in the mail (This isn't so much a goal, as a projection of what I want to have happen.)
     D. Attend Clarion West starting June 23rd, 2013.

2. Write one short story or poem each month for 2013.
    A. Finish "The Blood Malediction" by the 31st of January.
    B. Write one poem per month while finishing the drafts of "Crimes of the Umbramancer."

3. Finish complete second draft of "Crimes of the Umbramancer" by June 22nd.

Concerning my writing those are the only goals I have at this time. I thought about attaching a wordcount goal to them, but it doesn't feel right. I need to base this year on finishing projects, not on wordcount. Perhaps when I get to work on NaNoWriMo next November, I'll focus on that again, but right now I need to be elsewhere. Particularly on the commitment I've made to you. Yeah, by writing these goals down like this and committing to them publicly I need to achieve them. Kinda like when I was doing NaNo and I had to finish because I had announced on live television that I would finish.

So wish me joy this year friends, because I'm going to places that I never thought I would have the opportunity or skills to go. Share in the comments what goals that you have for this year. Maybe we can support each other. ;) Peace, y'all.

War Post: May 16th Mashup and Goals

Another week another Mashup!  Good to see ya'll.  I hope that I'm able to deliver some good blogs and links for you all to be able to really enjoy.  This one will be a little long, because I'm focusing on not on blogs this week, but some good links to sites that can help you in your journey into the world of literature.  So without further ado I wish to introduce you to some of my favorite helps for writing more successfully!

Brandon Sanderson, Dan Wells, Howard Taylor, and Hugo Award Winning Mary Robinette Kowal host a program called "Writing Excuses" that you got to check out.  I learn a ton from their weekly program and have begun using their writing prompts in my writing group.

"I Should be Writing" by Muir Lafferty is a great podcast that gets real about writing.  Some of her material is videos, other things are just sound advice for how to become a better writer.  It would do you good to check her out.

This chart does a lot for my own self esteem, I figure it might help you out too.  It is called the "Photographic Height and Weight Chart."  It has helped me to better envision characters and get their proportions right in my head without having to look at hundreds of pictures online to get the same idea. It also has changed my ideas about weight and what is heavy and what is not.  Give it a look.

This blog is run by a group of authors too numerous to share here, but they have some of the best material on the web about how to write better fiction and keep yourself sane while doing so.  Check out "Magical Words", you won't be sorry you did.

For those of you who are aching to put yourself in ridiculous amounts of pain during the months of June or August, I have news for you!  Camp NaNoWriMo!  We get to do 50,000 words while working with folks in internet cabins.  I've never the camp before, but I think it will be a lot of fun.  I'm prepping myself for it now.  Oh for the record, I will not be writing something new.  Its a chance for me to get way ahead on Crimes and let my family know what kind of writing atmosphere I'll need come November.  Join me!

For those of you getting ready to submit Query Letters a great resource to look into is "Agent Query."  It is a website with all of the agents who are in the business all in one place.  You can start your research into a good agent starting here.  It will help you to get familiar with names and what a agent represents and allow you to find out what they really like to read too.

Do you like free music?  Do you like video game music?  Do you like remixes of free video game music?  Look no further then than "Overclocked Remix."  They are a great site that has given new life to a lot of the songs from my childhood of playing video games.  It is really neat to see what people do to the music to make it bearable to listen to outside of a game.

I'll end the favorite's this week with something that might appeal to some mathhead out there.  This was a site my cousin showed me years ago, which has helped me immensely with my math.  It is called "Wolfram Alpha."  It works much like a calculator, only you can put into it complicated problems that would take you a while to solve and it will show you all the steps of how it is done.  I don't honestly know how to get the best out of it, but I figure if you like math, you'll figure it out.  Enjoy!

And for our video of the week, I couldn't think of anything better than Lindsey Stirling's trip to Africa.

This girl makes me long to hear my cousin's wife play the violin.  
This week has really been about starting to make time for my writing.  Sometimes even when I shouldn't be writing.  I've sacrificed sleep to be able to write this week.  And it has finally gotten me closer to where I really want to be.  I'm a big believer in the idea of projecting what you really want.  You might have heard the idea on the movie The Secret.  It's not that much of a secret really, envision what you want, work with all your might towards that goal, and be receptive to the myriad of ways that your dream can come to life.  You'll notice that trend as we work through the goals today.
1. Finishing Chapter Two and starting Chapter Three of "Crimes of the Umbramancer by next week.     Chapter Two is done.  And I love what has happened in this chapter.  I think it gives a nice introduction to my second character and enables me to bring her to life in a way that keeps the tension of the story.  I'm really looking forward to what will happen in Chapter Three now.  I need to switch back to the point of view of Sora, but much of the action will be around another character.  Excitement builds!
2. Write seven four thousand words per week. (Between blog & fiction.)     I fell short of this goal by about three thousand words again.  Some of that is due to the anniversary, some of it is due to just not working hard enough, but most of it is due to the fact that the goal is unrealistic for me.  I think I can handle four thousand words.  Seven is just too much with all that I have on my plate.  (Keep in mind the four thousand is only my words for the blog and my fiction, I do other writing I don't count here.)
3. Exercise five times a week.     This is one of the most challenging goals.  I made it out to exercise three times and I got a gym membership and found friends to exercise with.  As I've been working at this blessings have been consistent.  I might not make the goal of five times a week yet, but things are certainly moving in a positive direction, that much is certain!
4. Finishing up my school work from my last semester in College.

     Still not done with this one.  I'm making it my goal to be done with this by the end of the round.  I think that will make my teacher happy, and also go towards making the atmosphere of achieving goals a lot more cheerful!

5. Spending time everyday with a spiritual source.
     I've been doing really well with praying everyday.  To be honest I usually find myself getting to Morning and Evening about once a week.  I spend a lot of time reading it then.  I would like to get a morning ritual of waking up and doing spiritual study then, but I'm trying to take things slow.

6. Finishing homework from Group Therapy.
     I'm all done with the first six weeks of my workbooks for group therapy!  I'm really proud of myself for actually getting it all done.  It's been pretty hard and I've learned a lot about myself.  I'm hoping that I'm able to keep up the great work as I progress into the next phase of my program.

A while ago my son asked me, "Why do you talk about writing your blog as if it is a chore?"  And it got me thinking that I must be putting off the wrong kind of energy about the things that I'm writing and working on.  I don't want to do that, so I've worked at making my goals more positive.  And thus far it is working, I feel better about writing and I want to do it more.  Just have to figure out the right balance between writing and the rest of life.

This is Jayrod Garrett, the First OG.  I'll be back on Friday with a post about a significant difference between the way that men and women think in my opinion.  Thanks for reading.  Much love to you all!  Peace.

War Post: May 9th Mashup & ROW80 Goals

This was made by a fan before the movie came out.

So it would appear that the Avengers was a hit.  I was in my seat on Friday Morning at 12:01 cheering with everyone else in my theatre when it began.  If you haven't seen the movie yet, you have to see it!  It is probably the best piece of cinematic storytelling that I have ever seen.  Sure there are things they got wrong, but in a movie this size, those are easy to ignore.

Now that I've plugged Avengers, we'll move on to the Mashup.  Most of them are writer related today, just to let you know.

David Powers King shows us how to set up a villian in: "Tuesday Tropes: Kick the Dog."

Heather Adkins, a formatting Guru shares tips on how to format ebooks in: "Ask a Formating Expert: Answers."

J.A. Bennett shares a few great high school dating stories in "Pancakes, Blue Suits, and U-hauls."

Lisa J. Jackson talks about how she deals with super typing in writers flow in: "Grammar-ease – When the words outpace the fingers."

Donna K. Weaver shares something she learned on how to make better characters in: "Storymaker Conference Report - POV."

Shah Wharton has a great contest going for Storytellers you can read more about here in: "The Storyteller Writing Challenge."

Nathan Bransford had a really great article that helped lift me up called: "How to Keep Writing When the S*** Hits the Fan ."

Jay Noel shares some awesome music for writing to as well as why a person might use music when writing in: "Music to Write To."

Karen Sandler points out how the unimportant has no place in fiction in: "Give Every Scene a Purpose."

S.E. Sinkhorn teaches us all how we can use Pinterest to help us with our writing in: "Pinterest Tips for Writing."

Ingrid Schaffenburg as always shares some great relationship advice that everyone should remember in: "Lookin' for Love."

Kristen Lamb shares more her ideas about how Writers can survive in the new world in: "The Age of the Artist–Time for a Revolution."

Piper Bayard spreads sunshine and happiness in her post titled: "Making TSA Underwear Bomber Gropes Exciting."

Lisa Taylor brings it home for us today with sharing about Science and Writing in: "ScienceBucks and Scientific Writing!"

Now listen to Classical Spy Music.  Enjoy!

This is a local music group that I absolutely love.  Check them out!


Sometimes I get down on myself about my goals and the fact that I'm not making the progress that I think I should.  But it occurs to me that I shouldn't get down on myself too much seeing as in the past seven months I have written more than I have in the seven years before.  Writing is becoming a lifestyle for me and I am thrilled so much that you wouldn't be able to believe it.  But without challenging yourself, growth ends.  So I keep pushing hard to have growth, and I just get frustrated at how many little things get in my way on that journey.  So if I ever sound critical or negative of myself, just realize that I know I'm growing, I'm just trying to spur greater growth.  Now for the goals!
1. Finishing Chapter Two and starting Chapter Three of "Crimes of the Umbramancer by next week.     Yeah, I'm half way through Chapter Two.  Which is wonderful.  I've struggled because I didn't know what was wrong with certain scenes, but I'm figuring that out and I think it will be as strong as my chapter one once I finish.   
2. Write seven thousand words per week. (Between blog & fiction.)     I think I finished about four thousand this past week.  Much of my time was put into building a stronger relationship with our foster son, who was at our home all weekend long rather than with his parents.  It was a blessing to spend time with him and frankly it was more important than getting through the writing.
3. Exercise five times a week.     I made it out about three out of four days this past week.  And I'm grateful for the progress I'm making there.  Getting out and moving my body feels really good and it has given me a great deal of time to work out prewriting ideas so that my story will move along much more smoothly.  And it is really quite peaceful (once your legs are prepared for the pain).
4. Finishing up my school work from my last semester in College.

     I'm not complaining this week.  I'm still struggling with this goal, but you'll know when its done.  I'll probably post my essay on Pride and Prejudice here when I'm done.

5. Spending time everyday with a spiritual source.
     Morning and Evening is still a great resource and I'm working hard at making more time for prayer too.

6. Finishing homework from Group Therapy.
     Last week I finished my Homework for Group Therapy, and this week I'm running behind because my wife has been sick and our foster has been home a lot.  But I'm hoping to get through the rest of this today.  Therapy is tonight and when you don't have the work done, it is harder to share in group.

I'm feeling really good about this past week.  Don't ask me why.  I didn't meet my goals as well as I would have liked, but I feel like I'm in a better place in the journey than I was a week ago.  And perhaps that is the most important thing.  Thanks for reading and here's the link if you would like check out my friends in ROW80.  I'm Jayrod Garrett, the First OG.  Peace People!

War Post: May 2nd Mashup & ROW Goals

Today should be a Insecure Writers Support Group post.  But I decided to make it just a Mashup and Goals like usual.  Why you might ask?  Because I wrote something separate for the IWSG.  I realized that it needed to be separate, and it was a blog post all of its own, so check it out if you are into that kind of thing.  Let's rock this Mashup and Goals peeps!

Scott Ashton made my week when I discovered his blog about Brandon Sanderson's creative writing class.  Check it out at: "Write about Dragons."

Ava Jae wrote about the challenge of Finishing in: "How to Finish Writing a Novel."

If you ever wanted to find out how many millionaires are paying in a lower tax bracket than you check out: "The Buffett Rule."

Larry Correia shares a little about how ridiculous our administration can be in: "Freaking ridiculous, child labor laws coming to family farms." (And if you want to read more go here.)

At Spirit of Ilithyia a story about the way birth is handled in this country, tune in at: "How Birth One Hundred Years Ago Impacts Birth Today."

Stephen Foster Jr. shares the thoughtfulness of a girls father and the sensitivity of a radio personality in: "Rape Away The Gay?"

Martha Wells brings us back the past, so we can recognize the future in: "Erasing Women."

Bjorn Lomberg has great news telling us we have enough food to end world hunger, but we still need more in: "How To Get Food on Every Table."

N.K. Jemisin talks about a topic I never knew came to pass in SSF (and I'm thrilled it did) in: "Why I Think RaceFail Was The Bestest Thing Evar for SFF."

And Timothy Sexton wrote an article on similar topic in: "How Martin Luther King Kept Lt. Uhura on the Bridge of the Starship Enterprise."

And for our laugh of the day I thought, let's watch Leonard Nimoy be lazy for a day. 

This week has been so much more productive than the last several.  I'm so thankful for smaller goals.  However as I was about to do a lot better, I had a friend in the National Guard take his own life.  It kinda ruined the end of the week for me.  Still here's a taste of what I accomplished in the last week.
1. Finishing Chapter Two and starting Chapter Threeof "Crimes of the Umbramancer by next week.     I wanted to finish up Chapter Two, but unfortunately after the news I've become both depressed and busy.  Hopefully I'll finish up this week, but we'll have to see what happens at this point.
2. Write seven thousand words per week. (Between blog & fiction.)     Well counting what I write on Twitter, Writing Group, my Scene, and getting a Blog Buffer, I have managed to get at least seven thousand in the last week.  Which I'm very grateful for.
3. Exercise five times a week.     The end of the week I didn't make running at all.  Though I have managed to get a fair amount of walking in on Friday and Saturday, but it just doesn't get me the work out I need.  Still working this goal.
4. Finishing up my school work from my last semester in College.

     Ever have a professor tell you how hard it is to get students to do work after the semester is over.  It is true, because you have the multiple pressures of being in class, having friends with you, and most importantly, a grade that is hanging over you at the end.  But remove that and you can find yourself floundering.  I wonder if this is to all help me be a great college advisor?  I've gone through pretty much every bad situation you can think of while I've been in school.  Oh, but you didn't come here to listen to me complain.

    Nothing got done this week (Thank God for a merciful teacher).  And Pride and Prejudice is still kicking my butt.  I'll get through it though.

5. Spending time everyday with a spiritual source.
     One of my cousin's gave me a little book called Morning and Evening Daily Readings by C.H. Spurgeon.  Now I received this back around the time of my wife's grandfather's funeral, but I haven't read from it much at this point.  But I picked it up thinking, it has some really good insights, and I haven't been disappointed yet.  I've been reading since Saturday and it has given a shot in the arm to my spiritual walk.

6. Finishing homework from Group Therapy.
     I have a friend who has a motto in her home of "No Secrets."  And I love this philosophy.  But I also know that to keep such a rule you also must know how to keep certain knowledge within certain circles.  It changes what you mean when you say that you trust somebody.  So I thought I would test my own ability in following this rule and admit that I'm going to Group Therapy.  It has been wonderful because they are helping me to get through some of the challenges of my childhood in an environment with other folks like me.

Well that's everything for Goals for ROW80.  If you are interested check out the sister post to this blog for the Insecure Writers Support Group.  I'm Jayrod Garrett, the First OG and here is the ROW80 bloghop.  Look it up, comment, or join us.  There aren't any cookies, but there is certainly a lot of love, growth, and thoughtfulness in our community.  Peace peeps!

War Post: April 25th Mashup & Goals

It is another Wednesday and I'm so happy to be back folks.  It is interesting how just little things can change in your life and just suck the life right out of you.  As I look back the depression had inched its way into me over several weeks, but I'm "leaning into the pain" (even though to be honest I don't want to sometimes) and learning some new lessons.  Once upon a time I had a motto that I can do hard things, and I think its time I picked that back up again.  One of the hard things I plan on doing is keeping more goals and making them smaller so that I can accomplish them more frequently.  But first today, we are going to have a proper Mashup, cause let's be honest.  We haven't had a good one in a few weeks.  Let's do this.

Esther Inglis-Arkell tells us the truth we should have known about summer in: "The Physics that Explain Why You Should Wear Black This Summer."

I love Ingrid, she always finds great advice for folks like in this post: "To Type or Not to Type?"

David Powers King offers some awesome tips for how to actually make it in the writers market in: "Aspiring Advice: Selling (Being) Yourself."

My friend Heidi Thornock asked a great question in her blog and I hope that some of you might be able to visit and answer her at: "Why do we care about Grammar?"

The Wordsmith mentions some pretty good suggestions as how to get yourself writing when you don't feel you can in: "3 Steps to a Focused Writing Environment."

Kristen Lamb points out something I hadn't realized about Villians in: "The Key Ingredient for Dramatic Tension – Understanding the Antagonist."

Todd Hollingshead brings us news of the real Batman's technology coming to life in: "BYU engineers create Batman-like device for Air Force competition."

In ROW80 we have a guest blogger each week, and this week Gene Lempp wrote: "Why I Love Being a Writer."

Larry Correia tells us some reasons we should buy his book in: "ADVERTISEMENT: Hard Magic mass market paperback out next week!"  (Trust me this is funny.)

Kirsten de Bouter wrote an awesome post everyone's inner war in: "Most Wars Are Fought In Our Own Minds."

Natalie Hartford shares an embarrassing story and promos a more embarrassing product in: "Road trip life saver."

K. L. Schwengel reminds us of the options we have when we have stepped up the the edge in: "On the Edge."

Team Oyenyi talks about the challenges of learning a new language in: "Two difficult English language sounds."

Asrai, the Maven of Mischief, proves why Twitter can be awesome in: "twitter conversations with Zoe Winters."

I stumbled across Bryan Schmidt on Asrai's blog and I just loved the post so I thought I'd share: "Write Tips: The Power Of Diligence."

Last, but not least– N.K. Jemisin, one of my literary heroines, defends the strength of women everywhere in: "There’s no such thing as a good stereotype."

Oh and if you happen to like some of the writing posts here, check out Inkpageant for all sorts of writerly blogs.  I usually post there, but I've been "lazy" lately.  And after you're done checking them out watch what happens when girls become gamers.

Again I had to go to the drawing board and consider if I am trying to do too much.  I had to come to the decision of whether or not I wanted to participate in NaNoWriMo with a new book this year (Oh I'm still doing it, I just won't have a new book to work on at that point).  I've been trying to rush because I thought I should be done in a year with my novel, but that really isn't the case.  I have so much on my plate that I honestly don't think I could finish my novel that fast.  I need to be realistic and consider having it done by next year for my Senior Project.  It kinda makes me sad to come to that realization, but it is a healthier decision than trying to rush things and fail at reaching my goals consistently.  So if I look like I'm slacking off, I am.  Better to slack off and accomplish more, than to rush and accomplish nothing.
1. Finishing Chapter Two of "Crimes of the Umbramancer by next week.     I am currently a scene into Chapter Two.  The rewrite of this story has been immensely difficult because I am already changing chapters entirely.  My old chapter two and the storyline it had was one of the problems I had before.  Had I finished with it, well I would be another year in doing reconstructive surgery.  I'm thankful I followed my instincts (at long last) and began this rewrite here.  The story will be better and done sooner than it would be otherwise.
     My Japanese culture research for this chapter has been supplemented with research on Hispanic families because the heroine of these chapters is Hispanic.  I'm not sure exactly which culture I want to follow closely, but I'm thinking at the moment I'll work with Mexico and see where I end from there.  I would like to be done with this chapter by the end of next week (honestly there is no reason why I shouldn't be.)  And if I'm lucky, before next Wednesday, I'll be into Chapter Three working on an even harder series of scenes.
2. Write seven thousand words per week. (Between blog & fiction.)     I'm making better progress with this.  With blogging I get about three thousand per week at least.  And if I make certain to finish a chapter a week I'll be closer to six to seven consistently.  And hopefully I can get my buffer up and ahead.  I'm working a day ahead as it is right now. :D
3. Exercise five times a week.     You don't Juice Fast when you are losing energy and have no desire to exercise afterwards.  So I stopped and began with running on Monday.  I went running again on Tuesday.  And later today I plan on running more.  My legs are in pain, but it is necessary pain and I kinda like it.  I'll share more next week.
4. Finishing up my school work from my last semester in College.

     I'm enjoying Pride and Prejudice and I hope to be done with it by next Wednesday.  I should get my short report done by tonight on Life, the Universe, and Everything.  And for my short story I'll be working on that in tandem with Chapter Two.  I'm optimistic about all of that.  Even though the storytelling always gets harder.

5. Spending time everyday with a spiritual source.
     I struggle with this one, but I'm going to work on it.  I find I do my best writing after having done some spiritual study.  But I've gotten lazy and I don't feel like I have a lot of time either.  So instead I think I'm going to focus on spending fifteen minutes on my own in some sort of spiritual study and another fifteen with my family doing some sort of spiritual study.  It will help me in both my writing and the role that I want to play with my family.

That's everything.  Smaller goals I can handle and won't stress myself out with.  There's enough going on with my writing group, work, and my group therapy sessions going on I don't need to try and force more into my life.  And I'm certain that by doing this I'll gain more confidence because when you keep goals you begin to trust yourself.  And ultimately ROW80 is all about us as writers developing self trust.  Oh visit the bloghop to see more people in the journey of self trust.  For trust is the coin by which confidence is purchased.  I'm Jayrod Garrett, the First OG and here's a my question for you:

 

How do you think you can develop more trust in yourself?

Early War Post: April 21st- "Lean into the Pain"

Last Sunday I posted my ROW goals for the week, because I wanted to accomplish a lot before my schedule got worse.  I thought that I would need to take up a fourth job to make ends meet for my family, because of our current financial situation.  However thinking about that along with other things going on in my life (lies that I've heard from some family members and the stress of being back from a deployment) took me into one of the worst depressive episodes I've ever had.  I felt the icy fingers of addiction reach into my chest and rip my heart out, and for a brief moment I was deliciously numb as I spent way too much time last week playing video games and isolating myself from my family, from myself, and from my writing.  It literally destroyed an entire week of progress for me in my fiction.

So as I am coming back from Never-Ever land to focus on what I think is most important I thought, I'd share with you a little bit about the issues a person can deal with in depression and why exactly it is real.

My first deployment overseas didn't have me doing what people think of soldiers typically doing.  I'm sure everyone has seen folks who go over and they are breaking down doors, taking down bad guys, and generally kicking butt and taking names.  For me I wasn't on that mission.  I wasn't on a mission to seek out and destroy the enemy.  Instead I served the enemy.  I worked as a guard at a Detainee Camp.  This means those folks the other guys found and brought in, we took care of until their trial dates.  We made sure they didn't hurt each other (which we failed at), we made sure they had food, and we tried to make them as comfortable as possible while we watched them day in and day out.  It might not sound so bad until you realize that if you are trained to seek out and destroy the enemy serving the enemy (who indeed would slit your throat in a heartbeat) does some messed up things to you psychologically.  Most people left this specific duty with terrible cases of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder or PTSD and it took us a long time to get over it.  I almost lost my marriage as a result of the issues I came home from that deployment with.  And I'm still feel broken even now.  Just I've had a little help to put most of the pieces back in the right place since that time.

When I was there I often indulged in my addiction to games and just zoned out because I had to deal with the pain somehow and there wasn't a lot of other options.  I don't smoke, and I don't drink, and I really didn't want to start up any other addictions so I just did a lot of writing and played my games frequently.

But when I got home was when the emotions came full force.  I went from being an Honors Student who loved being in class to sleeping through all my classes everyday.  I could go to work, because for some reason when I'm helping someone else I can forget all my pain for that brief moment (which explains why I always look for work where I serve others), but school just was too much.  There were days I could barely crawl out of bed because I was so sad.  I went to a therapist who said I was okay because I was still going to work.  They told my wife that I was being responsible because I took care of my obligations.  But I didn't, I didn't give her love, I couldn't care about myself, and worst of all I hated almost everyone I had gone overseas with.  And anyone who knows me knows hate is not a natural emotion to me.

It is the fact that I wasn't willing to deal with the emotions and either slept or played videogames that was sinking me.  I didn't have the coping skills to deal with such volume of painful emotions.  Depression is a disease.  It forces a person who is dealing with horrible things to deal with them in unhealthy ways.  I know some folks who eat when depressed, others who cut themselves, and some who sleep it all away.  When we don't know how to deal with the things the world has given us sometimes we crawl into a hole and hope everybody goes away because we don't know how to deal with their company and our pain.

I've met people in my life who have said that they don't believe in depression.  And there was a time in my life that I didn't understand it very well myself, and I wouldn't have been able to truly deal with my wife's depression very well.  But that was all before I had visited its depths myself.  I just want to say that it is a real illness.  And for some it goes beyond that because they are missing chemicals to balance their bodies properly.  For them it is more than a coping mechanism, it is a struggle to find real joy in life.  They have to fight against this disease to even find their emotions in the first place.  And I don't envy them in that fight, because I know from my own experiences that it is a very difficult fight to deal with.

The only reason I'm coming out of it at the moment is because I heard something in group therapy that really helped me this past week: "Lean into the pain."  By leaning into the pain it causes me to actually recognize that I'm in pain, it causes me to seek out some help from my family, and it causes me to look into the depths of the emotional hole that lies inside of me.  I can't say by any means that I'm whole yet, but I know that as I take more time "leaning into the pain" I'll be better able to deal with the things that life has put before me.

I no longer hate the people I was with back then, but I realize that that period of my life was probably the most pain I've ever been in.  And because I didn't learn earlier appropriate ways to deal with that volume of pain I chose addiction and depression over connection and family.  But I'm learning that now, and that's one of the reasons I do ROW80, because I want to replace my addictions with my writing and make it the lifeblood of my life.  It isn't an easy process, but it is entirely worth it.  Because one day I might not be broken anymore, but through all this I'll be whole.

I don't plan on posting goals with this.  I'll wait till Wednesday to do that.  I got a lot of work to get done though and I'm not going to be wasting any time.  Too much reading, writing, and living to do to allow the pain of my life to tear me apart.  But if you don't see me for a minute, know I'm off fighting for my life, my family, and my writing and that is the most important fight of my life.  As always, I'm Jayrod Garrett the First OG.

My question for you today is: What gets in the way of your goals?

Special ROW80 Message From the First OG

So this probably comes across as ridiculous seeing as I just posted for my goals yesterday.  But I made a commitment to begin doing this again, so it won't be a long post.  But it is going to project what I would like to have happen for each day of the week for what my goals between now and Wednesday.
15th April: Finish another twenty percent of Pride and Prejudice and finish several blog posts today (Monday's, Friday's and hopefully next Monday's also.)  It would account for at least three days writing by itself.
16th April: Rewrite Chapter Two of "Crimes of the Umbramancer" and another twenty percent of Pride and Prejudice.  And I hope to get my "summer job" tomorrow also.  That will make up for another three days of writing.
17th April: Do Wednesday's ROW80 Mashup another twenty percent of Pride and Prejudice and write a paper on why the Satire of Douglas Adams books is awesome.  And if there is time also begin the rewrite of "The Prophecy Engine."  (Lot of homework for that day.)
18th April: Review week and talk about whether or not I've reached these daily goals for the end of my ROW80 week.  (I end weeks for ROW80 on Wednesday not Sunday.  I'm weird sue me.)

That's everything for today.  My wife and I had a long talk yesterday about a lot of things, and it really got me thinking.  I need to focus more on realistic goals and this is my attempt at doing some.  The goals will get smaller, just I also have to cram a lot into this next week.  Tomorrow I'll have a post up on Teaching in America.  This is Jayrod Garrett, the First OG, hoping that you have a wonderful day.

Oh and I'm learning a lot about writing and plotting from Jane.
Ladies, I agree, she's brilliant.

War Post: 14th April's Mashup + Major Goal Revision

I have to apologize for the lateness of this post.  I wanted to get a little homework done this past week and but I've been on a Juice fast because of a movie I watched called "Fat, Sick, and Nearly Dead."  One of the things the folks who were on the fast talked about was the fact that they had so much more energy.  For me it has been exactly the opposite.  No energy to do anything outside of work has been terrible.  The only reason I've been able to finish as much as I have today is because I took a nap.  Naps are wonderful things that enable us to accomplish so much more with our time.  So I'm going to cover bunch of the links of the past week and then show you how my goals have changed recently.  Lets go!

Raylene opens us up today with some things to say when we are angry in: "What is your favorite non-swearing swear?"

Larry Correia's wife goes off like a rocket about the real choices of women in: "Guest post: Mrs.Correia on the War on Women."

Shila Iris shows us Adrinka symbols in: "Adinkra Symbols."

On ROW80 the linky is up!  Check it out at: "The Linky" or "A Round of Words in Eighty Days."

Todd Bessinger shares a few tips on how to build a great title in: " Whats in a Name: How to Develop Your Title."

Nathan Bransford shares some editing rules in: "Ten Commandments for Editing Someones Work."

Teri Harman goes hoarse in: " Blood to Ink: Your Voice May Hate You, But Your Writing Will Thank You."

Becky Wright of the Standard Examiner shows a local woman's passion for art in: "Ghetto Life Fuels Artist's Imagination."

Finding something funny this week was a challenge.

Clean funny video suggestions are welcome.

This past week has been super hard on my goals and I have had to do some serious reconstruction of them.  Because I've had my head in the clouds about what I can do realistically.  So I went back to the drawing board and made some hard decisions about what I want and what I can do.  

1. Finishing Draft Two of "Crimes of the Umbramancer" by the 30th of April.1. Finishing Chapter Two of "Crimes of the Umbramancer by next week.
Let's be honest.  I haven't really achieved any writing goals for a while.  I have no end of excuses.  We had a second teenager move into our house, we started a new diet, I started a new job, I'm tired, and on and on.  Really its a lot.  Then you consider that my progress ended as soon as I found out that I had a problem in the plot, its super sad.  I lost my momentum, but I still care about the story.  So I'm going to revise my entire method of working through the book.  If it takes me longer than another year to get through this, it is okay.  This book needs to be done right, not fast.

So I started doing research on both Japanese culture (thanks to Eden) and now because of one of our teenagers I'm learning about Hispanic culture also.  I want my brand of fantasy to be multicultural fantasy and I think if I invest the time into making a world that is a blend between what we already have and the fantastic it can be something not only that people can relate with.  That actually accounts for some of the most recent changes to the blog.  I want to focus here more on cultural and political ideas and allow my fiction to be where I play with the ideas I present here.  Hopefully I can accomplish that.
2. Write seven thousand words per week. (Between blog & fiction.)I need this because I haven't been writing nearly enough lately.  I'm going to need this for not only now, but once I begin in school again.  This will keep me honest about accomplishing writing.  I plan on returning to four blog posts a week, but one of those will be the Sunday Micropost in which I hope to just state progress in goals once again.  But this goal isn't just about writing 7000 words a week, but beginning a buffer for my blog.  I don't like being late, but I don't think it is crucial for all my Mashup pieces to be absolutely current.  Instead I want to introduce folks to wonderful blogs and wonderful topics that can help people become better writers or people.
3. Exercise five times a week & continuing the Juice Fast.This did not happen this week.  My wife and I started a Juice Fast, which has been awesome.  (After five days I've lost five pounds!)  But my energy levels to do things have been so low it is not even funny.  It is why I'm super late this week with my blogging.  There literally has not been enough energy to do much of anything.  It makes me a little sad, but I hope to make all that better in the next week.  And get back to exercising then too.
4. Finishing up my school work from my last semester in College.

     I got the query letter done that I needed to do, but I still have a lot of other work for this that I need to get done.  Saturday and Sunday are dedicated to getting through all of Pride and Prejudice.  I must do that.  Cause honestly that is the hardest thing ahead of me.  Everything else I can get done during Finals week.  My boss at work would tell me, use this week to get homework done, cause I've finished hiring for the Student Literary Journal I manage and I told everyone else to focus on their work.  I figure its only fair.

5. Get myself some stories ready to get published somewhere.
    I didn't get the story rewritten this past week, but it will happen this upcoming week.  I'm hoping that I can capture the elements that it was missing before.  And maybe it will be good enough to do something in the Writers of the Future contest.  Realistically I'm competing against so many better writers than me, so I doubt I'll make it.  But what I'm hoping for is that it sharpens my writing skills so that I can make progress toward my goal of publishing soon.

That's really all I have.  It has been a rough week for me exploring sites and getting new content due to my weariness.  Next Wednesday will be better.  (Mostly because of the Buffer.  I hope to have next Wednesday's post mostly ready by Monday.  I'll just be updating goals.)  Thanks for reading my blog and all.  I'm still Jayrod Garrett, the First OG.  Peace.

The Lucky Seven Meme & A request for help

I've not been writing too much about serious issues for the past few days, and just kinda relaxing a little bit.  After Wednesdays Mashup I plan on being back on track with some more serious issues, but I thought that I would take this opportunity to thank Breeana Puttroff for sharing with me this Lucky 7 Meme.  


Here are the rules to the Game:
1. Go to page 7 or 77 in your current manuscript.
2. Go to line 7.
3. Copy down the next seven lines (sentences??) as they are – no cheating.
4. Tag 7 other authors.


So I am grateful for the opportunity to share a few lines from my novel "Crimes of the Umbramancer" with you today.  (Incidentally I was really glad that a few weeks ago I rewrote this part so it is a little more clear.)  Started at line 7 on page 7:

*     *     *

     And his mother's scream was crystal clear at last: "Run Sora!"


     He ran down the hall and various men in black ran out of the kiften following after him with fireballs in their hands.  Throwing his bedroom door closed he ran over to his bed and hid in the corner.  Footsteps and hard breathing echoed in his ears as he prayed for deliverance.  And just as one of them was about to grab him he woke up.


     These were the nights that Sora hated.  Usually they were infrequent, but for the past week he'd had the same dream at the end of the first sleep.

*     *     *

Here's my seven victims who you should visit their sites.  (Pretty much this is the Word Mongering Crowd.)  For the record, none of you are expected to do this.  It is a just if you want thing. :D


1. Morgan Dragonwillow
2. Moni-Marie Vincent
3. Julie Jordan Scott
4. Eden Mabee
5. Annie Grey
6. Asrai, Mavin of Mischief
7. Julia Indigo

*     *     *

And that is it.  I thought it worth mentioning that at an event called, "Writing for Charity" I learned that discovery writers like myself is that we tend to do a lot of rewrites of the stories that we are working on.  Which is why I've always found myself revising so quickly.  So I'm planning on figuring out what doesn't feel right about what I've written most recently and I'm going to go ahead and continue my novel from where I left off.  It makes the most sense, and besides it cuts down on the massive amount I need to begin working through in the next month.  But I can't say this time that I've spent researching and trying to figure out what has been wrong has been for naught.  I've learned a lot about martial arts, a little about asian culture, and I thought that this would be a good opportunity to ask you my readers for some help.


One of the things about the story that I am preparing to tell is that it going to take place in an asian culture similar to either Japan, China, or Mongolia.  I would really love some recommendations for books that I can read to learn more about these cultures so that my writing can be more authentic.  


I find it a little strange that I'm starting a story in a culture foreign to my own, but I'm pretty certain there will be quite a few similarities that I'll be able to work with.  Or at least I hope so.



In the meantime, the end of the month is upcoming so take another look at our books of the month: Tankborn by Karen Sandler and Dhalgren by Samuel Delany.  Both of these are excellent books and I'm giving them away this month to a lucky follower of the blog.  Cause I know that not everyone can follow my blog there are two ways to get entries.  One is to actually follow the blog this will get your name put into my hat three times, and the other is to leave a comment on the blog.  For each comment I receive on my blog during the month of March I'll put your name into the hat once.  I enjoy doing this because it gets me reading different books, supporting authors I love, and it allows me an opportunity to give back to you, my audience.

Wednesday will be my Mashup like usual, and on Friday I hope to have a blog on guns in fiction and gun control itself. That's all from me for now; I'm Jayrod Garrett and I'm the First OG.  Any recommendations on good asian literature?

War Post: March 22nd's Mashup and ROW80 R1 End

I chose deliberately to be a day late, because I thought that the most appropriate posting day would be the end of Round One for A Round of Words in Eighty Days.  So here in no particular order is all the great links I have found in the past week.

Chuck Wendig reminds us that we must kill self doubt, while using vulgar humor to make us chuckle in: "Writers Must Kill Self Doubt before Self Doubt Kills Them."

Chris Hedges reminds us that America speaks in the language of violence in: "Chris Hedges speaks on Osama Bin Ladin's death."

Justin Rosario lets me know that if I had been raised in Wisconsin, I would have been abused by being raised by a single Mom in: "Wisconsin GOP to Battered Women: Don't Get Divorced."

Marc and Angel give great advice in both: "20 Things to Stop Doing to Others" & "30 Things to Stop Doing to Yourself."

Danyelle Leafty is trying to do something special for kids check it out at: "Kindles for Kids Short Story Contest."

Christine Slaughter reminds us government starts within ourselves in: "My Personal Bill of Rights."

Carl Duzett opens our eyes to what Inception is really about in: "Inception is About Storytelling."

Kirk Cunningham of Jollyfish Press gives us valuable tips in: "The 7 Laws of Successful Social Networking."

MaryAnn Pope made the list because she talked about Prince Zuko.  Enough said.  Check it out at: "Antagonists: Depths and Motives."

J.A. Bennett reminds us in the crazy blogging we do of the impact of reading upon our writing in: "The Impact of Reading."

Erin Shakespear recaps a writing conference in Utah where our authors came and showed us how to write better fiction this past weekend in: "Writing for Charity Highlights."

Morgan tells what you can do with those funny looking trash talking trolls that might frequent your page in: "Trolls in the Writing World ... They're There."

Asrai Devin, the Mavin of Mischief shares about her acts of self forgiveness: "Acts of Self Forgiveness."

Alice Dreger informs us about the reality of giving birth in our modern era in: "The most scientific birth is often the least technological birth."

Phil Plait makes a great argument for why Science is so important in: "This is why we invest in Science. This."




After all the serious topics above I thought, "Lets have a good belly laugh."

Kait's Future Beach House

For this First Round of ROW80 I've had great success.  I joined up with ROW80, because I wanted to blog regularly.  Guess what, I blog three times a week because of them now.  I also joined because I wanted to find other people who write like me.  And I got that too!  On their Facebook page I am thrilled to be a part of it because I've met so many wonderful people.  Last of all I joined because I wanted to finish my draft of "Crimes of the Umbramancer."  I didn't get nearly as far with this goal as I would have liked.  I played Skyward Sword, I had weeks of no writing but for blogging, and I've read several wonderful books.  But guess what?  I'm writing more now than I ever have at any time before in my life.  And I'm becoming comfortable with my own voice in writing because blogs forces you to write raw.  ROW80 has been one of the best things for my writing that I could have ever dreamed of.  Kait Nolan, the creator of ROW80, should be given a beach house in the bahamas for such a great idea.

Here are the ending goals of Round One.

1. Finishing Draft Two of "Crimes of the Umbramancer" by the 30th of April.

     I've started the rewrite here and it is going slowly.  But in this rewrite I'm learning concepts that I missed when I wrote the first time.  It is slow going, because I've picked up on a lot of reading.  I've read three books in the past month and before the month is over I want to be done with book four.  But April is crunch time for "Crimes" and I will be doing little reading that month.  Just working out the rewrites I need to do and finishing the draft.  (Yes next month will be a NaNo-like month.)

2. Comment on ten blogs in ROW80:

     This was an epic fail.  I visited the blogs of folks in ROW80, but I don't think I commented on a single ROW80 post.  This is totally unlike me.  As a Sponsor I'll do much better than this, because I know how much a single comment often meant to me when I was starting this.  Often Gene Lempp kept me going when I might have stopped early on.  I owe him a great deal.  Thanks Gene.

3. Walking at least a mile five three times a week.

     ACHIEVED!  By gearing it back I've actually done better than three times a week.  I actually hit four I do believe and it has been awesome.  Glad to be doing this.  Next round I'll be in the middle of a Juice Fast to reboot my body... yeah that's going to be fun.  But totally worth it!

4. Going back to my writing ritual.
   This one is still a struggle for me.  I need to find a time of day that works best for this, and hopefully I'll find it soon.  But I tend to always do scripture study before doing any work on "Crimes."  And that usually makes me quite happy.

I finished this round with so many awesome things happening to me.  I've been to two writing conventions, joined several writing communities, started my own writing group, networked with several professionals, written over 70,000 words, read several books, and improved my relationship with my wife.  She's my Muse and one of the best sources of my ideas.  I don't recognize her enough for her support of my writing and the ideas she gives me.  I am overjoyed with how many good things have happened this round.

I'm still giving away our books of the month: Tankborn by Karen Sandler and Dhalgren by Samuel Delany.  Both of these are excellent books and I'm giving them away this month to a lucky follower of the blog.  Cause I know that not everyone can follow my blog there are two ways to get entries.  One is to actually follow the blog this will get your name put into my hat three times, and the other is to leave a comment on the blog.  For each comment I receive on my blog during the month of March I'll put your name into the hat once.  I enjoy doing this because it gets me reading different books, supporting authors I love, and it allows me an opportunity to give back to you, my audience.

As I've come to the end of this Round of Words, I'm not sure what I want to write about next time.  I'll just have to think about it.  Until then, I'm Jayrod Garrett, the First OG.  PEACE... Oh wait question time: What topic would you like to hear from me on next?