IWSG: Self Trust and Voice

Last week I wrote about self trust at the end of a post and I thought I would elaborate on my own issues with self trust here for the support group.  I think that most folks who have met me in person would agree that I exude confidence.  I'm kind, charismatic, and gentle which I guess in a soldier is a good combination.  However, I'm actually insecure about something that most wouldn't guess, and that is my voice in writing.

Obviously, I don't have an issue with speaking my mind.  I'm willingly opening myself up to people criticizing my thoughts concerning abortion, politics, and black culture.  I welcome that.  It doesn't bother me if you don't agree with me.  What worries me is that I come across saying what I really want to say.  That isn't an issue of simply word choice, but the tone and voice of my writing.

Blogging for me is an exercise in learning to self validate.  Often my writing when I blog is quite raw.  It hasn't gone through multiple different people.  It has seen my wife and sometimes our adopted son.  But it hasn't gone to them for proofreading or to help me fix problems.  Instead it has been about validating my writing for me.  And that's not fair to them.  I need to be able to self validate and trust that what I put down is good enough.  But I bet there is someone else out there like me who suffers from the same fear of not being good enough.

So here is my advice to those of you who share my fear.  Write inside your own comfort zone.  My comfort zone is a unique one, I feel most comfortable talking about issues that are particularly controversial in society.  I realize that I have good things to say about them.  And that because of my own experiences that I have an education there that other lack.  So I focus on those things because for me, I am most comfortable there.  And it gives me an opportunity to exercise my voice and learn about how I write and how I express myself.  Both of which are crucial for any young writer to learn about.

But once you have found your comfort zone, push the envelope of your abilities.  You do not learn to walk without failure, and you will not learn how to write without failure.  As I grow in my abilities and my education I hope to work towards making this more culturally friendly as a blog.  I want to be able to speak about issues that the LBGT community, Asians, and the Native Americans face.  I might have someone comment and tell me that everything I'm writing is garbage, and inform me as to what the real deal is on a subject.  And guess what, that's okay!  Because I'm comfortable with failure in my journey.  Because I don't learn the most from my successes, but rather from my failures.

Soon I'll have a new comfort zone and I'll have to reach further to search out excellence.  I want to the same thing in literature.  I recently read a post from Nora Jemisin on RaceFail, and I realized that I'm coming into writing at a good time.  When I was younger I wanted to just write a story about an African American Hero in Science Fiction & Fantasy, but now my views have expanded to want to see Heroes and Heroines of color throughout SFF.  I think I'm a decent writer, but while I am bringing my skills up to the level that someone will choose to publish my work, I'm going to focus on other cultures and religions and bring them to light.  But again I cannot do any of this if I lack confidence in my voice.

So I leave you my fellow writers with a challenge.  Start writing within your comfort zone.  And as soon as you think you have a grasp on your voice, start pushing the envelope.  Don't sit back and think you are good as is.  Develop the healthy mindset that you are always seeking out the next peak of performance.  Writing is a journey that has potential to never end.  Look at Frank and Brian Herbert, their journey in writing has already spanned two generations.  There is no limit to what we can do as writers if we will work towards touching the stars.

If you are struggling with your voice, that's okay.  But it isn't okay to give up.  Sit down in your chair and write.  Something, anything.  One word or a thousand.  Because for each word you put down you forge the voice within you.  And after you have forged the edge of your own voice, you'll find the battle towards becoming a paid author one that you can tackle with the grace of a ballerina.

That's all I got for today.  Stay tuned for the end of the week when I tackle my first interview.  I'm Jayrod Garrett, and I'm the First OG.  And naturally I have a question for you:

What do you want to do with your voice?

War Post: May 2nd Mashup & ROW Goals

Today should be a Insecure Writers Support Group post.  But I decided to make it just a Mashup and Goals like usual.  Why you might ask?  Because I wrote something separate for the IWSG.  I realized that it needed to be separate, and it was a blog post all of its own, so check it out if you are into that kind of thing.  Let's rock this Mashup and Goals peeps!

Scott Ashton made my week when I discovered his blog about Brandon Sanderson's creative writing class.  Check it out at: "Write about Dragons."

Ava Jae wrote about the challenge of Finishing in: "How to Finish Writing a Novel."

If you ever wanted to find out how many millionaires are paying in a lower tax bracket than you check out: "The Buffett Rule."

Larry Correia shares a little about how ridiculous our administration can be in: "Freaking ridiculous, child labor laws coming to family farms." (And if you want to read more go here.)

At Spirit of Ilithyia a story about the way birth is handled in this country, tune in at: "How Birth One Hundred Years Ago Impacts Birth Today."

Stephen Foster Jr. shares the thoughtfulness of a girls father and the sensitivity of a radio personality in: "Rape Away The Gay?"

Martha Wells brings us back the past, so we can recognize the future in: "Erasing Women."

Bjorn Lomberg has great news telling us we have enough food to end world hunger, but we still need more in: "How To Get Food on Every Table."

N.K. Jemisin talks about a topic I never knew came to pass in SSF (and I'm thrilled it did) in: "Why I Think RaceFail Was The Bestest Thing Evar for SFF."

And Timothy Sexton wrote an article on similar topic in: "How Martin Luther King Kept Lt. Uhura on the Bridge of the Starship Enterprise."

And for our laugh of the day I thought, let's watch Leonard Nimoy be lazy for a day. 

This week has been so much more productive than the last several.  I'm so thankful for smaller goals.  However as I was about to do a lot better, I had a friend in the National Guard take his own life.  It kinda ruined the end of the week for me.  Still here's a taste of what I accomplished in the last week.
1. Finishing Chapter Two and starting Chapter Threeof "Crimes of the Umbramancer by next week.     I wanted to finish up Chapter Two, but unfortunately after the news I've become both depressed and busy.  Hopefully I'll finish up this week, but we'll have to see what happens at this point.
2. Write seven thousand words per week. (Between blog & fiction.)     Well counting what I write on Twitter, Writing Group, my Scene, and getting a Blog Buffer, I have managed to get at least seven thousand in the last week.  Which I'm very grateful for.
3. Exercise five times a week.     The end of the week I didn't make running at all.  Though I have managed to get a fair amount of walking in on Friday and Saturday, but it just doesn't get me the work out I need.  Still working this goal.
4. Finishing up my school work from my last semester in College.

     Ever have a professor tell you how hard it is to get students to do work after the semester is over.  It is true, because you have the multiple pressures of being in class, having friends with you, and most importantly, a grade that is hanging over you at the end.  But remove that and you can find yourself floundering.  I wonder if this is to all help me be a great college advisor?  I've gone through pretty much every bad situation you can think of while I've been in school.  Oh, but you didn't come here to listen to me complain.

    Nothing got done this week (Thank God for a merciful teacher).  And Pride and Prejudice is still kicking my butt.  I'll get through it though.

5. Spending time everyday with a spiritual source.
     One of my cousin's gave me a little book called Morning and Evening Daily Readings by C.H. Spurgeon.  Now I received this back around the time of my wife's grandfather's funeral, but I haven't read from it much at this point.  But I picked it up thinking, it has some really good insights, and I haven't been disappointed yet.  I've been reading since Saturday and it has given a shot in the arm to my spiritual walk.

6. Finishing homework from Group Therapy.
     I have a friend who has a motto in her home of "No Secrets."  And I love this philosophy.  But I also know that to keep such a rule you also must know how to keep certain knowledge within certain circles.  It changes what you mean when you say that you trust somebody.  So I thought I would test my own ability in following this rule and admit that I'm going to Group Therapy.  It has been wonderful because they are helping me to get through some of the challenges of my childhood in an environment with other folks like me.

Well that's everything for Goals for ROW80.  If you are interested check out the sister post to this blog for the Insecure Writers Support Group.  I'm Jayrod Garrett, the First OG and here is the ROW80 bloghop.  Look it up, comment, or join us.  There aren't any cookies, but there is certainly a lot of love, growth, and thoughtfulness in our community.  Peace peeps!

Black, White, and Rainbow

Yet it often is.  From the time I was a child, I was taught to think in terms of black and white.  To steal was a sin, to lie was a sin, and to kill was a sin.  Yet as an adult I learned:

• That stealing was okay as long as it was ideas (All collegiate essays require you to cite your source material).
• That lying was okay to preserve peoples feelings (Does this dress make me look fat?  Answer yes, and watch what happens).
• And killing was fine when the government mandated it (How many have died due to the death penalty or war?).

Perhaps we teach children in black and white, because its easier, but unfortunately too many of those black and white ideas follow us into adulthood.  And we begin basing the world around the black and white fallacy.

Take a step back and think about this as if you were a child: Jimmy takes Timmy's lunch money.  Some of us might teach our children Jimmy is bad because he takes Timmy's lunch money.  As a child this is as far as we will take the logic.  Truth is that Jimmy takes Timmy's lunch money because his Dad spends all their money gambling.  And when Dad spends the money Jimmy's Mom gets drunk and hits him.  So he's only doing what he's being taught at home.  So where is Jimmy spending the money?  To buy something for dinner before he gets home, because if he comes home with money, it will be taken.  Both Jimmy and Timmy in this case are being taught to think in terms of black and white.  Timmy is learning stealing is wrong and that it isn't right for the strong to pick on the weak.  Jimmy has been trained that life is about strength, and the strong take what they can to survive. 

This kind of thinking is called black or white fallacy or a false dichotomy.  Where two alternative states are presented as the only possibilities, when in fact more possibilities exist.  And lots of people suffer from it from those who suffer from Borderline Personality to a person dealing with Depression.  In politics you can watch this kind of thinking taking place on a national scale and Americans rush to take sides.  It even invade our speech when we think about ethnicity. White is associated with being cultured and educated.  When a hispanic or a black man are either they are called white.  Violence, drugs, and gangs are all associated with young hispanic or black men.  Its a little frightening when you really think about it.

The commonly accepted view seems to tilt towards white, grey, and black thinking.  Because most situations are not black or white and rather are someplace in between.  Like the question of whether we should raise taxes for millionaires.  Some folks feel that when someone earns their keep they should be able to use it as they wish.  Others feel that if they have excess they should give it away to those who have less.  This question isn't that simple though, because there are millionaires who give to charity yearly for the purposes of the tax breaks.  So they are already supporting those with less.  Should they be required to give even more?  Bill Gates says yes.  Others say no.  This isn't a yes or no question, but rather one that doesn't lend itself to any easy answers.  But too often we want easy answers.

And even among those who think in terms of white, grey, and black it tends to be difficult.  A pregnant teen faces how people really think too often.  She just wanted to prove to her boyfriend she loved him.  Does that make her bad?  And if she isn't bad, why does her father call her a slut and refuse to help her?  Why does the boy tell her she meant nothing to him and he won't support the child?  Why do the same people who fight against her aborting the child also fight the agencies that want to help her keep the child?  And if she chooses to keep the child why won't anyone employ her?  Some Christians will tell her that her child will be born in sin without a father.  Other people will tell her she's a bad Mom, because she's not doing enough to find a way to support her child.  And all this while she has no emotional support, no financial support, or friends to help her out.  She has been painted black and it was all from a few hours of fun.  But is that the truth?  Is that right?  And in all this have any of these people actually thought about the child in her womb?  Of course you have, you thought: Hey put the child up for adoption!  Which would be a viable option out of a lot of the troubles she's facing, but at this point she might not have the support to even make that choice.  And that's a scary part of the society we live in. 

Perhaps what is most troubling when we carry this white, black , and grey thinking into religion.  There are Christians out there who think that the only way to God is through Christianity.  Muslims that believe the only law is Sharia Law.  And Jews who believe both are terribly misguided.  But where does that leave the Taoist, the Buddhist, and the Atheist?  Are they wicked because they believe differently?  I think these are questions that the grey area doesn't adequately cover.  We should have a means of being able to recognize each other for who we are, separate the choices a person has made from that, and work to make the lives for all human life better.  And I think that particular thought process is best compared to a prism.

The white light that is reality comes into the prism.  And for some of us what we perceive as one color of the spectrum another person will see differently, however we are able to keep in mind that it all comes from the same ultimate source.  Some folks may say that source is God.  Others science.  I call it life.  And with life I can paint a picture of stunning beauty or terrible cruelty.

I had a teacher who was fond of saying, "There is only one race: The Human Race."  I agree with him.  We don't live in a black and white world.  And what is grey to you might be black to another person.  But when we see each other as critical parts of a whole, the black and white thinking perishes and we begin thinking of our families, our communities, and our world in different ways.  I love every color of the spectrum, and there is a need for each of us.  The Jimmys and Timmys and unwed teens alike.  We are all going to make mistakes according to the culture we live in and the rules it binds us by, but we do not have to see the world in black, white, and grey.  It is full of color, both in morality and ethnicity.

Whew!  That was a challenging one.  Thanks for hanging with me to the end.  On Wednesday I'll tackle both goals and the IWSG.  I'm Jayrod Garrett, the First OG and I just want to know:

Which do you prefer?  Black, White, and Grey or The Color Spectrum?

Faces of Manipulation: Abuse the Generational Destroyer

We hear a lot about abuse in our society today.  There is both outrage that we allow it to go on in our society, and that people would allow these things to happen to them.  I find this curious though because too few people have even an idea of how abuse starts.  So today lets reveal some of the patterns of Generational Abuse, and I see no better place to start than in the current Presidential Election between Mitt Romney and Barack Obama.

I think both of these men are good people.  I think they both have the best interests of America at hand. But I find it interesting that when you hear their campaigns, they both have to wreck the reputation of the other because "that's how the game is played."  I've seen so many things about Mitt Romney being a flip-flopper and how he cannot stay consistent on any political subject there is for long.  I've also seen a lot of propaganda about how Obama has destroyed the economy of the United States.  And you hear about the negative so often that if there is any good, it is overshadowed by negative and hence you cause people to become disillusioned to the good of voting, the entire race for President becomes a popularity contest, and men who should be friends and colleagues working towards the best future for America, become bitter rivals who leave trails of discontent and shame in their wake.

But it doesn't stop there.  Then we the people step in and add our own two cents to everything.  From folks looking for ways to make Obama a Muslim and why Romney isn't a Christian.  Because they are threats to what we as people most value.  And in my opinion, what we value most my friends is power.

Anyone entrusted with power will abuse it if not also animated

with the love of truth and virtue, no matter whether he be a prince,

or one of the people. - Jean de La Fontaine, French Poet

When it comes to abuse of any kind it is all about power.  Think about it.  When a person gets so frustrated at their baby that they shake them violently it is a power struggle.  A newborn can make an adult feel helpless because they are so dependent on the adult for everything.  And in the cultures where folks say it is wrong to leave your newborn with someone else so you get a break it gets particularly difficult.  And when that child has cried for hours upon end and it isn't because they are sleepy, hungry, wet, cold, too warm or anything else you can do something about it is enough to break a person.  So when a parent shakes their child, how empowered must they feel when that silences their child?  The pattern repeats because they have found a way to quiet the child, and empower themselves.  Similar empowerment could have been achieved with finding a good friend to watch the child, but some of us just don't have friends who are that good.

But this doesn't just happen to children.  It happens in domestic partnerships (whether couples live together or get married) frequently also.  For example with a man who beats his wife, he usually is angry about something.  Usually it has to do with him, but he takes it out on her because it is easier.  So as he gets angrier about his own mistakes his tension builds.  Finally he gets so angry that he hits her.  He beats her until he's released all the tension that's within.  When she tries to get away it makes him angry because without her he can't release that tension.  Later he'll tell her how sorry he is for doing it and he'll even give her a gift of some sort to try and make it up to her and then things will be alright for a little while.  Until he gets overwhelmingly angry again.  Usually we think the man in this situation is a terrible person and we blame him for everything, but lets be honest.  He's a victim caught in a cycle which is a lot larger than he is.  This pattern of abuse has been in his family for generations already.  According to this source one fourth of domestic abuse goes unreported.  And before OJ Simpson how much went unreported?  And reporting it to the police doesn't even mean they can do anything in a lot of cases.  Because if the judge throws it out or the abuser is released from jail the next day, doesn't that just mean they are walking back into that home more angry?  And more angry means the beating lasts longer and is more severe.  Or that he needs to find other outlets for this anger, such as his children.

And in all of this most men who are perpetrating this crime are victims of such abuse themselves.  The kids like Harry Potter who turn out superbly well adjusted despite their abuse are remarkably rare.  I wish I were one of them myself.  But I'm not.  But I don't hold that against the person who hurt me.  They are a victim in this cycle just the same as I am.  The difference between us is I no longer choose to be a victim.  I reject that label and the cycle that comes with it.  Like Harry Potter, I am a cycle breaker.  

I didn't even know I was perpetuating the cycle, until recently.  Even when you aren't trying to be abusive by hitting someone, or calling them names, the tones you use and the words you choose can send messages loud and clear that will be interpreted as "hurtful and cruel."  And when I realized it I felt like I was less than the ants that people stepped on.  For me this is another effect of my own abuse, because the voices of my childhood still affect me daily.

Cycle breaking is hard.  It requires a different strength than it required for you to deal with the abuse.  Because you have change everything you learned before.  Never say a woman or a child isn't strong because of the abuse they've dealt with, actually they are very strong.  But that strength has to be developed in different ways to silence the voices of their abusers in their head.  I'm in group therapy right now to share my story in an environment I can trust and build that new strength.  And God-willing I'll be able help others one day.  Because the power I care about is Love, Truth, and Virtue.

This is not my mission alone however.  Everyone of us can do something to break the cycles of abuse.  It starts with learning about abuse.  Why abusers do what they do, why the victims feel the way they feel, and how to get each the help they need to break their cycles.  Because we all need help to break our vicious cycles and begin new virtuous cycles.  And though it is hard, it is worth it to no longer carry the chains of generational abuse anymore.

Thanks for reading today.  On Monday I hope to address the various ways people in the world think.  And have a few more blogs in the buffer so that this will be much more efficient.  Until then I'm Jayrod Garrett, the First OG with a question for you:

Antwone Fisher

Joyce Meyer

Carlos Santana

Are you a cycle breaker?

War Post: April 25th Mashup & Goals

It is another Wednesday and I'm so happy to be back folks.  It is interesting how just little things can change in your life and just suck the life right out of you.  As I look back the depression had inched its way into me over several weeks, but I'm "leaning into the pain" (even though to be honest I don't want to sometimes) and learning some new lessons.  Once upon a time I had a motto that I can do hard things, and I think its time I picked that back up again.  One of the hard things I plan on doing is keeping more goals and making them smaller so that I can accomplish them more frequently.  But first today, we are going to have a proper Mashup, cause let's be honest.  We haven't had a good one in a few weeks.  Let's do this.

Esther Inglis-Arkell tells us the truth we should have known about summer in: "The Physics that Explain Why You Should Wear Black This Summer."

I love Ingrid, she always finds great advice for folks like in this post: "To Type or Not to Type?"

David Powers King offers some awesome tips for how to actually make it in the writers market in: "Aspiring Advice: Selling (Being) Yourself."

My friend Heidi Thornock asked a great question in her blog and I hope that some of you might be able to visit and answer her at: "Why do we care about Grammar?"

The Wordsmith mentions some pretty good suggestions as how to get yourself writing when you don't feel you can in: "3 Steps to a Focused Writing Environment."

Kristen Lamb points out something I hadn't realized about Villians in: "The Key Ingredient for Dramatic Tension – Understanding the Antagonist."

Todd Hollingshead brings us news of the real Batman's technology coming to life in: "BYU engineers create Batman-like device for Air Force competition."

In ROW80 we have a guest blogger each week, and this week Gene Lempp wrote: "Why I Love Being a Writer."

Larry Correia tells us some reasons we should buy his book in: "ADVERTISEMENT: Hard Magic mass market paperback out next week!"  (Trust me this is funny.)

Kirsten de Bouter wrote an awesome post everyone's inner war in: "Most Wars Are Fought In Our Own Minds."

Natalie Hartford shares an embarrassing story and promos a more embarrassing product in: "Road trip life saver."

K. L. Schwengel reminds us of the options we have when we have stepped up the the edge in: "On the Edge."

Team Oyenyi talks about the challenges of learning a new language in: "Two difficult English language sounds."

Asrai, the Maven of Mischief, proves why Twitter can be awesome in: "twitter conversations with Zoe Winters."

I stumbled across Bryan Schmidt on Asrai's blog and I just loved the post so I thought I'd share: "Write Tips: The Power Of Diligence."

Last, but not least– N.K. Jemisin, one of my literary heroines, defends the strength of women everywhere in: "There’s no such thing as a good stereotype."

Oh and if you happen to like some of the writing posts here, check out Inkpageant for all sorts of writerly blogs.  I usually post there, but I've been "lazy" lately.  And after you're done checking them out watch what happens when girls become gamers.

Again I had to go to the drawing board and consider if I am trying to do too much.  I had to come to the decision of whether or not I wanted to participate in NaNoWriMo with a new book this year (Oh I'm still doing it, I just won't have a new book to work on at that point).  I've been trying to rush because I thought I should be done in a year with my novel, but that really isn't the case.  I have so much on my plate that I honestly don't think I could finish my novel that fast.  I need to be realistic and consider having it done by next year for my Senior Project.  It kinda makes me sad to come to that realization, but it is a healthier decision than trying to rush things and fail at reaching my goals consistently.  So if I look like I'm slacking off, I am.  Better to slack off and accomplish more, than to rush and accomplish nothing.
1. Finishing Chapter Two of "Crimes of the Umbramancer by next week.     I am currently a scene into Chapter Two.  The rewrite of this story has been immensely difficult because I am already changing chapters entirely.  My old chapter two and the storyline it had was one of the problems I had before.  Had I finished with it, well I would be another year in doing reconstructive surgery.  I'm thankful I followed my instincts (at long last) and began this rewrite here.  The story will be better and done sooner than it would be otherwise.
     My Japanese culture research for this chapter has been supplemented with research on Hispanic families because the heroine of these chapters is Hispanic.  I'm not sure exactly which culture I want to follow closely, but I'm thinking at the moment I'll work with Mexico and see where I end from there.  I would like to be done with this chapter by the end of next week (honestly there is no reason why I shouldn't be.)  And if I'm lucky, before next Wednesday, I'll be into Chapter Three working on an even harder series of scenes.
2. Write seven thousand words per week. (Between blog & fiction.)     I'm making better progress with this.  With blogging I get about three thousand per week at least.  And if I make certain to finish a chapter a week I'll be closer to six to seven consistently.  And hopefully I can get my buffer up and ahead.  I'm working a day ahead as it is right now. :D
3. Exercise five times a week.     You don't Juice Fast when you are losing energy and have no desire to exercise afterwards.  So I stopped and began with running on Monday.  I went running again on Tuesday.  And later today I plan on running more.  My legs are in pain, but it is necessary pain and I kinda like it.  I'll share more next week.
4. Finishing up my school work from my last semester in College.

     I'm enjoying Pride and Prejudice and I hope to be done with it by next Wednesday.  I should get my short report done by tonight on Life, the Universe, and Everything.  And for my short story I'll be working on that in tandem with Chapter Two.  I'm optimistic about all of that.  Even though the storytelling always gets harder.

5. Spending time everyday with a spiritual source.
     I struggle with this one, but I'm going to work on it.  I find I do my best writing after having done some spiritual study.  But I've gotten lazy and I don't feel like I have a lot of time either.  So instead I think I'm going to focus on spending fifteen minutes on my own in some sort of spiritual study and another fifteen with my family doing some sort of spiritual study.  It will help me in both my writing and the role that I want to play with my family.

That's everything.  Smaller goals I can handle and won't stress myself out with.  There's enough going on with my writing group, work, and my group therapy sessions going on I don't need to try and force more into my life.  And I'm certain that by doing this I'll gain more confidence because when you keep goals you begin to trust yourself.  And ultimately ROW80 is all about us as writers developing self trust.  Oh visit the bloghop to see more people in the journey of self trust.  For trust is the coin by which confidence is purchased.  I'm Jayrod Garrett, the First OG and here's a my question for you:

 

How do you think you can develop more trust in yourself?