The Celebration of the Death of DOMA

Taken from George Takei's Facebook Page

The caption to the left is similar to how I looked when I turned on my computer yesterday morning to see some of the best news I have seen in years. The Defense of Marriage Act or DOMA had been put down by the Supreme Court of the United States as unconstitutional. For those of you who are unfamiliar with DOMA, as I once was, it is a law that was signed by President Clinton. Simply it mandated that if a same sex couple got a civil marriage or a civil union that other states did not need to recognize that. Such as a same sex couple that got married in Massachusetts moved to New York the state of New York would not have to recognize that relationship as legal. Not only did DOMA make it difficult for same sex couples to be able to move where they pleased, it made it difficult for them to travel and retain their rights. Such as if a same sex couple would be on vacation in Florida and they were in a car accident the family of the injured party would have rights to visitation of the injured, but the spouse may not have rights of visitation and could even be asked by the family and the hospital to leave. These are the kinds of situations that make the end of DOMA worth celebrating.

However not everyone in the Union will see this as a matter worth celebration. Many people in California donated thousands of dollars to make certain that Proposition Eight passed. And when it did lawmakers were faced with a group of people who proposed that it may be unconstitutional. This is what made DOMA and Proposition Eight so controversial: the fact that people said they wanted X and the Bill of Rights said people should get Y. This is what the Supreme Court among others has been trying to sort out for years since all this began back in 2008. Now that it has been declared unconstitutional there are groups of people who are upset because the Supreme Court did not vote in favor of the people. Instead they elected to give the Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender community their rights. This is why I celebrate.

However I need to make a confession to you. I am a Mormon. Mormons did much of the funding for Proposition Eight in California. I do not agree with their choice despite some of my beliefs being the same as theirs. I believe that religious marriage is meant to be between a man and a woman. The purpose of that marriage is to have a relationship that lasts longer than our lifetime here on earth and into the eternities before God. None of the doctrine I have read has ever led me to believe that God offers that same opportunity for those of the LGBT community. That is the primary reason why I am against religious marriage for the LGBT community. However civil marriage which is the legal form of the union which is recognized by the state and federal government I believe is crucial to the livelihood of this nation if we want to continue to brand our nation as the land of the free.

The United States of America was established to offer religious freedom to the puritans over two hundred years ago. During that time we have had to redefine freedom multiple times. First we had to figure out what it meant to give the natives freedom. We hurt them as individual nations by taking their lands, corrupting their culture, and expecting them to peacefully respond to our demands. I do not need to describe to you that this went poorly. Next we had to deal with the issue of slavery. This issue lasted much longer because of the belief that blacks were less than human at one point. With the Emancipation Proclamation we purchased a peaceless surrender of the slaves. Over the freedom of slaves we started a civil war, we instituted the Jim Crow Laws, and we oppressed blacks for another hundred years after they were granted their “freedom.” Today we face the issue of Gay Rights and we are responding to it in much the same way we did with same grace and sensitivity that we have with these other issues. We as a people are undereducated about it, fearful of it, and unwilling to recognize in what ways we may be wrong about how we are treating our fellow human beings. Same Sex Marriage is only one of a multitude of rights that the LGBT community is fighting for.

In my celebration of the Death of DOMA I am committing to becoming more educated on how to help support the rights of the LGBT community because I do not want to repeat the mistakes of our past. As a young black man, I still see discrimination towards me and I’ve seen it towards the LGBT community as well. And personally I hurt, because I know they hurt. Civil Rights isn’t about protecting the definition of a word that doesn’t need protection. The definition of marriage changed in the Oxford Dictionary already. And marriage in the context of what the LGBT community is working towards has everything to do with legal rights and nothing to do with trying to take the domestic comfort of the families of heterosexual couples. This is about making us as a people living according to the values that we state in our Constitution to stand by. If we are seeking the Life, Liberty, and Happiness of all the people in our nation then we by definition need to give to our people the same rights that they can be with those they love, take care of their families, and build our nation into the beacon of freedom that it claims to be.

I end this blog with one of my favorite songs. It is by Mackelmore and Lewis and it is called Same Love. I believe if we raise the rising generation to hate themselves, fear the judgment of others, and polarize themselves and others on the issues we face in our world we will fail them. We owe it to ourselves, and our children to educate ourselves that we may be full of love one for another and live in real freedom.

Faces of Manipulation: Abuse the Generational Destroyer

We hear a lot about abuse in our society today.  There is both outrage that we allow it to go on in our society, and that people would allow these things to happen to them.  I find this curious though because too few people have even an idea of how abuse starts.  So today lets reveal some of the patterns of Generational Abuse, and I see no better place to start than in the current Presidential Election between Mitt Romney and Barack Obama.

I think both of these men are good people.  I think they both have the best interests of America at hand. But I find it interesting that when you hear their campaigns, they both have to wreck the reputation of the other because "that's how the game is played."  I've seen so many things about Mitt Romney being a flip-flopper and how he cannot stay consistent on any political subject there is for long.  I've also seen a lot of propaganda about how Obama has destroyed the economy of the United States.  And you hear about the negative so often that if there is any good, it is overshadowed by negative and hence you cause people to become disillusioned to the good of voting, the entire race for President becomes a popularity contest, and men who should be friends and colleagues working towards the best future for America, become bitter rivals who leave trails of discontent and shame in their wake.

But it doesn't stop there.  Then we the people step in and add our own two cents to everything.  From folks looking for ways to make Obama a Muslim and why Romney isn't a Christian.  Because they are threats to what we as people most value.  And in my opinion, what we value most my friends is power.

Anyone entrusted with power will abuse it if not also animated

with the love of truth and virtue, no matter whether he be a prince,

or one of the people. - Jean de La Fontaine, French Poet

When it comes to abuse of any kind it is all about power.  Think about it.  When a person gets so frustrated at their baby that they shake them violently it is a power struggle.  A newborn can make an adult feel helpless because they are so dependent on the adult for everything.  And in the cultures where folks say it is wrong to leave your newborn with someone else so you get a break it gets particularly difficult.  And when that child has cried for hours upon end and it isn't because they are sleepy, hungry, wet, cold, too warm or anything else you can do something about it is enough to break a person.  So when a parent shakes their child, how empowered must they feel when that silences their child?  The pattern repeats because they have found a way to quiet the child, and empower themselves.  Similar empowerment could have been achieved with finding a good friend to watch the child, but some of us just don't have friends who are that good.

But this doesn't just happen to children.  It happens in domestic partnerships (whether couples live together or get married) frequently also.  For example with a man who beats his wife, he usually is angry about something.  Usually it has to do with him, but he takes it out on her because it is easier.  So as he gets angrier about his own mistakes his tension builds.  Finally he gets so angry that he hits her.  He beats her until he's released all the tension that's within.  When she tries to get away it makes him angry because without her he can't release that tension.  Later he'll tell her how sorry he is for doing it and he'll even give her a gift of some sort to try and make it up to her and then things will be alright for a little while.  Until he gets overwhelmingly angry again.  Usually we think the man in this situation is a terrible person and we blame him for everything, but lets be honest.  He's a victim caught in a cycle which is a lot larger than he is.  This pattern of abuse has been in his family for generations already.  According to this source one fourth of domestic abuse goes unreported.  And before OJ Simpson how much went unreported?  And reporting it to the police doesn't even mean they can do anything in a lot of cases.  Because if the judge throws it out or the abuser is released from jail the next day, doesn't that just mean they are walking back into that home more angry?  And more angry means the beating lasts longer and is more severe.  Or that he needs to find other outlets for this anger, such as his children.

And in all of this most men who are perpetrating this crime are victims of such abuse themselves.  The kids like Harry Potter who turn out superbly well adjusted despite their abuse are remarkably rare.  I wish I were one of them myself.  But I'm not.  But I don't hold that against the person who hurt me.  They are a victim in this cycle just the same as I am.  The difference between us is I no longer choose to be a victim.  I reject that label and the cycle that comes with it.  Like Harry Potter, I am a cycle breaker.  

I didn't even know I was perpetuating the cycle, until recently.  Even when you aren't trying to be abusive by hitting someone, or calling them names, the tones you use and the words you choose can send messages loud and clear that will be interpreted as "hurtful and cruel."  And when I realized it I felt like I was less than the ants that people stepped on.  For me this is another effect of my own abuse, because the voices of my childhood still affect me daily.

Cycle breaking is hard.  It requires a different strength than it required for you to deal with the abuse.  Because you have change everything you learned before.  Never say a woman or a child isn't strong because of the abuse they've dealt with, actually they are very strong.  But that strength has to be developed in different ways to silence the voices of their abusers in their head.  I'm in group therapy right now to share my story in an environment I can trust and build that new strength.  And God-willing I'll be able help others one day.  Because the power I care about is Love, Truth, and Virtue.

This is not my mission alone however.  Everyone of us can do something to break the cycles of abuse.  It starts with learning about abuse.  Why abusers do what they do, why the victims feel the way they feel, and how to get each the help they need to break their cycles.  Because we all need help to break our vicious cycles and begin new virtuous cycles.  And though it is hard, it is worth it to no longer carry the chains of generational abuse anymore.

Thanks for reading today.  On Monday I hope to address the various ways people in the world think.  And have a few more blogs in the buffer so that this will be much more efficient.  Until then I'm Jayrod Garrett, the First OG with a question for you:

Antwone Fisher

Joyce Meyer

Carlos Santana

Are you a cycle breaker?

A Belated Easter Gift

As an addendum to Easter I had planned to write for the Fellow Writers Blog Hop, but they don’t have a topic this month because of the A to Z April Challenge.  So I gave it some thought and organized a few ideas that I think every writer who is successful needs to be able to maintain their success.  I believe there are energies in the world that we do not fully comprehend, and for lack of a better term we will call them spirits.  These spirits can abide within us, within the places we dwell, and especially within the things we create.  As a result I recognize writing as one of the most spiritual activities one can engage in.  For within my words I can express what abides within me, reveal to you the places I have dwelled, and create something of greater beauty and value than myself.

Charity in this case means the highest for of Love.

The scripture to the right lies at the core of my life.  I also see this as the foundation of many of the folks I admire most in the world.  All of the most intelligent, awe inspiring, and lovely human beings live these principles in one form or another.  My examples today are a couple of my cousins.  One of them is a Christian Organist and the other is an Atheist Political Scientist.  I’ve have the opportunity to speak with them both about what they do and who they are, and in those conversations (although I’m sure they are unaware of this) they have inspired me to be a better person.

Hebrew 11:1 reads: “Now faith is the substance of things hoped for; the evidence of things not seen.”  Now the Merriam-Webster Dictionary defines it best as a verb meaning: believe or trust.  Now lets be honest, nobody really believes in something they haven’t had an experience with for themselves.  It is the experience or evidence that lights the fire of faith, or to believe or trust in something.  Only the foolish place their faith blindly.

Want to know more?  Click here.

My cousin has chosen to live as a Vegan.  Her decision wasn’t based solely on scientific fact, but rather it was a moral decision.  She wanted to withdraw her support from the meat industry for the way they treat animals.  Simply put she doesn’t trust them.  And how can you blame her?  If you have ever watched the way a cow lives on todays farms and how they are later killed it would make your stomach roil.  And the treatment and conditions for the employees of the meat companies are equally as dehumanizing.  She made the choice to value her humanity above that of eating meat.  I wish I were that principled.

Mind you, if you go out to eat with her, you’ll never know she is a Vegan.  She doesn’t beat you over the head with her values.  She’s not going to tell you how evil the meat industry is.  She chosen to be quietly faithful to her values.  For faith cannot be separated from faithfulness.  And my cousin has taught me a lot about what it really means to have faith.

I ask people all the time what they think hope means.  You might be surprised to hear that most people can’t define hope.  But we use in our everyday speech all the time.  “I hope I get there on time,” or “I hope we can save enough money to go to Disneyland next summer.”  In the dictionary it defines hope as: to expect with confidence.  So when you place your hope in something you don’t just think it might happen, you know it will come to pass.  You don’t have room for doubt, because you know this.  You might not have a timeline, but you certainly know it will happen.

My other cousin is married with a large family already.  He really enjoys doing service in his community.  And thankfully his job is one that allows him to serve frequently.  It brings him joy to be able to help folks in his community, but it keeps him long hours.  Often he works at least sixty hours a week.  He does this not only because he recognizes the way it helps the people around him, but because of the opportunities it gives his family.  He has hope that the service he renders will show his community and children alike how to be good people.  Hope is not only alive in his heart, but the hearts of his family to sacrifice their time with him.  They expect good things to come of his service.

Read this book!

Now in explaining both of these previous principles there is an unmistakeable fabric that ties them together.  Love of another being over oneself.  Love as a noun is defined as: affection for another being rising from kinship or personal ties.  But love as a verb means: to hold dear.  Both of these meanings are seen in the behavior of my cousins.  They have shown they hold the world around themselves more dear than their own lives.  That kind of love is why we celebrate Easter, Christmas, Martin Luther King Jr Day, The Fourth of July and countless other holidays.  We remember those who chose to love us more than themselves from Christ, to Gandhi, to the various soldiers who have fought for freedom worldwide.  And the fact that my cousins have chosen to pattern their lives in such an ennobling way is not lost on me.

But naturally you are probably wondering, what does this have to do with writing?  I’m getting there, be patient.  In order to establish that we need to tie all of these together.  Love is the big picture the quilt that is made by the contributions of faithfulness and the hope of mankind.  But the thread that holds all the patchwork together is something we fail to notice, because we often define it as insignificant.  It is known as humility.

To define humble as “not proud or haughty or not arrogant or assertive” doesn’t define the word.  It tells you what it isn’t, not what it is.  Just like if I tell you that pepper isn’t salty, I haven’t told you really what it is by telling you what it isn’t.  To be humble means that you have inner strength, you aren’t swayed by what society tells you, but can stand on your own.  Humility doesn’t say it is the most awesome thing since sliced bread, instead it serves you the sliced bread.  It doesn’t call attention to itself, it gives attention to others needs.  Just as pride or enmity of man can be called the universal vice, humility can be called the universal virtue.  But we don’t talk about the threads of humility, because this virtue does not call attention to itself.

We as writers need all four of these virtues.  We must be humble and recognize that there are greater writers we must learn from, but that this doesn’t diminish the need for us to share our message with the world.  We stand in the midst of giants who gladly will lift us upon their shoulders.  We must follow in the giants footsteps and be faithful to our craft.  It cannot grow unless we put ourselves at the keyboard and work on telling stories, writing blogs, and expressing ourselves in the written word regularly.  We cannot ever lose hope.  The writers who make it are the ones who make this a lifestyle, they have so much hope in their writing that they are willing to work at it as a second job till they have become successful enough to make it their only job.  And we must love what we do.  We will have to lose sleep or miss out on family time to pursue this dream.  We will miss out on time with friends.  And we do it because we believe through our efforts we will entertain, change, and build a better world for our children.  Even if that’s not why you have chosen to write, that is why I write.

Fellow Writers, I hope that you incorporate these principles into your lives and when you have the time to write that your words may speak to the hearts and minds of your audience.  Happy belated Easter from the First OG, Jayrod Garrett.  And if I may be so bold to ask:

  

What principles guide your writing?

The Culture Blogs: Faces of Manipulation (1 of Many)

Manipulation has so many faces that it isn't even funny.  Like the Many Faced God in George R. R. Martin's A Song of Fire and Ice often we don't recognize what all of the faces are about.  Today I'd like to reveal to you one of the many faces of manipulation.  Peer pressure.

This is a form of manipulation everyone has dealt with their entire lives.  But how you've dealt with it has a lot to do with the kind of person that you chose to really be peers with.  Like the comic to underneath illustrates you can bludgeon someone into your choice by making them feel like they have no other choices available to themselves.  Especially when their knowledge isn't as broad as your own.

Curtesy of dndorks.com Check them out they're pretty funny, if you play D&D.  FYI: Druids are better healers.

This is an example of peer pressure.  Both of these guys are playing D&D together.  The one gets told what he's going to do because of what everyone else has chosen. It isn't fair at all.  But face it folks all of us have dealt with this kind of manipulation multiple times in our lives.

The Joker was one of the most memorable villians we've ever seen use this to the greatest end.  He set up a social "experiment" where a cruise ship and a ship of criminals are both dead in the water and he claims to have set up bombs on each.  The people on each boat are told that there is a time limit on the bombs, but they can save themselves if they are willing to push a button to destroy the other ship.  I'll not ruin the experiment for you if you haven't seen the movie, but it is great food for thought.  Because sometimes I wonder if I would have had the strength to push the button or get rid of the detonator.

Have you ever seen one person who is made stronger because of the peer pressure though?  They choose deliberately not to give in.  This is why I think peer pressure can be good, because you wouldn't have people who have such inner strength without it.  A perfect example of the kind of person who can be born of peer pressure is Anne Frank.

How many of us would have kept a disposition of love and joy while the government killed our people?  How many of us would still think people are still fundamentally good while being hunted in a game of genocide?  I wonder about such a question sometimes.  I would like to think I would keep such a disposition, but I've also been to Iraq and come home with various different ways my head has been messed up.  But I love the Iraqi people, they are certainly odd and many of the things they choose to do to one another make me want to cry, but I see them as people just like the rest of us who are trying to figure out their place in this world.  I can't blame a people who have been oppressed for living as if they have no civilization.  Oppression is a peer pressure all its own.

I for one believe that those who don't give in to negative peer pressure over years of torturous abuse have chosen a different peer group.  A peer group of good people that they don't want to let down.  Whether that be your family, your friends, or your God.  Peer pressure exists in every family.  We use it when we tell our children that we are disappointed in them or we beat them for their poor decisions.  Another part of this idea to consider.

I leave you with these ideas to consider as I close today.  I don't know how much peer pressure affects me.  But I'm trying to learn how to be an influencer of positive peer pressure.  It has been difficult, but I believe that if I keep working at it I'll be successful at it eventually.  Maybe I already am.  But I don't really matter here.  Rather you do.

I've chosen where I stand in my peer groups.  Stand or fall, I'll get back up and try and retain the stand I've taken.  I want people to believe that there are human beings out there that actually love everyone.   And ultimately the only human powers in the world that change hearts are love and hate.

Our books of the month remain Tankborn by Karen Sandler and Dhalgren by Samuel Delany.  In any book that deals with the concepts of race and racism like these do, the question of how one will be shaped by the pressures around them is ever present.  Joker chose to be shaped into a sociopathic sadist by what things were done to him.  Anne Frank chose to be a light to the human race.

One lucky follower of the blog will receive each of these books.  Cause I know that not everyone can follow my blog there are two ways to get entries.  One is to actually follow the blog this will get your name put into my hat three times, and the other is to leave a comment on the blog.  For each comment I receive on my blog during the month of March (I think it has said February a few times, my apologies) I'll put your name into the hat once.  I enjoy doing this because it gets me reading different books, supporting authors I love, and it allows me an opportunity to give back to you, my audience.



Tomorrow is the weekly Mashup and the End of the First Round of Words in Eighty Days.  I'll talk about my success and failures and what I hope for the next round then.  Jayrod Garrett, the First OG signing out.  Oh, I got a question: How has peer pressure shaped you in your life or how does it shape the world around you?

The Culture Blogs: The Hypocrisy of Religion or Where's the Love?

Of all the laws and rules in the world the most important one to remember is the Golden Rule. Every world religion has their own interpretation of it.  You can study it in psychology, philosophy, sociology, and most commonly religion.  Ultimately it has to do with empathizing with others.  Today I would like to take a moment to review several versions of this rule with you to give you a basis for the misunderstanding of this rule so often destroying our credibility in what we personally believe.

Islam: Not one of you truly believes until you wish for others what you wish for yourself. -The Prophet Mohammed, Hadith

Hinduism: This is the sum of duty, do not do to others what would cause pain if done to you. -Mahabharata 5:15:17

Buddhism: Treat not others in ways that you yourself would find hurtful. -Udana Varga 5:18

Taoism: Regard your neighbors gain as your own gain and your neighbors loss as your own loss. -T'ai Shang Kan Ying P'ien 213, 218

Judaism: What is hateful to you, do not do to your neighbour.  This is the whole Torah, the rest is commentary. -Hillel, Talmud, Shabbat 31a

Sikhism: I am a stranger to no one; and no one is a stranger to me.  Indeed I am a friend to all.- Guru Granth Sahib, pg. 1299

Unitarianism: We affirm and promote respect for interdependence web of all existence of which we are all a part. -Unitarianism Principle

Christianity: Therefore all things whatsoever ye would that men should do to you, do ye even so to them: for this is the law and the prophets. -Matthew 7:12 KJV

And the most plain version of all: Do unto others as you would have others do unto you.

In each of these systems of thought it comes back to a concept that Christ taught.  I would say that regardless of your race, creed, or religious background this applies to everyone. 

Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself. -Matthew 22:39 

Just think about this one concept.  How much better would the world be if we lived according to this one idea?  I don’t think we would have the bitter smear campaigns between the men and women who want to run the country.  It starts up with the politicians and soon it becomes all of the people who follow them saying “F-ing Republicans” or “Democrats are an unorganized bunch of idiots.”  I’ve heard both, and I’m certain you have too.  Most of the people who make that comment claim to believe the Golden Rule too.  But obviously we all have problems trying to live it.

This is a shaka.

It doesn’t just happen in politics though.  Its also a problem in our driving.  I lived in Hawaii for two years and I had the wonderful blessing of seeing how they drove.  Honking your horn at someone is a social taboo there.  Life is slower and the driving reflects that.  And when folks cut others off, or do something that is “cuss-worthy” as long as you throw a “shaka” (most of you know it as the hang loose gesture) to the person you may have offended with your “poor” driving, everything is great.  (In fact I knew folks who celebrated when they saw someone throw a shaka to them.)  While I lived there I never heard anyone cuss because they got cut off while driving, instead they cussed because the love of the shaka wasn’t shared.

If someone feels this way, why hate them?

One of the stories that enraged me more than any other was told to me by a professor at my school.  In class you would never be able to pick out the fact that he is an Atheist.  But if you care enough to visit him in his office, he'll open up to you.  He shared with me a story of when he lived in a different state, of which the majority of was Christians, with a bumper sticker on his car that stated: United Atheists.  That was the only difference between his car and the others in that parking lot.  The very day he placed the stick on his car it was keyed.   Sure it could have been a student who got a bad grade, but he was hurt that people who claimed to “love others as Christ loved them” would do something like that.

I live in Utah and Gay Rights is challenging subject in our state.  It makes some people uncomfortable, it makes other people angry, and some of us just want to see equality for other people in our society.  But some folks feel the need to discriminate, so if you are openly gay you could lose your job.  They hide behind the current laws saying that they are justified in what they are doing, but at the same time those same people will go to church on Sunday and profess their love for God and their fellow man.  That isn’t right.

I know a man raised by his single mother for most of his life.  She is a good woman.  She did community service projects, made sure her son never lived in any dangerous parts of town, and touched the lives of many of the young people she came in contact throughout her life.  And she praised her son in public so much nobody could imagine, that she called him worthless, stupid, and a failure at home.  Her public face was one of love, but what she showed privately was one of anger and resentment.  To be honest though, there was never anything she told him that she didn’t believe was also true about herself.  She lived the “Golden Rule” the best she knew how.  She treated her son the same way she treated herself.  But he left one day and she’s cried for years since then.  I feel sorry for her.

Humility is about unity.  Unity strengthens everyone.

Each day we have a choice.  We can choose our pride and anger or we can choose to find the humble way of life.  Humility is about unity.  That means it strengthens everyone.  We can choose to build the world into a place where I as a Democrat can look a Republican in the eye and tell them, “While I may not agree with you, I understand your intension and I hope that we may find a way to work together to find what will bring us greater prosperity as a nation.”  And where discrimination because of sexual orientation, religious orientation, or cultural orientation can be overlooked because we care about meeting each others needs so much that instead of barring one another from their needs.  And where parents love their children and support them through all the trials of their life.  Perhaps that last is the hardest world for us to find of all, but we must discover it.

While I stand here and I share my feelings I want to share with you that I’m a hypocrite.  Yeah, I’m the number one hypocrite.  And that’s because I know these things and still I disappoint myself with my anger, my pride, and my lack of love for my fellow man.  Every human being deserves the very best I can give them.  And that by no means is easy.  But part of the fact that I recognize myself as part of the problem is part of the solution.  I can be more aware of my own discriminatory or hateful attitudes and work on them.

Our books of the month remain Tankborn by Karen Sandler and Dhalgren by Samuel Delany.  Part of the reason I'm giving away these books is that they both reveal how cruel we can be to one another.  Some folks might purchase them on the recommendation here alone, others will hope to win one.  Regardless they each raise awareness for how we may treat one another poorly in day to day life.  

One lucky follower of the blog will receive each of these books.  Cause I know that not everyone can follow my blog there are two ways to get entries.  One is to actually follow the blog this will get your name put into my hat three times, and the other is to leave a comment on the blog.  For each comment I receive on my blog during the month of March (I think it has said February a few times, my apologies) I'll put your name into the hat once.  I enjoy doing this because it gets me reading different books, supporting authors I love, and it allows me an opportunity to give back to you, my audience.

Next time we'll talk about manipulation as a form of controlling others in both positive and negative senses.  Until then, I'm Jayrod Garrett, the First OG.  My question for you is: Are you a Hypocrite?

The Culture Blogs: My Religion and Conversion

A while ago a good friend of mine Amber Mae, posted on her blog about her conversion story to becoming a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.  In this particular season of trying to learn about our political candidates and what they stand for; I find it important not only for the purposes of using it in fiction to share my conversion story here, but also to clarify the facts about what I believe as a member of the LDS Church.

My Mom and I came out to Utah because of family strife caused by her own conversion to the church.  It was originally supposed to be a vacation, but after almost twenty eight years I think it would be fair to say we settled here.  Now Utah is a unique place for a black mormon family to live for several reasons.  Paramount among them is the fact that for most of my life I've felt like LDS community didn't accept me fully because I was black, and that the blacks didn't accept me because I'm LDS.  To illustrate this point I'll share a story.

Shortly after my mother and I arrived in the State we moved up to my hometown of Ogden.  (I've lived in Ogden off and on for about twenty seven years now.)  In the one of the first wards (another word for congregation) we'd joined my Mother was told by the Bishop of the ward to not bring me back to Primary (our children's Sunday School Program), because the teachers were unable to teach me.  Now I realize back at that age I might be a little hyperactive, but so were most of the other kids.  It wasn't because I was active, but because I was black.  Later on in another ward I was called nigger by the same kids who I was going to church with on a regular basis.  And mind you seven, eight, and nine year olds don't know that word, unless their parents teach them, but much of that story will be saved for when I talk about hypocrisy in religion.

So you can entirely understand when I say that as a child my faith in the church was shaken.  I say my faith in the Church because I've always had a relationship with God.  I know he lives just as well as I know I breathe.  One of the times he revealed his presence to me was when I was baptized into the Church.  Now I went a very non-traditional method of joining the church even though my mother was a member.  She wanted me to choose this for myself so at the age of eight years old, which in our religion is known as the the age of accountability, so I listened to the discussions from the missionaries and my mother took me visiting to different churches.  I still to this day remember some of the church meetings and have images of missionaries from when I was small (we totally should have taken pictures).  And I prayed about it.  I chose to be a Saint (what members of LDS church are called), because I thought this is what God wanted for me to do.

That isn't what solidified my faith however.  It was something my Mom said about God speaking to me through the wind, and that when it blew that meant he was proud of me.  Mind you there is nothing in the scriptures about this, but I believed my Mom.  On the day that I was baptized the wind was blowing really hard and I felt in my heart a warm feeling that I remembered the missionaries telling me was one of the ways that God would speak to me.  Since that day the zephyrs of the desert and the cold wind of courage have been my companions at times when I needed to know God was there.  And while not always the same warmth it has now grown to encompass greater courage, more determination, and perhaps best of all simply the knowledge that what I'm doing at that point in my life is right.

You might say that at eight I was too young to know.  You are entitled to that.  You might say that because I've had racism problems in the church, I know people who have told their bishops they have been raped and the church has done nothing, or because of controversial issues within the origins of the church that it isn't true.  My response to that is: Faith isn't faith if there isn't substantial enough doubt to test it.  My faith has gone through the fire and has been purified to be made knowledge.  I know a lot more about God and his love and his plan for me, than I did when I was eight.  I know that God lives; That Jesus was resurrected and lives that I might live with him again; and that there is a prophet on the earth today.  All of those things came from the commitment to serve God at eight.

What about you?  Are you a Non-denominational Christian?  Are you Hindu or a Buddhist?  Maybe you are an Atheist.  Regardless of what you have chosen to be, I'd like to hear about it.  What caused you to make those choose that belief system?  I am not here to put down what you believe, or what you don't believe.  But if we are to engage in building cultures in our writing we have to look at what one another beliefs with respect.  Because in the fiction, we will have to challenge the beliefs of our characters with solid reasoning from other faiths and ideologies.  But here we can recognize one another as human beings who are trying to find their way to happiness.

Because I know that sometimes it can be scary to follow or comment on a blog, I thought it would be appropriate to share my gratitude with my readers by offering to you a book that I am currently reading.  It is the "Hundred Thousand Kingdoms" by N.K. Jemisin.  I've really enjoyed what I've read thus far.  A black female protagonist in a first person narrative in a fantasy world is unheard of, but Nora K. Jemisin has made a beautiful and believable tale that I highly recommend.  So from now til the end of this month, if you comment on my blog I'll put your name into a hat to receive during March one of three copies of the book I plan on sending out.  Think of it as my way of saying thank you for conversing with me.

If you have any questions about being LDS, I am a pretty solid source to ask, because I am an active member of my faith.  I would love to hear yiu share about your own experiences with faith and your own ideologies, but I will not permit my blog to become a place to tear down other religions.  "And now abideth Faith, Hope, and Charity, and the greatest of these is Charity, (1 Cor 12:13)" and because charity or love is a power I believe we can all recognize that we believe in, please share your feelings with love and respect towards all others who might read.  That being said, I love all of you and hope to hear plenty from you in the weeks to come.  Peace!

Proposition Eight and Marriage

At the risk of sharing a bit too much of myself with my audience today I decided, instead of posting about the unjust story of Rumpelstiltskin, I would talk about a current issue.  That is gay rights.  First before anything else I would like you to know that I fully support gay rights.  I think that we as law abiding citizens should all share the same rights as other people.  There should be no discrimination between people in matters of employment, rearing a family, or privileges and rights offered by the government to a person.  However there is a place where I draw my line.  It is in religion.

As I mentioned in another post recently I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints (in other words a Mormon).  And as many of you know in the Proposition Eight controversy many members of my church donated money to the cause of seeing Gay Marriage blocked in the state of California.  In 2010 it was overturned and then people appealed it.  And yesterday that decision was upheld by the Ninth Circuit Court of Appeals in California.  Which means it is finally truly legal for homosexuals to marry in California.  The entire issue of Proposition Eight has caused a great deal of challenges in the homes of many Mormons.  Even in my home.  My wife entirely believes that gays should have the right to marry.  I don't.

Most of the difficulty of the issue comes from the idea of whether or not marriage is a religious term or a legal term.  Because if it is meant to be a legal term then, of course gays need to have the right to marry and you cannot deny them that.  It would be a gross violation of civil rights.  And this is exactly where my wife and many people in the LGBT (or Lesbian-Gay-Bi-sexual-Transgendered) community are.  Because it is a legal term to deny them the right isn't only unconstitutional, but it sends us back to hundreds of years in our treatment of people in our nation.

I believe that marriage is supposed to be between a man and a woman who are joined in a holy union before God.  It is a religious ceremony and I would prefer it to remain that way.  However because of the nature of how our country was founded and has grown, it is no longer simply a religious ceremony as I would like.  It is so riddled with political and legal rules that it cannot ever be simply a religious ceremony of the union between a man and a woman again.

Do not misunderstand me, I do not mean to say if a church decides they desire to endorse a man and man or a woman and woman relationship that it is wrong.  I am saying that I personally don't believe in that.  There is a huge difference between those two concepts.

So now with all of this legal mumbo-jumbo concerning marriage and civil unions, I find myself wondering how in the world do we make this just?  How do we make this fair?  Gays can't get married in every state, and civil unions aren't accepted universally to my knowledge either.  And because I want the world to be a place where we can accept the diversity and uniqueness of everyone in the world, I need to have a solution to this current problem.

So I decided that we should abolish the legal function of marriage and instead institute civil unions throughout all those who are currently married.  This would do several things.  It would have all the companies who have their current laws set up to help only those who are married rewrite their rules and laws for their companies in such a way that it would have to include all those who are currently in civil unions.  It would also remove marriage which is a religious term from the vocabulary of politics.  It would return the power of declaring what marriage is and is not to the individual churches and religions themselves.

Personally I wouldn't mind what I am in being known as a civil union legally and a marriage religiously.  It wouldn't change how I feel about my wife.  It wouldn't change my rights or privileges.  It wouldn't make me any less of an Iraqi veteran.  It would enable people who love each other to have legal rights to their children with their partner, to change the way people see the LGBT community in their neighborhood, and perhaps most important teach us as a nation that each of us has an individual worth and value.  That we shouldn't hate each other so much, nor should we fight against each other so much, and instead we should seek to find how we can envelop the entire human family within the bounds of respect, truth, and love.  And I now stand by the overturn of Proposition Eight, grateful that the people of California spoke for what they wanted for themselves.

I chose this as my subject because during my writing today I was writing about a young female warrior who has PTSD (or Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) in my story.  And it got me thinking about how sometimes people are so misunderstood and especially in that community.  Speaking of communities, perhaps I should share my goals now.

My ROW Goals for the week are now as follows:
1. Finishing a Scene of "Crimes of the Umbramancer" each day.
     I've been searching for a job lately and the same time that is dedicated to the job search is often shared with writing, so I'm behind.  I plan on catching up by this evening however though.  (For the record I got an interview coming up this Monday, which I'm super excited about.  Hopefully this will work out for the best.)
2. Comment on ten blogs in ROW80:
     I've been working hard on this goal.  I'm starting to retweet blogs of things I find important and also comment as much as possible.  I've commented on nobody's ROW80 posts for this week, but a lot of their regular blogs.  I'll take care of this tonight when I post however.
3. No more than twelve hours of video games per week.
     I haven't played anything this week at all.  I'm pretty proud of myself.
4. Bedtime between 11PM and Midnight each day so I can be up at six or seven to take advantage of the early hours to write.
     Of seven days I got about four.  Much better than last week.  But I think I still can do a lot better than that.
5. Walking at least a mile five times a week.
     I've probably gotten to this honestly about three out of five days this week.  I'm kinda bummed about that.  Being so busy with various obligations has made it difficult to find the time.  But I'm hoping this upcoming week will be better.
6. Finding a new job in the upcoming month.
    This past weekend I had a conversation with an Amir Jackson, the Founder of a Nurture the Creative Mind and perhaps I might be able to work with his organization and bring some of my talents to helping the minds and talents of local youth grow.  And as recent as this afternoon I spoke with a woman at a local Junior High about being able to work in a program at their school to help them out.  So things may be looking up in terms of jobs.  I worry only because I need to find enough employment to support my wife and I.  I am ever hopeful though.

You might also notice that I recently changed the design of my blog slightly.  I am working on branding myself and I wanted colors that represented me as well as something I could have in my twitter profile also.  I chose the topic today, because part of who I am, is about being fair and just as best as I can see how.  I might be wrong, but part of taking a stand for what you believe in is taking the chance that you could be wrong.  And I would love to hear you tell me why I'm wrong, or why I'm right, or what you liked about this.  Please comment below and I'll make certain to get back to you as soon as I can.  I sincerely enjoy responding to everyone's comments.


Here's the links to other ROW80 blogs.  Hopefully you find interesting comments there too.  Happy reading!

The Blanket of Security

     When I saw this a few days ago it just made me smile.  To see a man and his dog cuddled up like this is a real companionship that unfortunately too few of us realize that we are in, until they are over.

     Everyone has companionships throughout their lives.  Sometimes your companion is the one you go to the bar with, other times you go to church with them.  Sometimes it is the person you had that one night stand with, and other times it is the person you decided to marry.  What makes companionships special is what we give to make them sacred.

     For example like this picture.  What makes the companionship sacred isn't the blanket that was given, but the warmth that the pair shares.  In a relationship between a husband and wife it isn't the sex that creates the sacred bond, but the fidelity.  For you see in any relationship where there are companions it is the things that last that make the relationship so beautiful.

     All of us who are doing a Round of Words in Eighty Days what makes us so special is the fact that we have our writing that pulls us all together.  Some of us write for release, others write to be read, and some few of us write to be published (I write for all three).  But all of us write.  And that is how we are companions with one another on this sacred journey through life.  I am grateful to have all of you as companions and thankful that you have shared your blanket of security with me.  My new goal for this week is to respond to ten different blogs each week from now on, because I want as many of you as I can find to know that I appreciate your companionship on this journey.

     Before I end this I want to share a special thank you to my companion who has made all this possible.  Jenny, I am so grateful to have you in my life and I am thankful for your support in all the writing I have been doing of late.  I know that it takes me away from you, and means I'm not as attentive sometimes, but I know that I'm a better person when I am engaged in writing and I'm thankful you give me the opportunity to continue writing.

Goals for this week:  (To be marked off as completed)
1. Catch up with days for writing- Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday
     I only wrote Wednesday.  I think I've had some writers block also.
2. Read 10 different blogs in ROW80.
     I've read at least seven thus far.  I'll read more later on.
3. Video games for only 12 hours for the week.
     Played my game for 12 hours already.

     Thanks for the comments and thoughts you leave.  A question for those of you who know more about blogging than I do.  I am interested in building a greater audience.  How would I go about that?

Click here for other ROW80 participate's blogs.